GENEPOOL GIVES HOUSTON A PROBLEM. DAY TWO. 

On the way from Matt's apartment to our hotel downtown on Louisiana St. (of all names), I came to a realization. I could never live in Houston or any such big city. It's just too much. It really hit me when I got a look at like seven layers of Interstate stacked on top of each other. 

Betsy tried to get us arrested with her directions to the hotel. She kept trying to make us go on a road that was for cars with EZ toll tags only. There was a sign that said: Violators will be prosecuted. Thanks a lot, Betsy. See if I ever take you out for a fancy dinner again. 

The view from my hotel window. 

I have two complaints about the way this hotel - and I'm sure a good number of others - conduct their business. It makes me feel like soon they'll be charging to flush the toilet. 

1) The Internet costs $9.99 for a 24-hour period. 

A couple weeks ago, I went to the hotel's Web site to see if it had wireless. You know, for the sake of the blog. It did. However, the site didn't mention anything about $10 a day. Jeez. 

I asked the lady at guest services how the Internet works. I was expecting her to just give me a password. I still thought it was free. 

Lady: Yes, it's through T-Mobile. It only costs $9.99, and you get unlimited access for a full 24-hour span. 

Well, gee. I didn't know it was such an honor to have access to the Internet. Thank you. Unfortunately, I ordered one day of this bullshit. I couldn't very well fall behind. 

2) It's costing us $75 to park in the hotel's parking lot. 

For all the money I paid for this travel package, I think parking expenses should be included. It's not. You get here, and it's like Boom! here's a huge fee you get to pay. It alarms me that these mofos can get away with the robbery of charging $25 a day to park so easily. 

What's worse, it's mandatory valet. So, every time we leave the hotel to go somewhere, there goes two more bucks down the drain. 

On a positive note, we went to Dave & Buster's early Friday night and had a blast. It's basically a grown-up Chuck E. Cheese. A lot of the same games, but you can get plastered while doing it. 

Among the highlights:

-- I defeated Paul twice in air hockey. 

-- I spent most of my chips (grown-up word for tokens) on basketball games. 

-- I won a racing game. I zoomed into the lead at the last possible second. Exhilarating. 

-- I had enough tickets to get a parting gift I believe Chuck will appreciate.  

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I brought my mom's VCR to Houston to tape the UNC-Villanova game while I'm at the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony Saturday night. (Don't attempt to ruin it for me. My phone will be off.)

Mom explained to me how to setup the VCR on Tuesday. On Wednesday, she wanted to know if I remembered. "The fucking thing. Do you know how to plug it in?"

Me: You take the cable from the wall. ...

Mom: That's incorrect.

Me: That's what you said yesterday. 

Mom: Not out of the fucking wall!

Mom then tells me that she's keeping the back of the remote at home because I'll leave it in Houston. The batteries don't work right, and you have to finagle them every so often, rendering the back of the remote useless. I give mom a blank stare. "Do you know what the fuck I'm talking about?" 

The first thing I did when I got to my hotel room was hook up the VCR. Those bastards have all the wires tied together, so even though I took the cable wire out of the TV, I couldn't extend it to the slot in the VCR. Undeterred, I eventually figured out a solution. 

Please don't tell mom I have her VCR turned sideways behind the TV.

PARTING SHOT

On Friday morning, Matt and his roommate left for work at 6:30 a.m. Paul and I stirred but then went back to sleep. As Matt and the roommate headed for the door ...

Roommate: Where was it?

Matt: It was in my pants.

Roommate: I thought it was in my pants. 

Paul: Now, it's in my pants. 

Matt (as if Paul wasn't there): No. I put it in my pants. 

Roommate: I knew it was in one of our pants. 

(I don't know how I kept from laughing out loud. They were actually talking about a key that Matt gave us to his apartment.) 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top 10 WrestleMania matches, with an attempt at non-wrestling related comments. (Winners listed second.) 

10) Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels. WM 19. 

Did you know that Sean Michaels is a porn star?

9) Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat. WM 3. 

I've never snapped into a Slim Jim. 

8) Ric Flair vs. The Undertaker. WM 18. 

Wooooooooo!

7) The Rock vs. Steve Austin. WM 17.

I predicted the outcome to this match almost a year in advance while doing a computer programming project in the 10th grade.

6) Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero. WM 20. 

The first of two tragically dead winners on this list. 

5) Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena. WM 23. 

Little known fact: Sean Michaels is one of the few African-American porn stars who is uncircumcised. 

4) The Hardy Boyz vs. The Dudley Boyz vs. Edge/Christian. Tables, Ladders, Chairs. WM 17. 

Tables and ladders and chairs. Oh my. Tables and ladders and chairs. Oh my. 

3) Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels. WM 12. 

In 2003, WWE issued a cease and desist order to Sean Michaels due to the similarity in names. The porn star didn't comply, saying he already had the name trademarked. 

2) Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart. WM 10. 

And the second of the tragically dead winners. 

1) Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle. WM 21. 

Sean Michaels is trying to start Sean Michaels University, where his intention will be to train the porn stars of the future. I don't think Southern Methodist University is too happy about that.