WATCH OUT FOR THE MADNESS. IT'LL GET YA.

A possible daily look at the toll the tournament takes on my life.

1) ALL THE WAY, MAY. I started watching college basketball at 11:20 a.m. Thursday. I stopped around 11:35 p.m. I didn't see every minute, but my mind was on it most of the time. Heck, my work assignment Thursday revolved entirely around March Madness. Yup, Thursday was a beautiful day.

2) MOMENT OF THE DAY: Tyler breaking the ACC scoring record. Sorry, Lopes. The crowd and I (while eating biscuits) gave him a standing ovation as he also broke the foul shot record at the same time. Actually, with every made foul shot, he breaks that record. Still, it's a record.

I was upset that they didn't stop the game for the ACC record. He also should have waved. No, not to the crowd. To me.

3) QUOTE OF THE DAY: I got a phone call from Little Joe just after LSU wrapped up its first-round victory. "I just want you to know, Gene, that as of Saturday, you're dead to me." I understand. After all, I am sort of sticking a knife in fellow LSU fans' backs by cheering against the Tigers on Saturday. But what am I supposed to do? It's the Heels. Blame the selection committee. And Canada.

4) ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? I'm watching one game on CBS and trying to get my laptop to connect to the Internet, so I can watch the Memphis game (this is while they were trailing) as well. Tina walks up to me. Tina: "Want to go out for lunch?" Uh, no. Hello.

Not only did Tina ask me such a ridiculous question on the opening day of the tournament, she also filled out a bracket. And you know who she picked to win it all? Duke. How dare she.

5) HEY, CBS. YOU SUCK. Yup, they still suck. (Though perhaps they weren't as bad today as in previous years.) Those network morons don't know when to switch games. Early Thursday, Purdue-Northern Iowa was going down to the wire. Now, they should have switched to this game at about four or five minutes remaining and stuck with it.

But what did they do? They kept showing me the California-Maryland game (which was close) that had 17 minutes remaining. Well, guess what? When the other game is over, there still will be plenty of time left in this one. When did they actually switch to Purdue? With 48 seconds left. Thanks a lot, assholes.

6) STAR OF THE DAY: As the drama was building late in the VCU-UCLA game, the star of the day took center stage. CBS came back from commercial showing several VCU fans in the front row. One lovely, young lady wasn't wearing a shirt. Just a bra.

Now, they weren't that big, but they were big enough. The best part is that she kind of shook them a little, and the camera guy (a personal hero) zoomed in and held steady for several seconds.

Man, I love March Madness.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom was not happy about the person who got the boot on American Idol. After the girl's name was announced, I hear (and I'm sure the neighbors did, too): "Bullshit!" (She didn't expect the girl to win, but mom had her making the Top 6.)

Mom isn't the biggest fan of the NCAA Tournament. The games interrupt her soap operas. "My stories don't come on for two days. What the fuck am I going to do with myself?"

Mom and I had a discussion about Monday's episode of 24.

-- About the senator. "I thought he was going to fuck Jack. (That's what Ted said.) I really thought he was going to fucking backstab him."
-- On the main FBI agent accusing Jack of killing the senator: "After all those people that Jack saved over the last 12 fucking hours, and dickface's first words are 'Jack killed him.' "

PARTING SHOTS
Co-workers are joking that somebody would put something in my drink.

Derry: That's not just fizz.

I show that I can make sick jokes, too.

Someone: I'm already tight.
Me: That's what she said.

(An hour later.)
Shams: Duke has a lot more size than they do.
Liam (rolling over to me in his chair): That's what he said.
(Don't worry. I explained to him that it is supposed to be, That's what Ted said.)

THE DAILY TOP LIST
Turn off the lights and snuggle up to some more movies.

40) Coming to America. 1988.
Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you. Who's next?

39) Liar. Liar. 1993.
Best scene is when he kicks his ass in the bathroom.

38) A Few Good Men. 1992.
Deep down in places you don't talk about at parties you want me to keep posting. You need me to keep posting. ... I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way.

I hope you were able to handle this truth.

37) Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. 1997.
Austin: Hey! There you are!
Random guy: Hi. ... Do I know you?
Austin: No. But that's where you are. You're there.

36) Lethal Weapon. 1987.
I'm too old for this shit!