HOPEFULLY, PAUL DOESN'T CHOKE THE BUNNY.

After work Friday night, I met gal pals Paul and Kelly at Bud's Broiler. They had come from some sort of fair where Paul, while slightly drunk, accidentally won a bunny. Which explained the weird picture text I received while at work of Paul holding a bunny.

Anyway, that's not the point of this post. An older gentleman working behind the register takes a smoke break and stands by the window outside. Paul notices him making strange eye contact with a couple of cute 18-year-olds in the corner of the joint.

Paul, never one to pass up a chance to hit on some younger chicks, sees that as his opportunity. He leans over when the worker returns to his post. Paul (to the girls): "So, that was kind of creepy, huh?"

Hotter girl: What was?
Paul: That guy standing by the window looking at you strangely.
HG: Oh. That's just my uncle.
(That's a conversation ender.)

After Paul showed me the bunny (he named it Sloppy) in the parking lot, I started messing with Kelly. Playfully, of course. I grabbed her by the throat and acted as if I was choking her harder than I was. All in good fun.

When I let go, Kelly said this little number that I'm making her new catchphrase: "Uh, that's not how I like to be choked."

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My parents planted some grass in the backyard where the tree used to be. Two days later, I hadn't ventured outside to check it out. This made my mom angry. "You just don't care. No, nice job. It looks good. Fuck you. Nothing."

Mom had quite the week. "I'm fucking tired."

Mom had some problems Sunday. From the mirror: "Fucking white head on my lip. Squeezed it three times, and shit kept coming out. Fucking three times." And then from the kitchen: "Ow. Ow. Motherfuck. Damn it, Tina. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. You ain't got enough problems, you got to fucking burn yourself. And you did. Two fingers. Motherfuck."

Mom leaves for a nail appointment as I'm watching the double overtime game between the Bulls and Celtics Sunday. She returns some time later. "This game was in the fourth quarter when I fucking left, and it's still on?"

In a moment of frustration with me, mom yelled: "I've never seen someone waste so much fucking time."

TV WEEK IN REVIEW

1) It's time for some finales. Chuck and Heroes on Monday night. Both should be spectacular. And Scrubs has its series finale (appropriately entitled My Finale) next week. Tears will be shed.

2) On the first day of March, I mentioned several things I was excited about in relation to TV sweeps time. One was Selma Hayek being naked on an episode of 30 Rock. Well, this week she asked Liz if Liz would like her to take off her clothes to prove she was a woman. Damn you, Liz Lemon for not screaming yes.

3) I've never seen Jack look so weak as he did on 24 this week. Tony's asking for it now, though. Jack gonna whip that ass.

4) I watched this week's Office like I watch a nip-and-tuck sporting game involving one of my teams. I was nervous, and my heart was racing. I didn't know how it was going to end. So, when Michael and Co. won, I felt sort of like I did at the Hornets game Saturday.

I loved the two phrases Michael messed up this week:
a) He meant to say: My, how the tables have turned.
He said: My, how the turn tables have ... uh

b) He meant to say: The ball is in your court.
He said: Our balls are in your court.

PARTING SHOT
We found out 10 minutes before deadline Sunday night that we only had 10 pages instead of 12. So, two pages we made didn't get printed, like they never existed. They happened to be the baseball and scoreboard page, both of which Liam, who brought in crawfish for everyone, spent all of his five hours working on.

Marcus (to Liam): So, the crawfish was your only contribution. (And then as Liam was leaving.) Excellent job ... on the crawfish.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My favorite five movie quotes from the Top 100 list AFI did in 2005.

5) If you build it, he will come. Field of Dreams. No. 39.
He built it. And he did come.

4) Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the word, she walks into mine. Casablanca. No. 67.
There's a Fall Out Boy song with that title.

3) Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you? The Graduate. No. 63.
Yes, Benjamin. That is correct.

2) You're gonna need a bigger boat. Jaws. No. 35.
Ya think.

1) Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack: I am serious. ... and don't call me Shirley. Airplane. No. 79.

Classic.