THERE. YOU HAPPY? I PULLED YOUR FINGER.


On three consecutive Saturdays in late November and early December, I gave verb definitions for everyone at the T-P office. It was a big hit. So much in fact that the two times I've seen Amanda since, she's begged me to do the same with the Loyola Yat-Together clan.

After the February meeting, I put some thought into it and jotted down some ideas. However, I decided to wait to post them until the March dinner was a few days away in order to spark some discussion.


YAT dictionary


pulling an Amanda, v.


1) to drive through an area (in her case Uptown) and not know where you're going, even though you went to school there and currently work there
2) to no-show an event you committed to attending

3) to possess nude photos of semi-famous people


pulling a Christina, v.


1) to call somebody "even" in lieu of the person's name
2) to flee the country to get married
3) to have your name misspelled on a cake


pulling a Gene, v.


1) to organize monthly dinners with local college friends
2) to arrive late to a meeting for which you set the start time


pulling a Greg, v.


1) to keep hope alive with a girl, no matter what
2) to anticipate the release of comic-book related entertainment
3) to spend your lunch hour making copies by yourself in the library


pulling a Kelli, v.


1) to watch a movie a second or third or fourth time and not remember how it ends
2) to travel to Orlando every other month
3) to refuse to stiff a bad waiter by a measly nine cents


pulling a Kevin, v.

(one for each of the four stages I've known him: grammar school, high school, college, adulthood.)

1) to need handcuffs to prevent from holding in flag football

2) to stop talking to me for five years and then be my friend again

3) to pass upper-level courses by any means necessary

4) to get propositioned by at least one member of each sex in the same night

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

We put two discs for Netflix in the mail Thursday. The way the system works, we should get the next two discs today. We didn't. My mom: "That's bullshit."

Mom tells me about some UNC-Duke rivalry on American Idol. "He's (the UNC student) got the weirdest fucking name. Anoop. Where does that come from? Anyway, they were in this big discussion (about UNC-Duke), and no one knew what the fuck they were talking about."

Mom and I are discussing the story in the paper about a guy getting arrested for stealing a laptop because he left his cell phone at the scene. "Ain't that funny? He left his fucking cell phone there. But they don't think he stole it because he was fucking the victim's sister, and she gave it to him."

Mom can't believe the actions of the SLU student who killed three other students while driving home drunk. "What the fuck was he thinking getting behind the wheel? How fucking drunk do you have to be to not remember killing somebody? That's fucked up."

I tell mom that David Cook's song Heroes is the official theme song for next week's SEC Tournament. "I love seeing David Cook shit get promoted."

Mom walks in from the backyard. "Long fucking day, man."

We're measuring the space the new treadmill takes up. "I can't see shit."

Mom is pissed at the DVR. It knocked off House and 24 for Monday because Dancing with the Stars comes back on. So, it switched from recording CBS and FOX to CBS and ABC. "You got to be here to change your shit. Otherwise, it's fucked up." We then see that shows are starting at 6 instead of 7 on Monday. Mom figures out the reason a few minutes later. "Daylight Savings is probably why it looked fucked up."

Mom and I sat down to watch Life on Mars on Saturday afternoon.

-- During Sam's dream sequence to open the show. "What the fuck?"

-- Sam turns off the record player in the dream. "Fucking 45."

-- The 1973 bomb squad is shown. " 'That's your bomb squad?' That's fucking funny."

-- About holding the professor for questioning. "There ain't no way in fucking hell that her husband wouldn't have a fucking lawyer in there by now."

-- Lt. Hunt is shown drinking in his office. "That's what I love about these old shows. They all got fucking alcohol in the office. This. Mad Men."

ANOTHER MISTAKE DOWNSTAIRS

Late in the shift Friday night, Liam and I ran into each other in the hallway that leads to the cafeteria. I was pacing the hallway near the framed front page - not sports, the main front page - of LSU's championship in 2004. Liam: "What are you doing? Looking for more mistakes?"

(He asked that because a few months ago I found a mistake on the front page - not sports, the main front page - of LSU's championship in 2008. It says on that front: "Compete coverage in Sports." Get that? Compete. What kind of coverage is there in sports? Compete. After all, sports is competition.)

I actually wasn't looking at the 2004 front page for mistakes. I was just admiring it for a second. But as soon as he said that, I found a mistake.

Here's the cutline under the big picture: "LSU head coach Nick Saban holds the trophy signifying the BCS championship as defensive tackle Chad Lavalais, left, and wide receiver Michael Clayton, second from left, and other Tiger players celebrate the fitting end of a storybook season."

OK, it's not as funny as compete coverage, but using "and" twice in a list of three things is incorrect. When you read the first and, you think that the sentence is about to end after the next player's name is mentioned. Without the first and, there is no confusion. Bad newspaper.

PARTING SHOT

On Friday night, Mike tells me that Earth, Wind & Fire played at the White House when a bunch of governors met with Obama.

Mike: Anybody else's band played (from Tuesday's mix CD) at the White House? I don't think so.

Me: I don't think Obama would invite Britney.

Mike: Oh, Bill Clinton would have, though.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five TV brothers.

5) Arnold and Willis Drummond. Different Strokes.

I love that shirt that says: I'm what Willis was talking about.

4) Joe and Brian Hackett. Wings.

Perfect complements.

3) Corey and Eric Matthews. Boy Meets World.

Never has a teacher taken such a special interest in two brothers.

2) Ray and Robert Barone. Everybody Loves Raymond.

I don't think Robert loved Raymond.

1) Nathan and Peter Petrelli. Heroes.

Those crazy kids are always saving each other and the world.