Our magnolia tree came tumbling down Wednesday. I sat there and watched almost the whole thing. It was sad to see life coming to an end. I felt helpless. Tina was elated.
For more than 20 years, this tree was a staple of our backyard, providing shade and plenty of cones and leaves on the ground. This is the last documentation of its existence.
At first, these six members of the crew seemed as if they were just there to look pretty. They didn't move for the first twenty minutes.
Hey, JRap! It's our very own tree guy!!!
Oh, so that's what the crew is for. They pick up the fallen branches one at a time and bring them to the front yard. Is it really necessary for six people to do this? Is that guy staring at me?
The branches go in the chipper ...
And then the chipper spews out its remains. The whole thing was pretty depressing to watch.
It's still hanging on, but tree guy has other ideas.
Pretty soon, our backyard was nothing but day laborers and branches. Reminds me of that joke I once told Brick, who called it the funniest thing I've ever said. I can't repeat it here because it's too offensive.
TIMMMM-BBEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Yes. I yelled that as this branch came down. Tina laughed. Tina also pointed out that I was shooting some of the pictures with the screen in front of me. Good point. Some of these pictures are hazy. At least with the tree and all its leaves out of the way, I can see a murder at the Sac-O-Suds. And there's only one bush in the yard.
After tree guy cut the trunk in half, I went inside to watch Season 3 of Lost. I had had enough. This guy here was sawing the pieces of the trunk into even more pieces to be carried to the front.
When tree guy cut the remainder of the trunk down to this size, I was sitting in my room watching TV. I shook in my seat from the enormous thud of tree meeting ground. Our neighbor told us later in the day that she had felt her house shake as well. Damn.
After hearing the noise, I came back outside with my camera to take a picture of what caused all that noise (left corner). What I first noticed instead was that a board was missing in our fence. When the hell did that happen?
They put it back and apologized. Tina didn't even get pissed. Actually, if you look at the picture before, the board was already missing. So, it got knocked off while we were watching, but we didn't notice. Hmm.
One of the workers in a No. 2 position amid the debris.
After they carried out all the pieces of wood and branches, they then brought in some heavy machinery to grind up the stub of the trunk. This took more than an hour. The rest of the workers sat in the front yard and ate lunch. This dude rocked out on his iPod.
And that's what's left of our once proud magnolia tree. I have a feeling we'll be trying to get rid of this shit for a long time. It's real heavy. Plus, there are little pieces of it in like every room of the house.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
We cleaned up in the backyard today after our Earth Day destruction. My mom got pissy during the process. "I should take out all my money and just go. Then, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this fucking crap. ... I should live in fucking Panama." (I asked if she meant the country or the city, but she didn't answer.)
We watched the second disc of Season 3 of Lost.
-- I tell mom that Echo's brother isn't real. "He set the fucking tent on fire."
-- On a new character introduced among the castaways. "Who the fuck is that?"
-- On a guy in another hatch wearing an eye patch. "Who the fuck is that?"
-- On me writing down the previous three curses. "Fucking pen and paper you take with you every week."
-- On Jack "escaping" his prison. "Look at this. Fucking guns."
-- On Jack's scheme to escape. "He wants off the fucking island."
-- On Juliette's hesitation during Ben's operation. "What she fucking waiting on? For Jack to fuck up?"
-- On the person (sister) in Juliette's bed. "Who the fuck is in the bed?"
Mom mumbled another one. Here's what I understood. "Early in the morning. Fucking afternoon."
PARTING SHOT
Derry tells Brick he made a mistake on the prep sports page.
Me: You know, Derry. In other countries, they'd cut your hand off for that.
D: Gene, in other countries, they'd have cut out your mouth.
THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five vegetables.
5) Artichoke.
Knock knock.
4) Cucumber.
With some Italian dressing.
3) Potato.
Baked or fried.
2) Broccoli.
Has to be eaten with ketchup.
1) Corn.
I had a teacher named that in eighth grade. Good guy. Funny, too. One time a kid in the opposite corner of class from him was pissing him off.
Coach Corn: If you act up one more time, Heath. I'm going to throw this stool at you.
Sure enough, five minutes later, Heath acted up. There went the stool flying through the air and landing (and breaking) a mere one foot behind Heath's desk. Heath didn't say another word out of turn for the rest of the year.
And that's why we called Coach Corn the Grand Pumba.
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