THE BEASTIE BOYS WOULD BE PROUD

On Friday night after work, I went over to the BADASS house to hang out. I knew there was a party there Saturday. I didn't realize there was one there on Friday as well. Heck, they pretty much were carousing all Mardi Gras long. 

Brian is making a boat here for a Pirates party on Sunday. He's making a boat. I can't even draw a boat. Traditionally, there's a BADASS Pirates party every January. But this year there was something else going on that weekend. Like a wedding or something. 

Uh, Bob. That's not helping your campaign. 

You happy, Laura? That's two pictures in a row. I hope I'm not dead to you anymore. 

Don't they look cute together? Laura says they are BFF. Well, first Bob has to make her brother have premarital sex with Alexis. Laura's words. Not mine. 

At some ungodly hour at Friday night's party when it seemed like it was dying, Brian decided that it wasn't. He poured glasses of whiskey for anyone who wanted one (I partook) and gave a detailed story about the brand of whiskey. (I forgot what it was. Gold something. It was strong.) 

Brian contemplates the moment of drinking the whiskey. Darren seems to be deciding whether he should take Brian's glass. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is all about the Oscars. "Those two fucking Indian kids. They the talk of the town." Later in the day, mom has her purse on the counter. 

Me: Where you going?

Mom: To see Slumdog Millionaire. It fucking won everything. 

I was in my room, and mom was in the living room. I don't know the context. "I've been fucking cut off. Son of a bitch. ... Son of a bitch. ... Son of a bitch. ... Son of a bitch." 

Mom is in the market for a new treadmill. "I went to Sports Authority. No one waited on me. (Puts up her middle finger.) They just lost a sale. That's bullshit." 

In two weeks, mom and I will be watching five shows combined at 8 p.m. I tell her that she might have to watch Dancing with the Stars live. "I can't watch that live. With all those fucking commercials."

(Here's the plan: one show on my VCR, two on the DVR  and two on mom's TV because she has two VCRs hooked up to that one.) 

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that Mardi Gras is tomorrow? Did you know that the Tyson Chandler trade to OKC was rescinded? (I don't think I had heard that word five times in my life. Last week, I heard or read it about 100.) Did you know that the economy is in the tank? 

PARTING SHOT

I tell JRap he should have been King. 

Me: I'm going to the parade with a sign that says: JRap for King of Rex. 

JRap: I don't think my cousin will get a kick out of that.

Me: Well, I don't want to stomp on his (pause for dramatics) parade. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

Let's go to the movies. 

85) Mrs. Doubtfire. 1993.

We're his goddamn kids, too. 

84) Not Another Teen Movie. 2001.

According to wikipedia, 29 teen movies are parodied. 

83) Saw. 2004.

Tina and I used to do jigsaw puzzles. 

82) Jerry Maguire. 1996.

Greatest receiver in Arizona history: Tidwell or Fitzgerald? 

81) Little Miss Sunshine. 2004.

Fuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk!