GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT

That line is one of my mottos. I've had multiple requests (most recently from Kelli) to post a picture of my high school girlfriend. Mainly because peeps want to know if she's hot. I don't blame you. So, in keeping with that motto, here is a picture of the infamous Regina. Who is that handsome devil she's with?

This is from Rummel's winter formal in 2001. During the good days. Like before I broke up with her during a football game, and she went to a mental hospital for 17 days. And of course, the exciting conclusion to High School Girlfriend hits newsstands Friday. Get excited. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER, ER, BLOCK

My mom is upset that Brooke Burke didn't give her best performance in the Final Four of Dancing With the Stars. "Not a good time to fuck up, especially with four fucking people. Not only did she fuck it up, but she did an illegal move."

I warm up my lunch with the intention to watch Two and 3/4 Men with mom. Instead, she's watching a soap opera. I make a face. "I'm not going to stop it. You're starting to fucking irritate me."

Mom returns from Best Buy with the David Cook album and two seasons of Two and 1/2 Men. She flips through the album book. "Whose fucking handwriting is that? Then, you have to wait 11 fucking minutes to get to the fucking song that made him famous (Cuz it's a bonus track). Why didn't they put the fucking words in the book? What the fuck does Bar-ba-sol mean?" (It's a brand of shaving cream.)

Mom opens up Season 2 of Two and 1/2 Men. There are no discs in it. "What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? ... Got to be fucking kidding me. Un-fucking-believable. ... Just my fucking luck. Un-fucking-believable."

Mom decides to go back to Best Buy to get a DVD with discs in it. "If I got to go into another fucking line to return this, I'm going to be really pissed." We get in the car. "I hate this fucking Best Buy." (The second one they gave her also was empty. Third time was, in fact, the charm.)

Mom shakes her wrist. "I did something to my fucking left wrist."

On the drive to Best Buy, mom expresses some displeasure with Cox. "This fucking OnDemand shit. I finished the first season of Six Feet Under. Then, they just put on the first six episodes of Season 2. But now, I got to wait until fucking December to see the rest of the season."

I tell mom that Holly was in charge of picking the 55th anniversary playmate for Playboy. "Fifty-five fucking years. ... I think Holly was the only one he was fucking."

We are leaving the Best Buy. I bought the new Nickelback CD. Sorry, Chuck. "Next week, the prices go up five fucking dollars. That's a lot."

We're in the car on the way back home.

Mom: You print out that coupon?

Me (not really paying attention): Yeah.

Mom: You use it?

Me (realizing what she's asking): No, wait. I didn't print it out. 

Mom: Then why did you say yes. Just for the fuck of it?

Mom tells me Two and 3/4 Men isn't the same as it used to be. (No, really?) "I just watched the first season again, and it's fucking hilarious."

I'm getting sick again. Damn temperature drop. I finish blowing my nose. "Jesus Christ. You have fucking Kleenex in your ear." (I didn't.)

Mom is watching Oprah. She had medical mysteries, one of which was a 7-foot-3 12-year-old. "Fuck, man. Shaq's giving him his tailor for the day."

Mom is mad that I'm about to watch Heroes on the dining room TV because she's blaring the David Cook CD for the third time Tuesday. (That TV is my only option to watch the show.) "I put these headphones on all day to watch TV so that you can sleep in quiet. But you come in here in the fucking middle of the night and blare shit like I'm not even here." (Pretty much.)

FANTASY FEVER

The Gene Poolers (6-5) are now alone in third place after a victory. I still have the most points in the league. I got a little lucky last week, though. Bert blew it by benching Brandon Jacobs in favor of Willis McGahee. Granted, Baltimore hadn't been run on like that in 11 years, but I'm pretty sure you always start BJ. 

I'm playing the 8-2 team this week. He's 15 total points behind me, but the matchups definitely favor him. So it looks like I will be back into a tie for third after this week. 

I don't even want to talk about my other team. Who would have thunk benching Matt Cassel would be a bad move? 

PARTING SHOT

Paul comes over late Monday night to watch Monday Night Raw. Once again, he shows his cluelessness. Keep in mind, he's a big fan of the National Football League.

Me: Can you believe Donovan McNabb didn't know there could be a tie until the final play was called yesterday?

Paul: Wait. What?

Me: You didn't hear about his cluelessness?

Paul: No. 

(In his defense, he did know about the blown touchdown call at the end of the Pittsburgh game.)

THE DAILY TOP LIST

We had our 26th Yat-Together on Tuesday. More on that tomorrow. Here's the top five Yat-Togethers through the first 25. Yes, I've kept track of them all. Note: I haven't had a bad time at one of these. 

5) May 2008.

Where: Superior Grill.

Attendance: Kelli, Stephen, Kevin, Christina, Amy, Amanda, Greg

What I ate: Cheeseburger (I don't like Mexican food.)

Signature moment: When Amy thought the waiter had left and bitched about him. Unfortunately, he was still standing there. Awkward. 

4) January 2008.

Where: Mandina's.

Attendance: Kelli, Stephen, Kevin, Christina, Amy, Amanda, Greg, Bode 

What I ate: Catfish/shrimp platter

Signature moments: Tasting the awesome onion rings and telling everyone the story of Megan.

3) August 2007.

Where: Fresco's.

Attendance: Kelli, Stephen, Kevin, Christina, Amy, Amanda, Greg

What I ate: Chicken pesto pizza

Signature moment: Celebrating the one-year anniversary of Yat-Togethers. 

2) February 2008.

Where: Cheesecake Bistro on St. Charles

Attendance: Kelli, Stephen, Kevin, Christina, Amy, Greg

What I ate: Filet

Signature moments: 1) The bill coming to $220. 2) Collecting money from winning a bet. 3) Greg playing the accidental voicemail he got from a co-worker having sex.

1) June 2008.

Where: Ignatius

Attendance: Kelli, Stephen, Christina, Amy, Amanda, Greg

What I ate: Caesar salad with boiled shrimp

Signature moment: I tried to take pictures of everyone, but they refused and hid their faces from the camera. They did it again Tuesday.