SURVEY SAYS

When I arrived at work Thursday, there was a pretty, yellow piece of paper on my desk. It was a survey for T-P employees who work at night. Here's the intro: We are exploring a possibility of food service offerings later each evening to accommodate you and potentially increase overall sales. Your answers will help us determine the viability of keeping the cafe open evenings, yada yada yada.

Basically, they want to eliminate the cafeteria at some point but are pretending like they want to keep it open for us poor night folk. So, since it probably didn't matter, I gave these answers to the more important questions:

4. Q: Would you most likely eat in the cafeteria or buy food to take out?
Me: Buy takeout food elsewhere and eat it in the cafeteria.

7. Q: What other items would interest you or what additional comments do you have about night services in the cafeteria?
Me: Oh, a two-part question, eh? This couldn't be two separate questions? Others items include steak, boiled crawfish and veal parmesan.

As for additional comments, I know what you are trying to do with this survey. Please don't get rid of hot meals and make everything a sandwich or something from the microwave.

8. Does vending satisfy you preferences now? What else might you like to see added?
Me: Not since they took away five-cent Skittles. That was a sweet deal. And by the way, you should be your in the first part of this question.

Might? No. This is something I demand be added, ain't no might about it: More candy options, i.e. M&Ms. Plus, I want drink prices to return to their previous price. The current figure is highway robbery.

I hope they enjoy my answers. That's what they get for making it anonymous.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I tell my mom that Christina is no longer going to Mexico for her wedding in the first week of May. Mom: Why?
Me: Swine flu.
Mom: Oh. Fucking swine flu. That's fucked.

Mom wonders what will replace The Guiding Light on the CBS lineup. "Probably a fucking talk show."

I sense a cleaning coming on. "This house is fucking filthy."

Mom alters a well-known phrase. "One man's shit is another's treasure."

Mom sees a big tree in someone's front yard on David Drive. "First thing I'd do if I lived there is cut down that son of a bitch."

BUZZ-KILL
Some thoughts on the end of the Hornets season.

1) I was proud that they gave a crap in Game 5, even though they had no chance.

2) The 08-09 Hornets remind me of the 07 Saints.
-- Both teams were coming off the most successful seasons in New Orleans franchise history.
-- Both teams were predicted by several outlets to reach the championship.
-- Both teams fell horribly short of expectations.

3) I want the Wasps to trade for Shaq. It's Tyson, Butler and Daniels for Shaq and Alando Tucker. Every game will be sold out, and merchandise sales will go up near the roof. Then, the next year, $20 million is cleared off the books.

That makes the starting lineup CP3, MoPete, Peja, West, Shaq with Posey, JuJu and a scoring rookie (Jodie Meeks or Wayne Ellington) off the bench.

PARTING SHOT
We're running a story on a legend at Tulane dying. The story, however, disappears randomly from JRap's basket.

Liam: Up. You lost the dead guy.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five moments of April.

5) Two crawfish boils. 10th and 18th.
There should be one of these every day. Well, I mean one that I'm invited to.

4) Kelly's comment to me in the Bud's parking lot. 24th.
"Uh, that's not how I like to be choked."

3) Nuggets 121, Hornets 63. 27th.
My dad and I were among the 1,000 who stayed.

2) HBK vs. Undertaker. 5th.
Greatest match I've ever seen live.

1) UNC wins national title. 6th.
Queen never sounded so good.