JU JU EMERGES; CP3 EYES QUADS

The Hornets advertised it as Honeybee Night, but it was really Ju Ju Night. He dunked. He threw alley-oops. He made jumpers. He rebounded. He made a double-block, save-the-ball-to-CP3-to-lead-to-a-big-3 play. You could say that the opposition was Thunderstruck. Get it?

Saturday's game was in fact Honeybee Night. Not only did they do their usual dance routines (I hardly ever pay attention to these - no seriously, I don't), each Honeybee participated during the night in another way. No. Not in the Whorenet kind of way. One did the bowling into trash cans that Hugo usually does, three others did some silly bike race, a couple others did a basketball race. Etc.

In addition, the first 8,000 fans received a 2009 Honeybees poster that features all 21 of your favorite Whorenets. I was called a sick bastard in relation to this poster twice. Crazy.

1) Before the game, I stopped by in the lower seats of my section to say hello to Brian and Dave. 

Brian: You like the Honeybees poster?

Me: Uh, I'm saving it until I get home.

Brian: You sick bastard. 

2) I upload the picture to the blog Monday afternoon and show Lopes. 

Lopes: You sick bastard. 

The Hornets are now 7-0 in games of my 10-game package in which Chris Paul doesn't leave in the third quarter with a groin injury. Coincidentally, the Wasps also extended their winning streak to seven. By the way, my 10-game package is called the Contenders Package. So, the Thunder is a contender? Really? Well, they are contending for the No. 1 draft pick. 

I took my dad to a game for the second time this season. And for the second time this season, I sat in my actual seat. That's because it was actually crowded. In other games, I was just sitting in unoccupied seats much closer than mine.

The most interesting part of the night was listening to the four guys in front of me. They were convinced from the middle of the second quarter until late in the fourth that CP3 was going to have a quadruple-double. I'm not kidding. They thought it was in the bag. It's only been done four times in history, but whatever. 

At halftime, one guy: "He's already got the points. He's got seven or eight assists, seven or eight rebounds and six or seven steals." CP3 had five rebounds at the half. Paul got one rebound in the second half. 

After that rebound, another guy: "There's another one. That's eight rebounds. Two more to go. He already has the other three." What? You think he has 10 steals? I don't think so. Paul, in fact, did not finish with a quadruple-double. He had six rebounds and six steals. Morons. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I'm watching Sunday's episode of Family Guy when my mom comes in from outside. She looks at the DVR. "I see it fucking fixed itself."
Me: Huh?
Mom: The DVR went an hour ahead earlier. They have a recording saying they're fixing the problem. Now, I'm fucked on my soaps. Everything's out of order.

I catch mom talking to herself in the living room. "No. No. No. No. Too much shit to do."

Mom realizes that we're recording a lot of stuff collectively tonight. "We got all five fucking stations going. Fucking Monday." (That's right. CBS, NBC, FOX, ABC and USA were all recorded tonight in our house.)

Mom: How much will it cost to fix your tooth?
Me: $800.
Mom: Fucking ridiculous.

Mom comes back inside. "Feels like fucking summertime out there. Fucking March. ... This is fucked. Here we go already. Fucking March."

Mom goes to grab the Living section to show me the lineup for Dancing with the Stars. She knocks over a whole stack of papers. "Fuck me!" I read the list out loud. "What's the pioneer of fucking Apple doing on Dancing with the Stars?"

I show mom a skit from SNL mocking the Celebrity Apprentice. "Dennis Rodman is on the fucking Apprentice? That's got to be fucking hilarious."

PARTING SHOTS
There is a dispute about how much Lopes earns.

Marcus: He wants Bart Scott money, and he's more like Bart Simpson.

I say something mildly humorous and am proud of it.

Marcus: Gene, you feeling yourself aren't you?
(Laughter ensues.)
Me: No. I'm not the old man in the nursing home. (Inside joke.)
Bake: Are you the old man in the theatre?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five SportsCenter commercials featuring superstar athletes.

5) LeBron James.
The king can't concentrate without his throne.

4) Chris Paul.
I give the thumbs up to Chinese orders, too.

3) Drew Brees.
We've all been stuck behind a float around here.

2) The Mannings.
Kids always act up on tours.

1) Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Chair shots are fun.