WELCOME TO THE NEW MILLENNIUM

Upon returning to my workstation after two days off, I was welcomed with a new computer system. That's right. We're upgrading. Almost half of us are there now.

At first, I was a little upset because Paul's drawing of The Gene Pool wrestler that I had taped to the computer was tossed into the corner of my station. Why don't you just crumble it up and throw it away while you're at it? Also, everything not saved in a certain way from the previous system has been deleted from my desktop. Thanks for the warning.

I quickly got over being bitchy about those two things because I'm, as Kelly would say, "super excited" about the new setup. Stephen told me, "Gene, it's not a toy." Well, it sort of is.

Before I forget, I need to mention some specifics of this amazing upgrade. Yeah, we just got Windows XP: Professional. Now, as of January, this version is no longer available for purchase because it's outdated. That doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're getting rid of Windows NT: Workstation 4.0. You know when that hit the market? July 29, 1996. Yikes.

Let's take a look at the improvements:

-- Signing onto the system takes four seconds. As opposed to a full minute or maybe not at all because the computer needed to be rebooted.
-- I didn't crash once tonight. With the old system, I reset the computer 1 to 3 times per night.
-- I have flash. This means I can go to more than six Web sites now.
-- Having flash gives me access to YouTube. I can't tell you how many times I've needed/wanted to see a video on YouTube for work/personal knowledge but couldn't because of the terrible system. Problem solved.
-- The other computers didn't do this, but mine would have these spastic moments (about twice a week) where it would randomly open up like 10 applications and move all the icons all over the place. It was something to see. Ask Liam or Lopes. They know.
-- Sound. The old computer couldn't produce sound. This one does.

Jelly got pretty jealous of all this Thursday. She hasn't been upgraded yet. I tell her about one of the new tricks this pony can do. Jelly: WTF. That's as close to a curse as she's come all year.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom was not happy with where all my stuff was situated. "Pick up all this bullshit, and put it where it goes." (I did.)

I'm in the other room. Mom is watching TV. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Mom gave me a haircut today. That's part one of her request yesterday. During the haircut, she tells me that our hygienist cuts her own hair. "I couldn't do that. How do you know what the fuck you're doing?"

Mom leaves the living room where I'm sitting. Her voice trails off. "It's like living in a fucking ... "

OK. New contest. What did mom say to finish the previous phrase? Submit your "guesses" via e-mail, in person, in a text message, on the comment section, etc. Be creative. Winner gets a special prize.

PARTING SHOTS
I tell Marcus that Tulane took a four-point lead over Memphis with 16 minutes left.

Marcus: If Tulane wins, I'll buy you dinner at Chez-Picayune for a week.
Brick (to me): If they lose, you have to eat there for two weeks.

Marcus had to get in his favorite phrase before the night was over.

Marcus: Don't give up. Don't ever give up. (Pause.) Unless you're Gene. Gene, give it up.
Me: To who?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
No more fooling around. We've entered the top 50.

50) Frequency. 2000.
It's for fathers and sons. It's a murder mystery. It's sci-fi-ish. It's about baseball.

49) Armageddon. 1998.
And I don't want to miss a thing. Tear.

48) Presumed Innocent. 1990.
Rusty Sabich (opening line voiceover): I'm a prosecutor. I'm part of the business of accusing, judging and punishing. ... If they (the jury) cannot find the truth, what is our hope of justice?

47) Miracle. 2004.
I have the movie poster in my room.

46) Big Daddy. 1999.
Sonny: What are you talking about? We're four seconds late.
McDonald's worker: No. You're 30 minutes and four seconds late.
Sonny: Aw, Horseshit!