LSU plays its fourth big game of the season Saturday. Only the Auburn game has lived up to any sort of hype. The other two, well, let's just pretend they didn't happen. Remember, though, I'm giving the Tigers a free pass this year because of that whole national championship thing last season.
But free passes go out the window when Nicholas Satan comes a calling. Of all the sports villains I have, Benedict Saban is at the top of the list (as you will see in a future daily top list). First, he sells out and quits the Tigers on Dec. 25, 2004, to join the Dolphins. Merry freaking Christmas. Of course, I wasn't as upset as most people that day. I thought he was coming to save the Dolphins.
Instead, he then set the Fish even further back. That son of a bitch knew he couldn't coach in the pros but just had to take the money. So where does he go upon abandoning ship? Only to the worst possible institution a coach can go. Alabama. Where the only redeemable player in its history is Forrest Gump. What's worse, O' Saban Been Lying doesn't think it's that big a deal. Bullshit.
I understand he wanted to return to college coaching and that the LSU position was filled by that guy wearing the hat. But, hey Nick, there's more than one job out there in the land. Take one of them. Resurrect a program somwhere outside the SEC. Oh gee, you didn't think of that, did you? Is it because nobody else was offering a truck load of cash? Or did you really just want to piss off an entire fanbase?
This isn't the pros. You can't just go coach a team's rival when that team's fans at one point basically wanted to start praying to you. You just can't do that. Can you imagine a former UNC player taking over for Coach K when he retires or a former Dukie grabbing the reigns for the Heels when Roy hangs it up? I think not.
As if I didn't hate Alabama enough before, the turncoats of turncoats leads them into Tiger Stadium on Saturday. LSU could lose the rest of its games this season, but beat the Tide and I won't care. Not one bit. I want to knock those rat bastards off that No. 1 perch so bad I can't even begin to describe it. How great would it be to say we stopped Satan from reaching the title game? I think the LSU faithful should all bring pitchforks.
When I look at the matchup realistically, however, I don't feel so good. Alabama has a good running game and a solid enough passing game. This season, LSU's defense has been schooled more than that kid at your high school who repeated the 10th grade three times. That being said, I do believe LSU will play its best game of the year on defense Saturday. On offense, the Tigers will hopefully try to control the clock with short, quick passes and a power running game. I hear the Tide might not play so well from behind.
You know, if the Tigers win Saturday, they still have a shot at finishing ranked in the top 10. I also can see them finishing unranked with a loss. But all that doesn't really matter. We have to win this game. We can't let that piece of shit come into our house and leave victorious. We can't give him the satisfaction. He already stabbed me in the back. Twice. We can't let him stab us all in the heart as well. We can't. And we won't. Bring it on, bitches.
I can just feel the emotion from Death Valley already. It might cause an earthquake again. Hopefully, Nick Saban gets all shook up and goes and hides in the tunnel. I wouldn't show my face if I were him.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
I tell my mom that there is now an Apple store at the Lakeside mall. "Bout time we got one of them fucking stores."
I tell mom that I need to go to the Apple store because my cd burner is broken. "Fucking labor will be more than $100."
I tell mom that Lopes had to go to the hospital last week and didn't have insurance, which he lost upon graduating. "Fucking insurance will drop you like a hot potato when you graduate. Fucking aspirin. They'll charge you $30 if they give you one."
Mom went to the dentist today to work on her uppers. I was mentioned at the office. "I said 'His fucking crown will cost $800?' They said it will because it's permanent."
Mom sees me judging whether or not the spaghetti and meat sauce is hot enough using one finger. "Look at you with your fucking pinkie. That's like sticking your hand out the fucking door (to tell if it's cold.)" (Yes. I do that.)
PARTING SHOTS
I'm trying to spell Wade's first name.
Me: Lopes, where does the "Y" go?
Liam: Before the MCA.
Someone asks what Carmouche (that's Marcus' last name) means in French.
Lopes' answer: Hungry.
The next one took place Monday. Marcus is going through some Halloween candy. He picks up a piece.
Marcus (looking at Shams): "Hey, Shams. You want a Sugar Daddy?"
Retro quote: November 6, 2004.
Christina is trying to apologize to Greg.
Greg: Are we going to have sex tonight?
THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five womanizing characters on a TV show.
5) Vinny Barbarino. Welcome Back Kotter!
Don't worry. He's not the only Italian on the list.
4) Charlie Harper. Two and a Half Men.
My mom doesn't bother to call the show Two and a Half Men. She just calls it Charlie.
3) Barney Stinson. How I Met Your Mother.
Taught me that being attracted to shiny objects is one of 24 things fish and women have in common. Plus, he's the first TV character I know that has a blog.
2) Joey Tribbiani. Friends.
After Chandler married Monica, he became my favortie character on the show.
1) Sam Malone. Cheers.
Cared about three things: His hair, his car and his bar. Because women like good hair and cars, and they go into bars.
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