AND CP3 ISN'T THE MVP? 

I got a text message from Brian while at lunch Wednesday saying that he had extra Hornets tickets. Since I'm not allowed to turn down Hornets tickets, I agreed to go. OK, there's no law that says I can't reject tickets, but my inner being won't allow me to not go if I can. 

Bob, Brian, Paul and I met at Chuck's house and parked for free, courtesy of a Bob connection. There was a walk involved to the Arena, which was fine. Except that it was freezing, and I left my coat on Chuck's couch. What an idiot. 

I'm just going to pretend like Wednesday's game didn't happen. Here are some random notes:

1) I offered Lopes an extra ticket, but he told me he was already going to the game. I told him on the phone that maybe I'd see him there. We're standing outside the Arena at 6:50 waiting for Danny to meet us when I see Lopes approach the building. That was semi-exciting. 

Bob: Who was that? 

Me: Lopes. 

Bob: Oh. He looks like he's loping around. 

2) We sat in Section 320. And guess who our usher was? Yup. Lady Usher. I'm pretty sure she gave me a glare when I walked past her. Luckily, I didn't have any fun at the game, so I didn't get in any trouble with her. 

3) To make the game more interesting (I mean interesting) in the second half, Bob and I invented a game called pick-your-quarter night. In this game, the home team picks a quarter, and that period counts for the whole game. Lo and behold, the Hornets won the fourth quarter, thanks to the hustle of Ryan Bowen. Victory is ours! (Well, if Byron Scott was smart enough to pick the fourth quarter as the one that counts.) 

4) My dad is most happy that I'm now on the fire-Byron-Scott bandwagon. Dad: "Good. Let's get rid of that damn Laker." 

5) On the walk to the Arena, we saw a helicopter fly overhead really low. That was strange. Brian estimated that it was at the level of the fifth floor of the building we were near. Bob says this has been happening often at night. Hmm. 

6) Brian had five tickets leftover. While we were waiting for Danny, a would-be buyer approaches Brian (who had the envelope with the tickets in his hand). 

Would-be: You selling tickets, man? 

Brian: Yes.

Would-be: How many you got? 

Brian: Four together. 

(Would-be seems interested, but for some reason he begins running away.)

Would-be: You take $10? (He yelled this as he ran away.)

Brian (yelling): I'll do $10 a piece. 

We thought maybe he was going to get the money, but he never came back. 

7) The only excitement in the Arena was the halftime show. We were all impressed. Bunch of dudes doing flips and stuff off a trampoline. Here's one of them in motion: 

The finish of the show was a jumping-people routine. The first acrobat jumped over a row of Whorenets (bottom right). Then that dude stood next to the Whorenets for the next dude to jump. And so on and so forth. The final acrobat jumped off that trampoline and over 16 people before landing near the edge of the mat. AMAZING. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom was excited about last night's American Idol cuts. "Down from 147 to 104. Can you imagine going all the way out to Hollywood and then picking the wrong fucking song? That's got to suck."

Mom had never heard of the Lincoln-Kennedy correlation. I tell it to her. "Ain't that some shit."

Mom and I have both watched the first half of Season 1 of Lost.

1) About Ethan of the others: "He beat the fuck out of Jack."

2) On Kate's bank robbery: "She broke into a fucking bank to get to a safety deposit box for a fucking plane. Come on."

Mom is upset at her treadmill situation. "What the fuck am I going to do about my treadmill?"

Then, thirty minutes later. Mom: I'm fucking tired and depressed.

Me: What's wrong?

Mom: My fucking thing won't work, and I don't know what I'm going to fucking do about it.

We're watching House, and mom has no sympathy for Wilson (who is trying to cope with his girlfriend's death) at episode's end. "Oh, wash the fucking cup. Probably has ants all in there and shit."

PARTING SHOTS

I'm telling Brick that first-round soccer playoff games are blowouts.

Me: In my senior year, our first-round game was so bad, I was in the stands in the second half with my uniform off.

JRap: My god, he was naked in the stands.

Brick: Did Tina ever get a yellow card from the stands?

Me: No. But my dad was really bad.

Marcus: What about Regina? Did she cry when you ... uh ... uh ... made a goal?

Liam: You really stumbled through that one.

Marcus: Well, I was trying to be PC. I didn't want to say, 'Did she cry whenever you scored?' "

(Much laughter. Pause.)

Shams: And she's still waiting to cry.

I tell Marcus I was once chief copy editor.

Marcus: But you never won an award.

Me: I was a finalist for a national award.

Marcus: So was Barbaro. Now, he's racing for Jesus.

Jelly confides in me about her cursing situation.

Jelly: I'm editing my curses in my head. And I feel bad when I curse in my head.

Liam: That's fucked up.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five fruits (Ha. Ha. TBS.) 

5) Banana. 

I'm dreaming of banana pancakes.

4) Strawberry. 

Especially in a smoothie. 

3) Orange.

Not a fan of peeling it. 

2) Pineapple. 

One shown in every Psych episode. 

1) Nectarine. 

I like to throw the pit at people.