WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN?

As I was leaving Church today, I was approached by an aging woman and engaged in conversation. I have no idea who this woman is, but she thinks she knows my family. This wasn't the first time this has happened with this woman. I just pretend like I know her as well and politely answer her questions.

Sunday's conversation, however, startled me a little. Here's some background before I give you the dialogue. At the end of Mass, a parish worker made an announcement about this summer's Steubenville Retreat, which is the biggest Catholic conference for teens in the country. It's high-school students only.

Old lady: How are you?
Me: Fine.
Old lady: What about your mom. How is she?
Me: Good.
Old lady: Have you signed up for the Steubenville Retreat yet?
Me: I'm too old.
Old lady: Oh. I'm sorry. You're in college now, aren't you?
Me: Yes.
Old lady: That really is a good retreat.

(That conversation reminded me of two stories I recently heard. Same sort of thing happened to Brian and Kathleen. On his wedding night, Brian was asked if he had just gone to the Prom, and an airport worker thought Kathleen was younger than 16. I guess these things do happen in threes. That is if you don't count Lisa's every day life for the past seven or so years.)

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom was anticipating the Grammys. "Fucking Lil' Wayne. Has eight fucking nominations tonight. Then he was on SportsCenter. Give me a fucking break. He has words written on his eyelids. That must have fucking hurt."

Mom watched four more episodes of Lost. She thinks the show is unusually short. "Must have 20 fucking minutes of commercials."

Mom is looking through the OnDemand options when she comes across something she didn't know was available. "Look at this shit. Fucking FX. (Something goes wrong.) What the fuck is going on?"

Mom and I are watching SNL Weekend Update. Seth talks about Michael Phelps.
Mom: They really suspended him three months?
Me: Yup.
Mom: Bullshit!
(Pause.)
Mom: That was recently?
Me: Yeah. At a college party. He was there to nail a chick.
Mom: How do you know?
Me: Why else would he go to a party in another state?
Mom: Fuck if I know.

The subject turns to the digital transition. "Some stations are moving the date back to fucking June. That's bullshit." Mom thinks our setup in the living room isn't conducive to an HDTV. "If I ever get my HDTV, we are so fucked in this house."

TV WEEK IN REVIEW

I watched 17 shows this past week. That's all I have to say about that.

PARTING SHOT
Phil is writing a cutline for a photo of a Tulane women's player. The team wore pink jerseys Sunday.

Phil: Gene, is that page in color?
Me: No. You will not see the pink.
Liam: Not touching that one.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five Owen Wilson movies.

5) Night at the Museum. 2006.
He's uncredited. Weird.

4) Starsky & Hutch. 2004.
I like the scene when the girls come over to the house.

3) You, Me and Dupree. 2006.
He used his seven different kinds of smoke effectively.

2) Zoolander. 2001.
Dere-lick. That's funny.

1) Wedding Crashers. 2005.
No. You lock it up.