I'VE NEVER HAD A CASE OF THE MONDAYS.

Last week, we got a new vending machine in the cafeteria. It's called Food Court Express. I'm calling it the Dinner/Dessert Destination.

As you can see, there is a note covering the money slot. It says: Out of order until machine is filled. My question: Can the machine be out of order when it hasn't yet been in order?

On Monday, the note was removed. I start typing buttons on the machine to see if maybe the ice cream sandwich has received the Skittles treatment. However, a message reads that the machine is out of order. Then, why did they take down the sign?

The discussion about the new machine revolved around two jokes last week: 1) The fact that there's an item called Big Az chicken and 2) Playing on the words Hot Pocket to mean something else.

I missed the Hornets game where the giveaway was a Peja action figure. Lopes had an extra and was kind enough to give it to me. What a guy. I put it right next to my CP3 and D-West bobbleheads. I'm situating all of them to look at each other when Tina walks up. "Great. More crap."

The Peja action figure isn't too flashy. It's pretty chinsy. The arm with the ball goes up and down, so as to make his shooting motion. His elbow, however, does not bend. Whatever. I like that they got his facial hair correct.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom wakes up early Monday morning as I'm going to sleep. She walks into the kitchen and screams: "What the fuck do we have in here?"

Mom walks into my back room as I'm packing for the day. "You better clean out that fucking bag before you leave." (I already did.)

I tell mom that I'm thinking about bringing my VCR to Houston to tape the national semifinals Saturday night. She doesn't like the plan. "That's bullshit."

Me: It's gonna be a hell of a trip.

Mom: Yeah. And you worried about the fucking TV.

Four other notes about television.

-- On DVD sales: "Why don't they put (CSI) Miami on sale? That never fucking goes on sale."

-- On Ana Lucia's eventual death on Lost: "So she dies and comes back? How the fuck does that happen?"

-- On not liking Episode No. 12 of season 2 of Lost: "All that shit with the fucking crib."

-- On the Young & the Restless: " I hear Brad is coming back to the Young. How the fuck they gonna do that? He was frozen. Now, he'll be unfrozen?"

I DON'T THINK YOU START AT YEAR ZERO.

1) I think the UConn fan section at the Final Four should sing "We got Thabeet. We got Thabeet." Really loudly.

2) I rewatched the UNC-Oklahoma game after posting yesterday.

a) The Sooners didn't make a shot that wasn't in the lane or at the foul line until there was 5:13 remaining. IN THE GAME.

b) Jim Nantz informed us that UNC and Michigan State will be appearing in their fourth Final Four of this decade. Bomp. You see, he's counting 2000 when both teams were in it. Unfortunately, 2000 was last decade.

I'm pissed about this and go surfacing on the Internet. I find a wikipedia page that says the millennium we're in started on Jan. 1, 2001, the century we're in started on Jan. 1, 2001, but the decade we're in started on Jan. 1, 2000. Now, how in the Gregorian calendar can that be?

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that I'm going to Houston for a week on Thursday? Did you know that I'm really excited about it? Did you know Obama only got one Final Four team correct? Did you know that Hef and the Girls Next Door broke up? Did you know that there is only one day of madness left? Did you know that Mayor Nagin is slightly clueless?

PARTING SHOTS

Trey and I are discussing Rick Barnes as a terrible basketball coach.

Me: I think they were in the Final Four here. (Then louder.) Was Texas in the Final Four when it was here in 2003?

Doug: Let's see. It was Syracuse, North Carolina. ...

Me: Nope. North Carolina wasn't here.

Doug: Oh, that's right. It was Kansas. I was thinking Roy Williams. ... Hey, Kevin. Who else was here for the Final Four in 2003?

Kevin: Uh. It was Syracuse, North Carolina. ...

Doug: No. Not North Carolina.

Kevin: Oh, yeah. I was thinking Roy Williams.

Phil is having trouble with his new computer.

Phil: How do you get rid of the dashboard?

Me: Smash head-on with an 18 wheeler.

(I then ask Jelly for some props on the joke. She doesn't give them.)

Me: Nothing?

Jelly: I was just thinking that you have a comment for everything.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

The start of the top 10 movies. We're at the end, kids. I sort of have a set schedule for the next two weeks as far as lists go. Not sure when we'll get to the top 5. Hold tight.

10) Office Space. 1999.

Did you get that memo?

9) The Graduate. 1967.

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. ...

8) Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. 1971.

Wonka: The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

Veruca: Snozzberries? Whoever heard of a snozzberry?

Wonka: We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

7) Can't Hardly Wait.

I can almost go line for line. Well, I used to be able to, anyway.

6) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. 1991.

I saw this in the theatre for the first time with my father. Aww.