COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF

(The headline if Brees had led a Saints' blowout)

Well, we can't declare the season over just yet. Much like their record indicates, the Saints are not a bad team. They are not a good team either. My optimisticness won't allow me to give up too early on a season. And I haven't on the Saints having a successful season. I have, however, given up on them reaching the postseason. 

Even if they go 5-1 and finish 10-6, they're probably looking at hoping to win a tiebreaker. An NFC East team and Tampa Bay will most definitely be 10-6 or better in the wild-card picture.

I'll call 9-7 a successful season. I don't think the Saints have much chance at Chicago or at Tampa Bay. I like their chances in the two home divisional games and at Detroit. Once again that leaves the return to the Dome on Monday night against Green Bay as the key game. 

Saints thoughts from Sunday's ultra-exciting 30-20 win over the Chiefs. 

1) How bout those two goal-line stands? Five tackles inside the 5-yard line. Classic Saints defense.

2) Saints record when I'm there: 3-0.

Saints record when I watch alone: 2-0.

Saints record when I watch with Paul: 0-3.

Saints record when I watch at work: 0-2.

3) Lopes brought up a half-joking point: "Are the Saints the only team that hasn't used the Wildcat?" Can't be, huh? I don't know, maybe. It can't be many. Has anyone asked Payton about the possibility of using it with Bush? Heck, the Dolphins are using multiple backs in the formation now. Ricky ran out of it twice Sunday. 

4) THE BIG PLAY. If you look at one play that led to victory, it's the Kansas City receiver dropping an easy catch (with no defensive pressure) on third-and-2 with 10 minutes left and the score 27-20. The Chiefs had all the momentum and would have been inside the Saints' 35.

I combine that with the decision not to go for it on fourth down as THE BIG PLAY. Here's why Herm should have gone for it:

a) The Chiefs had scored on the previous two possessions. They had driven up and down the field pretty easily, including on that drive. 

b) Kansas City had already picked up two fourth-and-shorts. Why not a third one. 

c) By punting, you take the chance the Saints will basically run out the clock. The Saints offense is capable of killing 10 minutes. Trust me. 

d) K.C. might have trusted its defense because it got a three-and-out on the possession before. But 1) The Saints had scored on the five possessions in a row before that and 2) The three-and-out involved two dropped passes with no defensive pressure.

e) You're a 1-8 team that has all the momentum. Always go for it in that situation.  

5) Announcers. 

a) Hokie was upset despite the victory because the Saints "never established a run game." Didn't establish a run game? Pierre Thomas ran 16 times for 88 yards, including picking up third-and-1 twice. You can make the point that they should have run even more against the league's worst-ranked run defense, and I agree with you. But they most certainly established a solid attack.

b) After showing a Packers-Bears highlight, the play-by-play guy says: "Every game's a money game in the NFL. But if you play for the Packers, when the Bears come in, that's a money game." Yup. The Bears-Packers counts as a money game because it meets his first criteria of a money game: being in the NFL.

He also said after the final play of the first half: "Hartley has still not missed wearing a Saints uniform." He says that as if Hartley has made 20 in a row or been there for a season and a half. Then after Hartley's fifth make: "They may have a keeper here." Slow your roll, buddy. Gramatica was 5-of-5 in 2007 for the Saints.

c) Brian Billick. I like him a lot. He's not overbearing like most analysts, he makes good points, and he adds humor. Right before the second half, he accurately summed up the play of both teams. You can tell he knows what he's talking about, too. Here's some humor:

Play-by-play guy: What is the safest, most efficient pass right now to get 3 yards?

Billick: A completion. (He then gave a serious answer, a quick out to Gonzalez.)

6) If Deuce gets suspended for four games, the running game won't suffer too much. I feel pretty good about the future with Pierre Thomas. He bounces off tackles, he squirts through holes, he spins away from defenders, he churns for extra yards. And his nickname is apparently Peanut.

7) They showed previews for this move "Australia" about 413 times during the game. Anyone else recognize that music? Sounds an awful lot like the fighting music they used throughout the Pirates trilogy. 

8) OK. I'll finally say it. Brees underthrows the deep ball almost every time. In the second quarter, Colston had a step on his man on the flea flicker. But had to slow up for the ball, and that's the main reason the defender was able to break it up without turning around. Brees ain't breaking no yards record like that, suckers. 

9) In his postgame interview, Payton said there's no HD on the field at Kansas City. So the refs look at reviews on regular TV? Is this the NFL? How much does that lower the chance of finding indisputable evidence to overturn a call?

10) The play-by-play guy, Billick and the Saints offense (I assume) all were unaware that the clock eventually restarts with more than two minutes in the first half even if someone goes out of bounds. How do you not run another play after Colston goes out of bounds with 2:14 left? (I guess that's not as bad as Donovan McNabb's cluelessness about the overtime rules.)

11) Payton's record vs. AFC teams

2006: 1-3.

2007: 1-3.

2008: 3-1. 

12) "Somewhere over D-wayne Bowe." Somewhere Judy Garland is rolling over in her grave. Was it wrong of me not to be mad when Bowe scored twice (Gay actually did pretty well on him) and Dorsey got a tackle for loss? 

13) Calling Robert Meachem. Meachem? Meachem? You there, pal? At the beginning of the season, he looked like he was going to have a sophomore surge. Peeps was calling him Big Catch Bob. And now? Well, I haven't heard his named mentioned (at work, among friends, in the paper, on TV) in like four weeks.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is walking around the living room. "This fucking house is freezing."

I'm cutting a piece of my birthday cake. "Jesus Christ. You're getting it all over the fucking place." I then take a spoon to scoop some ice cream. "Take the fucking thing and go. Jesus Christ. I can do stuff better than you when I'm drunk."

Mom still is upset with Kanye West. "First, he compared himself to a pop star (Justin Timberlake). Then to this fucking great basketball player (Michael Jordan). Who the fuck does he think he is?"

Mom also still is mad at David Archuleta. "Can you check dickhead's album sales? I can't believe he put out a fucking album before (David) Cook."

(IN BORAT VOICE:) HIGH FIVE!

1) I was never worried about LSU losing Saturday. I'm serious. When it was 24-3, I said that ain't nothing. I did expect them to score before halftime, though. When it became 31-3, I said there's still plenty of time for a comeback. OK, maybe I doubted a little. I certainly wouldn't have left the stadium like some of those other "diehards." 

Paul was at the game with Michelle and her friends. He said two of the people in the group left when LSU made the score 31-17. He couldn't understand leaving during the comeback. One word, Paul: Chicks. 

2) The Dolphins barely beat the Raiders. Not good. Here's how the Raiders scored 15 points.

Offense: 3.

Defense: 2.

Special teams: 7.

Hochuli: 3 (on a terrible pass interference call where the receiver fell after running into the defender, who had position). 

3) If you don't think Florida is the best team in the nation, we need to have a little talk. 

4) Do baseball free agents, their agents and MLB teams know the rest of the country and world is in an economic crisis? No? Aight. Just checking. 

5) Hornets thoughts. I figure I'll give these every 10 games or so. 

a) David West has been unimpressive so far. He's turning the ball over. He doesn't have touch on his shots. (That's actually a team-wide problem.) Can we correct this soon, Mr. West?

b) The Hornets defense gets into trouble when trapping. It always seems to end up in a wide- open shot for the other team.

c) I've counted two streaks this season where Paul steals the ball on consecutive possessions. Both streaks were in the second half. One of them was three possessions in a row. Wow.

d) If the Hornets hadn't got Posey, imagine how bad they would have started. He's been one of the main differences in three victories down the stretch. 

e) Rasual Butler should be banned from driving. So awkward. Conversely, I'd like to encourage Mo Pete to continue driving the lane. That's been one of the few positives so far. 

PARTING SHOTS

I told you to bet Jelly's NFL picks. You could have cleaned up with them. Jelly went 9-4 on Sunday (not counting the Pittsburgh game because the refs blew the spread on the final play.) As impressed as I've been all year with her picking, I'm equally upset with her arrogance Sunday when I was updating her on how everybody was doing in the T-P desk pool.

Jelly: Gene, I'm up by so much, I don't need to know every single pick. ... I don't even have to pick for a week. 

Retro quote: November 16, 2004

Christina doesn't like the way someone just described taking care of a baby boy.

Christina: It's not a dog, you know. You give it a home.

Me: You know it is a boy. You give him a home.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top 10 Martin Lawrence movies. I've seen a whopping 17 of them.

10) Martin Lawrence Live: Runteldat. 2002.

Awesome stand up. I watched it from the hallway at the theatre. 

9) Big Momma's House. 2000.

Momma, do you have two flashlights?

8) National Security. 2003.

Thought this was going to suck. Got a nice, little surprise. 

7) Bad Boys. 1995.

I have got to learn the words to that song.

6) Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins. 2008.

This swine is fine, divine, sublime and ... right on time. 

5) What's the Worst That Could Happen? 2001.

The most underrated film in the Lawrence collection. 

4) Bad Boys II. 2003.

How is there no Bad Boys III in the works?

3) Life. 1999.

Sometimes, I feel like I can't get right. 

2) Nothing to Lose. 1997.

Well, here's a synonym for procreation: Fuck you. 

1) Blue Streak. 1999.

Yo tengo el gato los pantalones.