TIME TO GIVE THANKS

I told mom Happy Thanksgiving at 3 a.m. Thursday morning when she got up for the day. I didn't say those two words for the rest of the day. Yup, I'm a rebel. Not that I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving or remind myself of the things for which I'm grateful.

Mom made a batch of chicken wings and potato salad. For dinner, I had some leftover ribs and corn. That's the traditional stuff, right? Sorry to say, I don't like turkey so much. I did have a couple bowls of mom's shrimp and corn soup. I felt like I died and went to heaven. For dessert, a cookie crust filled with chocolate pudding and whip cream. Yummy.

I stopped by my grandma's house on the way to work. Lots of family there. I have a cousin named Kaegan, who I believe is 11 now. I've hardly spoken to the kid. Until Thursday that is. His mom, my first cousin, mentioned something about him watching too much wrestling. I did a double take.

I then started talking to him. His four favorites are all good. He's been trying to learn his history and even attempted to stump me with some trivia. All easy stuff. But still, he's only 11. There's hope for this kid after all. I'm thinking about taking him to the next Raw.

In grammar school, they used to make us do art projects for Thanksgiving, where you make the word into an acronym and list all the things that make it a Happy Thanksgiving. Damn, I miss grammar school.

T elevision
H ealth
A nything involving cheap liquor
N ot having to answer to anyone
K eeping my job
S kittles that cost five cents
G ames (playing them, board or athletic, and watching the big ones)
I nternet
V ery good friends
I ntellectual depth
N eedling my mom so she curses me out for your amusement
G ambling at Harrah's

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

At first, my mom is disappointed in the after Thanksgiving sale ads she's looking at. "They just aren't ever gonna put their fucking iPods on sale."

Then, she found something she likes: $2 movies at Wal-Mart. "They have fucking Wedding Crashers for $2."

Mom is looking through the ads and goes off on a tangent. "And what about fucking Nip Tuck? When is that even coming out? Jesus. After that ending. It's like the show went boom. Jesus."

Mom then reverts back to complaining about the ads. "They don't even have fucking Sopranos on sale this year. I guess they're trying to sell that big pack that is fucking $350. Who the fuck is gonna buy that?"

Mom says something about the declining economy.
Me: The economy isn't as bad here as in other places.
Mom: The fucking crime is. We even worse than De-fucking-troit.

I tell mom about my Geico bill dropping because I turned 25. Was she happy? No. She was more worried about the proof of insurance card. "I'm not going to remind you to print out all that bullshit."

BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME

I was reading the Hornets story on the front page the other day. It was talking about Mr. West and CP3 taking over games in leading the team on a three-game winning streak. It had a chart with their stats from those wins. I then said aloud to no one: "Well, playing the two worst teams in the league didn't hurt."

I quickly realized that "Well, blah blah blah didn't hurt" is the foil to my previous entry, "Well blah blah blah didn't help." Whereas the latter is used when talking about how a loss came about, the former is used to reference the nuances of a victory. I shall use these phrases all the time now. Come and join me.

PARTING SHOTS
We're discussing wikipedia and how JRap is like a walking wikipedia. Sandy says I'm like a mini-wikipedia.

Me: Yeah. You see, JRap's wikipedia knowledge cuts off circa 2000.
Derry: You never want your wik to cut off.

D is telling me that I blew it with the smoking girl Tuesday.

Sandy: Remember, Gene. Only whores smoke in public.
D: Yeah. She could be an ashtray mouth.
Derry: Is that as bad as a potty mouth?
Anne: Or you could be Derry and be both.

Liam had two thoughts on football.
1) On the Titans blowing out the Lions: "I say they put a real lion on the field."
2) On the Saints-Packers game: "I told D that if he went to Green Bay, he would be the only D there."

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five favorite things about Thanksgiving

5) Madigan's.
I realized while thinking about this list that I've been to this bar five years in a row on Thanksgiving. But hardly ever besides the day of giving thanks. I guess it's a tradition.

4) Short shift. No traffic.
This is on the list for any holiday.

3) Football.
OK. So all three games were blowouts. But ideally, you have a big meal and some good action on the gridiron.

2) Mom's shrimp and corn soup.
It has crab meat in it, too. It is so good. I can't say this enough.

1) Thanksgiving episodes of Friends.
Mom and I had a marathon today. My favorite one is with Chandler in a box.