LEFTOVER MADNESS.

1) Color commentators kill me. The things they say. I tell you. I'm watching the end of the Missouri-Marquette game with Missou up 83-79 and 5.0 seconds remaining. Dude for Marquette tries to draw a foul and flails to the floor as he attempts a 3-pointer. (A defender, who didn't foul him, actually ran alongside him and jumped in the air when the shooter jumped. What an idiot. He probably deserved to get the foul called on him.)

The shot doesn't come close, and Marquette Coach Buzz Williams, whose sideline manner is entertainment in itself, cries for a foul to the official, saying his player should get three foul shots. CBS then shows the replay, and I kid you not, the color commentator says this during the replay:

"5.5 seconds to go. You gotta score twice. So, unless he makes this and gets fouled, it's a moot argument anyway." Seriously? First of all, there was 5.0 seconds to go. How can you not see that on the clock right in front of you during the replay?

And second of all, have you ever heard of missing a foul shot on purpose and getting the offensive rebound? When the shooter let go of the ball, there was 2.4 seconds remaining. It's not a moot argument to cry foul, you moron, because Marquette could have made two foul shots, missed the third, got the offensive rebound (don't shake your head, wait until you hear the whole thing) and then made the putback for the tie. (Is it possible? He may have been mistaken.)

Heck, they could have gotten the offensive rebound on the missed third free throw, kicked it out and hit a game-winning 3 with that much time left. And yet the color guy thinks the coach shouldn't argue for a foul because the shot didn't go in. Where do they get these people?

I'm talking to my dad about this play, and he sarcastically says: "No. He's right. In the NCAA Tournament, you're not allowed to miss a foul shot on purpose and get the rebound. You have to make them. So, he was right. They would have had to score twice. It was a moot argument."

Me: See, now. I didn't know about that rule.
Dad: It's not a well-known one.

2) The last three games of the second round all came down to the wire. At one point, you had two two-point games with about 1:30 left and a tie game with 7:something left. What game did CBS have on? The one with 7:something left, of course. They didn't switch to the other games until there was :48 seconds left.

I kind of felt bad for CBS, though. The network was stuck. Three good games come down to the wire at the same time, and they can only show one game at a time. Which led me to think: Why don't they show the tournament on more than one station? The CBS Corp. owns plenty of stations and could put several games on at once. They even have a station called College Sports TV. Think putting a second game on that channel might be a good idea?

Unless I'm missing something.

3) I'd like to bitch about the selection committee one final time. How dare they make LSU play UNC in the second round. Why don't you just stab me in my soul? I believe LSU would have made the Sweet Sixteen had they been given a No. 6 seed and played like they did against the Heels.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom opens the door to retrieve the paper early Monday morning. It is not near the door, and she has to put on shoes to go get it. "Son of a bitch."

I tell mom that I watched the Ellen Degeneres comedy special.
Mom: Did you like it?
Me: It was OK.
Mom: The part with the fucking phone is so funny.

Mom and I have a riff about setting up our recording situation for Monday's shows. Remember that we tape five stations at the same time. I make a suggestion mom doesn't like. "Well, Gene. (pause). Fuck." (And that ended the argument.)

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that Obama filled out an NCAA Tournament bracket? Did you know that Lindsay Lohan is a train wreck? Did you know that the New Orleans mayor doesn't know how to use e-mail? Did you know that I'm now 100 days away from making it to a full year of blogging every day?

PARTING SHOT
Joe the Security Guard stops by the dinner table.

JRap: Joe, do you think Jelly looks especially pretty today?
Joe: Jelly always looks pretty. To me anyway. She looks good in anything. Jeans. Dresses. A skirt. (Slight pause.) A bikini.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five alcoholic beverages.

5) Strawberry daiquiri.
A little girlie, but whatever.

4) Abita Amber.
Represent.

3) Red Stripe.
Official beer of the Slackers. Hooray!

2) New Castle.
Could use a few.

1) Jack and coke.
Haven't had one since that wedding.