PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW.

About an hour into work Thursday, my first shift back from vacation, Liam turned to Jelly and said: "Oh. Did you tell him the bad news?" Just like when a mother senses that her child is in danger, I immediately knew what Liam meant.

Me: The Skittles are a $1 now, aren't they?
Liam (somberly): Yeah.

You know, you leave for a week, and everything goes straight to shit. Mother trucker. Life is so unfair. Why me? These were my thoughts. My world was shattered. I was in such a good mood, though, from the awesome week I just had that I didn't really let this news get to me. Otherwise, I might have caused a scene.

Long story short, a new company took over the vending machine and made some price fixes. Although the candy prices remained the same, a rat-bastard worker apparently checked all the prices and found that the Skittles were five cents. I wonder what he thought when he saw that.

The funny part of the situation is that all of the chips changed from $.75 to $1.00, but on Friday, the prices were again changed. This time to $.85. I made a joke that chip prices were like the stock market.

And as I mentioned in parting shots the other day, a granola bar now runs you $8.55. Seems that our genius that fixed the Skittles price typed in an extra 5 when programming granola prices. You need to bring a lot of change for that purchase.

Whenever I reflect on my time with five-cent Skittles, the memories will always be good. My co-workers and I mocking the vendor, consistently cleaning out the F4 rack, sweating out the many close calls of the cheapness being discovered. Good times, man. Good times. Excuse me. I promised myself I wouldn't cry while writing this.

The awesomeness of cheap candy first entered our lives in August and brought us so much joy over the next seven-plus months. In the end, I guess we had a pretty good run. I mean the damn thing was five cents. FIVE CENTS.

You could pass the time by snacking and not lose any money. Say you work five shifts a week and get a pack of Skittles four of those five days. Now, every five weeks, you would spend $1 on snacking. Do that with another piece of candy, and you're out $20. Big difference.

You just don't see prices like that anymore. You know, the price of Skittles in April increased 1,900 percent, which has to be one of the largest spikes in pricing history.

As you the reader as my witness, I swear on the grave of my unborn children that I will never buy anything ever again out of that vending machine (barring Skittles miraculously show back up at five cents - or even 10 cents). Did I mention they upped the prices of drinks, too?

Most of all, I'll miss using the five-cent Skittles as a running theme in my blog. So, far all these things and any others I forgot to mention, R.I.P. Skittles. You will be missed. By all of us.

Oh. I'll also never eat Skittles again. It's just too hard.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

The mail comes, and my mom isn't too happy about it. "I can't even sit down and watch a fucking show." She flips through the mail. "It's the same ol' fucking bullshit."

Mom is mad that it was hot Monday. "It feels like fucking August. I'm miserable."

Mom is watching a soap opera. "No. You idiot. He's not going to fucking do that."

PARTING SHOTS
We're discussing the death of Harry Kalas and his work with NFL Films.

Lopes (to Jelly): Don't you wish you had a guy narrating your life?
Jelly: Sometimes, I feel like I do. And his name is Gene.

So, Jelly finishes eating her dinner while sitting at her desk as the night editor on our last shift together before she leaves for vacation in Hawaii.

Jelly: I didn't budget my tuna properly. I have an extra cracker.
Lopes: Too many extra crackers in this world.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
At long last, my top five movies of all-time. Drum roll, please.

5) Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. 1999.
I need an old priest and a young priest.

4) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. 2006.
I like it. Simple. Easy to remember.

3) Raiders of the Lost Ark. 1981.
I've never had bad dates. It's just getting them that's the problem.

2) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. 1984.
Willie: Oh, what big birds!
Indiana: Those aren't big birds, sweetheart. They're giant, vampire bats.

1) My Cousin Vinny. 1992.
All this over a can of tuna.