ANY GIVEN SUNDAY  

I had an action-packed Sunday planned. Three places to go, three sets of people to see, three things to do. Plus, my cold is finally gone, so I was ready for some fun. Though my mom and Liam have told me that I gave them my cold. And all this time I was trying to give it to D.

1) Fox&Hound for the noon batch of football games.

The joint was not crowded at all. My waitress sat down and talked to me for like 15 minutes at one point because she didn't have any customers to wait on. Normally, the waitresses on Sunday don't have to time to go to the bathroom. Two factors contributed to this: a) The Saints play Monday. b) The Steelers played Thursday. Remind me to explain this phenomenon at some point.

As many times as I've been to Fox&Hound this year, I don't think I've had the same waitress twice or the same bartender if I've sat at the bar. This baffles me. Also of note, the F&H doesn't have any waiters. Is that a well-known policy? What happens if a dude applies?

The noon games sucked as far as drama goes. The closest game was the Dolphins and the Patriots, which I was mostly watching anyway. Not in terms of the score because the Pats won by 20. But in terms of the losing team actually having a chance in the fourth quarter. (It was 3 points with like nine minutes left.) Every other game was well in hand with 10 minutes to go. Boo. Me like drama. 

To me, the Patriots were an easy bet Sunday. I don't think the Dolphins are good. I just think they are not as bad as other teams. Though I really like the energy and emotion this team has played with all year. I'm proud of them again. That said, there was no way the Pats were getting swept by the Dolphins on the season. The Pats are pretty good and have gotten much better recently. Plus, the Dolphins were favored. That's like stealing money.

Four of the Dolphins five losses have been to good teams: Cards (7-4), Jets (8-3), Pats (7-4), Ravens (7-4). I'd like to have that damn Houston (4-7) game back. Pretty please.

2) Mid-City Bulldog for Christina's engagement party

I arrived at the party at 3:45 and stayed until 6:15. Amy and Christina's younger sister organized the festivities. They did a Mexican fiesta theme since Christina is getting married in Mexico. They did a really good job. All kinds of foods. Nicely decorated. Kudos.

Might I suggest that if you need a nice, little place to throw a party, the back of the Bulldog is fantastic. All you need to do is pay for the keg, and you get the patio area for the day. 

When I first got to the party, I was talking to Amy and Christina. I was saying how nice the place looked when I noticed the cake a few feet away. I jokingly said to Christina: "That's a nice cake ya'll got there. But it's all good as long as they don't spell your name wrong, right?" 

I had no idea that her name was actually spelled incorrectly. The cake was delicious, and before you knew it, it was all gone. But someone over there at Creative Cakes doesn't know how to spell. Who names their kid Christana? 

I felt really bad when I realized that her name was misspelled. Poor kid. At least it's not on something permanent. You know, like the wedding program or in a picture on the Internet. 

At least she got a new nickname out of it: Stana. 

I believe this dude works at the Bulldog. Right before he came out to the back, two other people were trying to turn on the TV. They took a remote and hit every button. Nothing. Then this guy showed up, like my knight in shining armor. 

He shook the TV several times with no success, as you can see above. Then once more. And voila. Giants vs. Cardinals. 

What's a Mexican themed party without margaritas? Not a real one. That's for sure. Christina, however, refused to take multiple tequila shots. Something about her family being there. 

Me: If you can't get wild and crazy at your engagement party, then when can you?

Christina: At my wedding reception. Duh. (Touche. And CONGRATULATIONS, STANA.)

3) Mr. Carl's house for the Survivor Series

It's the fourth biggest pay-per-view of the year. I haven't seen one since 2004, so I requested off a while back, taking advantage of the fact that the Saints weren't playing. Lopes called me at 5:45 (the shift started at 5) to tell me the night editor didn't know I was off until just then. I've worked so many Sundays over the years that he didn't he even think to check the schedule. 

All the people I wanted to win won their match, even if they weren't scheduled to be in the match in the first place. Plus, it was good to see Bert and Jacob. And Kelly, too.

For the tenth pay-per-view in a row, Mr. Carl refused to take money from Paul and me. We even tried to trick him this time by leaving the money on a table when he wasn't looking. He caught us just as we were about to leave. We shall bring a cake for the Royal Rumble. 

4) Back home

I arrived at my house to catch the end of the Sunday night game. Hell of a play call by the Colts on fourth-and-inches. Would you want to play the suddenly surging Colts in the playoffs?

The last part of the eventful day is watching 24: Redemption after I post this. It's the return of Jack Bauer. Welcome back, old friend. I've missed you. Oh, how I've missed you. Tick tock.  

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I'm looking through the Best Buy ad for this week. I jokingly tell mom that she should pick up Barry Manilow's greatest hits. "Probably not even his own fucking songs."

Mom looks at the ad. She sees Kanye West's photo next to his CD that drops Tuesday. "Look at dickhead. ... What a dickhead. ... I hate that dickhead. Dickhead."

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO? 

I bought my Jetta on July 7, 2007. Since then I've kept track of every time I buy gas. I put the date, how many days since the last time, mileage, cost per galloon, total cost and how many miles I've driven since the previous fill-up. I know. I'm sick. But I'm not seeking help.

Here's some highlights to show how the price of gas has fluctuated. I usually get Shell.

July 16, 2007: 2.89

October 11, 2007: 2.59

February 25, 2008: 3.05

April 21, 2008: 3.43

May 25, 2008: 3.79

June 15, 2008: 3.99

September 21, 2008: 3.79

October 13, 2008: 3.24

November 3, 2008: 2.34

November 21, 2008: 1.79

PARTING SHOTS

We're talking about strip clubs in Atlanta at Christina's engagement party.

Greg: So, we went to this other strip club. I don't remember the name. We didn't know it was going to be so bad when we went it because we didn't know anything about it. This old lady gets up there and starts stripping, and I swear you could see her pacemaker.

At Mr. Carl's house, they are playing the if-you-were-gay-who-would-you-do game. I didn't participate. 

Paul: I don't like the term who would you go gay for. I prefer to say, 'If I were gay, here's who I would go for.

Retro quotes: November 23, 2004

We're eating lunch in the cafeteria.

1) A hot girl walks by.

Me: Greg, would you hit that?

Greg: Probably.

2) Christina tries to convince Kevin to hang out with her by telling him they'll watch porn.

Kevin: What kind of porn?

Christina: Whatever kind will get you to come ... over to my house tonight.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five Ben Stiller movies.

5) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. 2004.

To me, the most overrated of the Frat Pack movies, but I still love it. It loses points for using a parody of "you had me at hello" and using "i just threw up in my mouth a little bit." Double Ugh.

4) Night at the Museum. 2006.

Fun for the whole family, and it has Dick Van Dyke.

3) Zoolander. 2001.

During the Katrina semester, we used to play trivia at the Mellow Mushroom on Wednesday nights. One Wednesday the trivia was all Zoolander. I spent the week watching the movie over and over and over again. The film really grew on me that week. And yup, LSU was tough.

2) Starsky and Hutch. 2004.

To me, the most underrated of all the Frat Pack movies. Do it. Watch it again and see for yourself. Do it. Do it.

1) Meet the Parents. 2000.

Remind me not to name any of my children Gaylord. Or Bronx, for that matter.