Taking a break from March Madness on Sunday night, I went down to the New Orleans Arena with Bert, who will be moving back to town to clerk for a Supreme Court judge after he finishes law school, for a little Hornets action. The game itself was boring, as the Wasps had the game in control in the second quarter.
That makes the Hornets 8-0 in games that are part of my 10-game package in which Chris Paul doesn't hurt his groin in the third quarter.
As we exited Bert's vehicle, we noticed this dude parking in the space next to us. Bert: "All these spots, and he parks next to me." Yeah. There must have been 100 empty spots. Creepy.
Sunday was Hugo's Birthday and Kids Day at the Nest. For Hugo's birthday party, several other mascots from around the Association stopped by to celebrate and sign autographs for the kiddies.
I was excited to see that the Rockets' mascot was sitting next to Hugo. That must mean they are good buddies. Hugo wouldn't let anyone who wasn't his bestest friend sit next to him on his birthday, right? All is right with the world. Rockets and Hornets best friends. Warms the heart.
After I took this picture, I wondered: What is the name of the Rockets' mascot? I had no clue. So, I walked around and checked it out.
YES! It's not as good as the Wizards' mascot (G-Wiz), but it is quite a fitting one, coming from Clutch City and all. Of course, that was like 14 years ago, and when you look at recent playoff history, they might want to think about changing the mascot back to Choke.
During a timeout in the game, all the mascots took turns dunking off a trampoline. Clutch ripped off his uniform to reveal he was wearing nothing but a pink thong. Then, he gyrated near the front row. Not exactly appropriate for Kids Day, if you ask me.
And oh my god, they're racing babies!
Me: Are they really racing babies?
Bert: Yes. Yes they are.
Me: OK. (Louder) I got $7 on No.3. Any takers?
(Nobody in our section took me up. I knew I should have picked up a racing form earlier.)
Usually, the halftime show at these games is some freak of nature doing something he learned how to do when he should have been playing outside with the rest of the kids. But for Kids Day, the halftime entertainment was a baby race in which the babies race from one parent to the other.
The ironic word here is race because the last thing these babies did was race. As you can see on the far left, a young lady got off to a terrific start. No other baby moved in the first minute, and the girl on the end was halfway to the finish line at about the 25-second mark. Unfortunately for her parents, she stopped dead in the middle and didn't move for the rest of the contest. TBS.
As Jelly told me Tuesday, it is difficult for these youngsters (probably 8 to 10 months old) to just go ahead and crawl that far to the other parent. The parents at the finish line kept throwing things at their children. That was creepy and didn't work. In fact, one baby turned around and went back to the starting parent after being rolled a ball by the parent at the finish line.
You can't really tell but there are two babies in the middle (still at the start) staring directly at each other. I swear I thought they were going to make out. They definitely were into each other.
Halftime is 15 minutes. This race took so long I was half-expecting Chris Paul to come out for the second half, pick up one of the babies and carry it to the finish line. That wasn't necessary, as at about 7:30 into the race, the baby on the far right took off like a bullet and won easily.
Did I mention that this event is sponsored by the T-P? The T-P: Where Racing Babies Happens.
As Bert and I were walking back to the car, someone runs into the back of me. I turn to see Laura. Seems as if she was stalking me and followed me out of the building. She then told me that she was no longer on a quest to be in The Gene Pool because she now deems that beneath her.
I think it was a reverse psychology ploy by Laura to make me think she doesn't want to get mentioned. In reality, however, she still very much craves that attention. And she believes that by professing that she doesn't want to be mentioned, I'll go on and on about her.
Hey, wait a minute.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom made banana pancakes today. Yum. She leaves the kitchen and walks back in later. "Jeez. Fucking disaster in here."
Mom is mad at some medication. "Fucking pills ... "
I'm watching 24, and mom comes in the room. "Everything's going on, and the president don't know shit."
I'm packing for work. I open the fridge, retrieve a water from the back and head to my car. I then realize that I forgot my dinner in the fridge and go back for it. Mom sees all of this.
Mom: You got a water and reached right over the dinner without taking it?
Me: Yup.
Mom: That's fucking sad.
PARTING SHOTS
I finish my dinner at my desk. I try to throw away the fork but miss the garbage can. The fork lands under Jelly's shoe.
Bake (to Jelly): Gene just threw a fork under your foot.
Jelly: Do not use the words Gene and fork in the same sentence about me.
Bake: How about spoon?
Jelly: Uh, that might be worse because of the intimacy issue.
We get word that Pancho's already has opened. Derry decides to go Wednesday.
Derry: I'll be in at 6:30 tomorrow.
Jelly: And I'll be leaving at 6:32.
THE DAILY TOP LIST
I don't want to take a break. Let's fucking go again.
25) Home Alone. 1990.
Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes.
24) Rain Man. 1988.
K-Mart does suck.
23) The Mummy. 1999.
Beni: Hey, O'Connell! It looks to me like I've got all the horses!
Rick: Hey, Beni! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!
22) A League of Their Own. 1992.
See how it works is, the train moves and not the station.
21) The Fugitive. 1993.
Sam Gerard: Newman, what are you doing?
Newman: I'm thinking.
Sam: Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top.
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