I SORT OF ALMOST WENT.

On Sunday night, I started to think about it. On Monday after talking to some co-workers, I decided I should really do it. On Tuesday morning, I decided to go for it. I got my dad to join me Tuesday afternoon.

What am I rambling about? Well, going to the North Carolina-Gonzaga Sweet 16 game in Memphis on Friday night, of course. It's only a six-hour drive, I'm off and I've, obviously, never seen Tyler in person. Plus, the quality time with pops thing.

As it turns out, I'm not heading to Beale Street. The big hold-up ended up being the ticket situation. In previous excursions of this nature, the tickets were the easy part. Not this time.

Here's the sources from which I tried to acquire tickets Tuesday afternoon. (I don't feel comfortable just driving there and hoping to scalp some tickets. Too much risk involved.)

1) Ticketmaster.
Problem: Two tickets weren't available together. So, I thought I could do this by myself. However, individual tickets on Ticketmaster must be purchased for Friday's and Sunday's games. And the price was $166 before fees. Eh.

2) Ticketstub.
I found two tickets in the upper deck for $46 a pop (before fees). Sweet. I signed up for an account. I typed in my credit card number. I entered my billing address and phone number. That's how close I really was to going.

Problem: Right before I clicked the order button, I noticed a note above it. It said that the tickets needed to be picked up at the Memphis Marriott, located a mile from the arena.

a) That makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure I believe in this hotel pickup system.
b) There was a $15 charge to do this.
c) Most important, tickets have to be picked up before tipoff of the first game between Syrcause of Oklahoma. With my dad's schedule, I was hoping to get there for halftime of the first game. Which would have been fine since the UNC game is what counts. But not according to this message.

3) Craig's List.
I read through several pages of listings. I found one good offer. Two tickets for $35. I e-mailed the poster to sort out some details.

Problem: By Wednesday afternoon, there was no response. So, I called my dad and told him the trip was off.

I think tickets are tougher to come by for NCAA Tournament games than say a random NBA or MLB playoff game. I don't know. Maybe I didn't look hard enough. Maybe I was looking for an excuse not to do it and that hotel pickup was it.

It was exciting for about a day when I thought there was a legitimate chance of doing this thing. It would have been, dare I say, March Madness.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom cancelled HBO on Wednesday morning. "As soon as I hung up the phone, I put it on HBO. It was already gone. They don't fuck around." Mom then tells me the new price of our cable bill. "That's still bullshit. It's fucking ridiculous."

Mom wonders what you really get for that $99 bundle Cox always advertises. "Basic fucking cable TV. Slowest Internet and a telephone."

I'm watching Chuck and Heroes in the dining room while mom watches soap operas in the living room.
-- A character expresses confusion. "That's cuz he's fucking her."
-- Mom has a mystery figured out. "Come on. We know it's fucking Damien. Show his face."

After that viewing, I caught the 1982 NCAA title game between North Carolina and Georgetown on ESPN Classic. I have mom sit with me and watch the last eight minutes.
-- Mom sits down. "This game's fucking old."

-- A commercial break is going on for too long. Me: How long is this commercial?
Mom: Every fucking commercial is long. Why you think I don't watch fucking live TV? I can't wait for eight fucking episodes (of Lost to come today)."

-- UNC starts running its Four Corner offense. Mom: What are they doing?
Me: Playing keep away. There's no shot clock, and they have the lead.
Mom: That's bullshit.

-- Fred Brown makes his infamous pass to James Worthy to blow the game for Georgetown. Mom: What the fuck's he doing? Are you fucking kidding me? I bet they tortured him when he got home. (They show a replay.) What the fuck? If this were soccer, they'd kill him. They'd have a gun waiting for his ass."

Mom keeps checking for the mail in anticipation of two discs of Lost. "It's gonna come fucking late today."

My phone makes the running-low-on-battery sound. "Plug the fucking thing in!"

We are out of mustard, and mom just made hot dogs.
Mom: Just take a handful of packs home from work.
Me: So, you mean steal.
Mom: It's fucking mustard.

FOUR CORNERS
A closer look at The Gene Pool World.

-- Paul called with some good news today. We have a free place to stay in Houston for two nights on our upcoming trip. Our hotel is only booked from Friday to Sunday, but we will be there from Thursday to Tuesday.

Our friend Matt, who declined to acquiesce to our request at first, has graciously agreed (he admitted to being a douche bag when he said no) to allow us to crash at his suburban Houston apartment complex on Thursday and Monday night. That's money in my pocket, yo.

-- My favorite thing about entering the New Orleans Arena for Hornets games has nothing to do with basketball. It's the joy that comes with reading the Honeybee Spotlight in the game program. It doesn't happen in every game program, but part of the fun of walking in the building and opening the program is discovering whether or not you get the pleasure of reading a Honeybee Spotlight.

The Honeybee, sorry I mean Whorenet, du jour answers typical questions such as favorite movie, player, hometown, etc. Well, I laugh out loud at least once every time. Let's look at the last two spotlights.
a) Saydi: Three words that describe you: gregarious, affectionate and motivated. (Gregarious? LOL.)
b) Ashlie: Favorite website: google.com. ... I literally Google everything! (Literally? LOL! Note: Half of the answers to this question are google or facebook.)

-- In the past week I've read these signs on the billboard at the Shimmy Shack:

a) I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
b) My wife got plastic surgery. I cut up all her credit cards!
c) What do you call 2,000 pounds in Chinese? Won Ton!

-- I told Tina about the baby race at the Hornets game on Sunday, and she quickly responded that I would have won the race easily as a baby because I loved to crawl fast everywhere. I then was telling Jelly that on Tuesday when I explained the baby race to her. Jelly recalls previous Tina curses when Tina spoke of my accomplishments as a toddler.

Jelly: You might have peaked by 18 months.
Me: Tina would probably agree with that.

PARTING SHOTS
I give Bake a proof with an ad from a bunch of businesses offering job opportunities.

Bake (in Jelly's direction): Hmm, cocktail servers.
Jelly: Thanks, Bake. That's the first one Gene pointed out to me, too.
Bake: No. I meant for me.

I show Bake the Whorenets home page. It has a tree with a mug of each girl on a branch. A bee flies around the tree and touches the mug of each girl.

Bake: Doing a little pollinating there.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five TV brother-sister combinations.

5) Greg and Marsha Brady. The Brady Bunch.
Share the attic in an episode, eh? I'd like to see the deleted scenes from that one.

4) Alex and Mallory Keaton. Family Ties.
I mean Alex gave up a chance at Princeton to help Mallory deal with a crisis. That's love.

3) Chuck and Ellie Bartowski. Chuck.
Oh, if Ellie only knew what her baby brother was really doing with his life.

2) Michael and Lindsay Bluth. Arrested Development.
So, she came on to him at the end. Whatever. She was adopted.

1) Ross and Monica Gellar. Friends.
Two favorite episodes involving their relationship are: a) where they play football on Thanksgiving for a trophy and b) the one with the Routine.