AN ODE TO MY BOSS. PLEASE DON'T KILL ME.

The following is a parody of a parody of sorts. As usual, original lyrics in parentheses.

Guitar intro
Hey! Uh huh. Hey! Uh huh.

What I hate about you (What I like about you)
You mock me as a goal (You hold me tight)
Tell me I'm disgusting and call me jackass or asshole, boo! (Tell me I'm the only one gonna come over tonight, yeah)

We're stuck listening to you all night (Keep on whispering in my ear)
Not to retaliate takes all my mite (Tell me all the things that I wanna hear)
Cuz that's right, that's what I hate about you (Cuz it's true)

What I hate about you (What I like about you)
You really don't want to embrace (You really know how to dance)
When you call me small and goofball, throw paper in my face, boo! (When you go up, down, jump around, think about true romance, yeah)

Chorus (with alteration):
We're stuck listening to you all night
If I were bigger, I might pick a fight
Cuz that's right, that's what I hate about you
That's what I hate about you (2x)

Guitar bridge

Hey!

What I hate about you (What I like about you)
You really suck as a boss (You keep me warm at night)
You're the meanest, cruelest (Never wanna let you go)
And you feed your kids apple sauce, boo! (Girl, you make me feel all right, yeah)

Chorus (with alteration):
We're stuck listening to you all night
Why don't you go off and fly a kite
Cuz that's right, that's what I hate about you
That's what I hate about you (6x)

Hey! Uh huh. Hey! Uh huh. Hey!

Boom. Roasted.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Early Saturday, I tell my mom that the eggs expire soon. She opens the carton. "There's fucking nine of them."

David Cook's Heroes (including video) is the theme song for the SEC Tournament. Thinking he may like the conference, I ask mom where he is from. "Um. I can't remember the fucking place he's from. Shit." (He's from Kansas.)

Oprah did a show about facebook Friday, so mom thinks it's legitimate now. She asks me several questions about it, and I give her brief answers. "Thanks for the info. It's like pulling fucking teeth."

Mom is watching a wedding scene in Rachel Getting Married. "There must be like 20 fucking bands there."

I ask mom if she liked the Kelly Clarkson CD, and she says so far. "I tried to listen to it again outside, but the fucking CD player out there quit on me."

PARTING SHOTS
We're talking about Jelly's infamous appearance on Kiss Cam at a Saints game.

Jelly: Next time, I'll blow you all kisses.
Lopes: I'm glad you finished that sentence.

Bake is reading the Louisiana Derby story and mentions a line in there about the horses talking to each other.

Brick: Where does he (the writer) get that stuff from?
Bake: He got it from the horse's mouth.
(Later, this subject is brought up again. I read the previous exchange to JRap.)
JRap: Well, I'm glad it was its mouth.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
Late Saturday night, JRap said something that was pretty funny. My response: You know, there's a lot of phrases with the word dog in it. A few minutes later, I used one at an appropriate moment. That got me to thinking of this list: My top five phrases with the word dog in it. (I found about 20 well-known ones before narrowing the list down.)

5) You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
On August 1, 2008, we had a story in the paper about old rocks from other states ending up here and becoming "new rocks" that help improve fishing spots. My headline: TEACHING AN OLD ROCK NEW TRICKS. Hee-hee.

4) Hot diggity dog!
Just fun to say.

3) Sick as a dog.
Dr. Evil: Sick as a dog, now. Ok. Ok. Gonna vom.

2) It's a dog-eat-dog world.
Woody: How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: It's a dog-eat-dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing milk-bone underwear.

1) I have to go see a man about a dog.
When I was little, I would always ask my dad where he was going when he left.
Me: Dad, where ya going?
Dad: Son, I'm off to see a man about a dog.

When I was a teenager, I realized that he wasn't serious.
Me: What does that mean?
Dad: It means none of your fucking business.