IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD TOURNAMENT.

Let's go old school - and by school, I mean 2006 - for Day 3 of the Big Dance Diary. This is how we got down on the op/ed page at the Maroon in the spring of my senior year.

Howl: To UNC guard Ty Lawson. Or as I call him Ty-Ty. His performance in the second half against LSU left me wondering: god. Lawson. Is there really a difference?

Growl: To the NCAA selection committee, which made me cheer against LSU on Saturday for the first time in my life. Thornton was awesome, and I had to hope his every shot missed. (I was so scared in the second half of the Heels falling.) That was sickening. I feel like I need a few showers.

Howl: To that Gonzaga freshman who made the last shot Saturday almost at the buzzer to set up the Bulldogs against UNC in the Sweet 16 next Friday. Heck of an ending. If you watch the replay, there's a guy who is headed to the spot where the freshman took the winning shot, and then he just runs out of the way, leaving the freshman wide open. Kind of funny.

Growl: To all the blowouts in the first three days. I demand thrillers.

Howl: To ncaa.com for streaming every game of the tournament live.

Growl: To the Duke fans during the LSU-UNC game. Them mother fuckers. How dare they cheer so vehemently for LSU (who by the way beat them in the Sweet 16 in 2006). That just made me hate them more. I was really hoping they'd get theirs by losing to Texas, but it wasn't to be.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is pissed because she keeps getting phone calls from an automated thingy telling her the warranty on her car has expired. "No fucking shit. The car is from 2000. ... It's enough to make me want to change my fucking number."

I'm about to eat lunch. "I've been so busy this morning that I haven't done my fucking exercises yet." (She points at a full garbage bag on the kitchen floor.) "Look at the fucking trash just from cooking today."

Mom watched the first four episodes of Season 2 of Lost on Friday night. I watched the first episode Saturday morning.
-- On the opening scene: "Fucking weird."
-- On Jack: "He acts like a general. He thinks he's the boss of everyone. Fuck you, Jack."

Mom made a cake today, and I brought it to work. As she goes to put the cake on the floor of my passenger side, she sees several water bottles. "Fucking ridiculous."

As I'm about to pull off to work, mom comes back outside. She shows me her phone bill, which has three charges for receiving pictures. "What the fuck is this? I don't even know how to do that."

PARTING SHOTS
I hit the print button, and Max and I turn to look at the printer on the other side of the room.

Max: I see the light.
Brick: Max, don't go near the light.
Marcus: Gamby, go toward the light.

Marcus sort of says it's OK for me to cry if UNC loses.

D: Because he's a true Heels fan.
Marcus: You mean he's a true heel.

D was watching some cooking show where the guy kept saying he was adding holy water to the mix and then later admitted the holy water was actually beer.

Me: D, that's sacrilege.
D: Yeah. I'd have drank that beer.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
This list is kind of in code. Those that know, know. If you don't, I can explain it to you. It's a good story.

5) Do you have a life?

4) And then that's it?

3) They're in for a ...

2) It's quiet at the end.

1) LJell.