IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. ME. ME.

Every one and their great grandmother seems to be writing these 25 things about me nonsense. Though I haven't read too many written by my yat friends. Interesting. Anyway, I decided not to do one of these things. I figure I'd just be repeating a bunch of old blog entries. But after reading so many lists, I can't be left out.

I will not, however, be posting my 25 things about me nonsense on facebook. Because that's how I roll. As the PA announcer at Hornets games says after the opening tip is won, "And here we go!"

1) I don't play by the same rules as everyone else. You make 'em, I'll break 'em. For instance, most people write this list on facebook. I'm doing it on The Gene Pool. Everyone is putting periods after the numbers on the list; I'm using a parenthesis. That's right. I'm a total badass. Plus, some of my list items aren't even random.

2) Obsession No. 1. (Uh, I'm making another list within the list. Try to keep up.) Sports. My life revolves around sports. Some people say after a playoff loss, "Oh, it's just a game." Well, bullshit. I take that stuff seriously. Maybe too seriously. But to me, my sports teams are my family. Their loss is my loss.

3) This is the extent of my actual family. Tina. Pops. The occasional stop by grandma's. Haven't talked to anyone on mom's side in about seven years. Only really see dad's side on Good Friday. And that's because of the massive crawfish boil. Chuck and Nick can tell you of its greatness.

4) I'm an only child. Amazingly, most people are able to figure this out without asking me. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, "You're an only child, aren't you?" Am I like wearing a sign that says "I'm an only child" on my back or something?

5) A little sister would have been awesome. I often daydream of how cool it would have been to be a big brother. I think I would have made a good one. And if she had hot friends, ...

6) My dating life can't be described as booming. It's sad, really. I'm not even going to tell you how sad. My pessimistic side always says to give up and I'll never find anyone. My optimistic side is a hopeful romantic and believes it will happen. It's an eternal struggle.

7) I have two OCD habits. After locking my door and walking like 10 feet, I return to my car to make sure I turned the lights off. I have what I like to call Things of Nine. These are the nine things I make sure I have with me when going to work: wallet, camera, iPod, ID badge, pen, notepad, water bottle, keys, phone. When I only count eight, the item most often missing is my keys.

8) At the mention of a familiar line, I'm likely to break out in song. This is a problem because I'm a horrible singer.
I also like to come up with parodies of songs based on the happenings around me.

9) Obsession No. 2. Poker. I've watched every episode of the World Series of Poker since 2003. I could play for a week straight if given the opportunity, but I've been cutting back lately. Only two Harrah's trips per month. I wish I were involved in a weekly home game.

10) I've been made fun of all my life. Grammar school. High school. Maroon office. T-P office. I came to accept this long ago. Usually, it's good-natured and gives everyone else something to have in common. Besides, I can take it.

11) I consider myself both incredibly brilliant and unbelievably idiotic. Sometimes, I feel like I'm thinking on a higher level than those around me. Other times, I'm not sure how I'm able to tie my shoes. (I know. I know. Loop. Swoop. And pull.) Just the other day, I asked Lopes: "Is the front page of sports always in color?"

12) A high school friend and I were trying to get into trouble once at the New Orleans Arena. How else to explain us finding a door that led to the Arena's catwalk? We went to about five events there in the span of a month and one time, we never went to our seats. We watched the event from the catwalk. Walked all away across it a couple of times. I still can't believe no one ever caught us.

13) I'm not afraid to admit I cry. At the end of romantic comedies or about 50 episodes of Scrubs. Every big Jim-and-Pam moment. Other times that we won't get into now.

14) I've read about 20 of these 25 things about me nonsense. The envelope please. And The Gene Pool Award for funniest item I've read so far goes to Brian's No. 18. Congratulations. Sorry. No time for a speech. (Brian's No. 18 is about how he loves infomercials. "Shamwows? oh yes. Snuggies? oh hell yes. Set it and Forget Rotisserie? oh yes hell yes. I do not, however, have any interest in selling my gold for cash.")

15) Don't Stop Believin' is my anthem. Before you die, you should hang out with me, get me drunk and play this song. You won't be disappointed. Add it to your bucket list. Right now. I'll wait.

16) Done? Good. I have a confession to make. I steal. Nothing major. But I have a thing for taking little things. I think this started when I was 10 and I used to take off the caps of Sprites in the back of the convenient store to find ones that said free 20 oz.

17) I'm a pack rat. I have the ticket stub for every major (or semi-major) event I've ever attended. I have stacks of paper all over the place. I have much trouble with throwing things away. Tina, however, does not.

18) Obsession No. 3. TV. If the Church allowed this sort of thing, I'd have my TV stand in my wedding. If I ever have one, that is. Hopefully, one of the bridesmaids is strong enough to carry it down the aisle.

19) I like telling stories about my life. In person, I tend to give too many details and sidebars. Which brings me to ...

20) The Gene Pool. I don't know where I would be without this thing. I'd have a lot more free time for sure. But I believe this site is one of the only reasons I'm staying sane. And my stories come out much better here.

21) Eavesdropping is fun. I don't care what anyone says. I'm addicted to eavesdropping. I listen in to other tables at restaurants, my co-workers (who find this annoying for some reason), people at bars, etc. Try it some time. You can learn a lot by going through some one's trash, but you can learn even more by eavesdropping.

22) I have a theory that girlfriends of my friends find me hilarious. You should know that 60 percent of the time, my theories work every time.

23) Not only am I a rule breaker, but I'm also a system cheater. If you've read enough of my tips of the week, you're familiar with this one. I've taught you how to see multiple movies for free at the theatre, get free drinks at fast food restaurants and get free food courtesy of the Hornets. I think I may be cheap.

24) Obsession No. 4. Wrestling. On Jan. 16, 1993, I was flipping through the stations when I came across a wrestling show. I haven't stopped watching since. Unless you count those two-month periods in 2001 and 2004 when I was disgusted and took a break. My yearly vacation revolves around the location of WrestleMania.

25) I edit just about everything. I'm expected to do it at work, but I can't help but look for mistakes whenever I read something. I cringe every time I read a typo on some one's facebook status. I shouldn't. But I do.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is getting frustrated with her diet. "I can't lose any fucking weight. It doesn't want to come off."

Mom can't believe the stupidity of a soap opera character. "How can you not know your fucking insurance rate? Fucking joke."

Mom and I went to Dockside for her birthday lunch. I order the lunch version of the crawfish pasta. It comes. "Damn. How fucking big is the dinner plate?" I eat my fill and get a to-go box.
Me: This is enough for another full meal.
Mom: No shit.

During the meal, it started raining. "Son of a bitch." On the way home, two cars almost got into an accident. Mom didn't think they would avoid each other. "Look at this shit."

Mom stopped to get gas. She can't find her credit card. I tell her I have it in my bag at home. "Jesus. Almost gave me a fucking heart attack." Mom then asks me for the price of the gas she's pumping.
Me: $1.87
Mom: Better than $4. What was fucking Diesel when gas was $4?
Me: 4 something.
Mom: Jesus.

Mom then takes a paper towel and wipes her gas cap and around the tank. The paper towel is nearly completely black. "Look at this shit on my gas tank."

Mom had three Grammy comments.
1) On Usher's wife. "She had fucking problems with plastic surgery. That's why Usher wasn't there. Probably went out the country because it's cheaper. People don't want to fucking spend thousands and thousands of dollars on surgery."

2) "You see how Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna?"

3) "Alison Krauss and Robert Plant were the big winners. Five fucking Grammys."

On a product she recently bought, mom said: "If it works, it works. If it doesn't, I'm fucked. Fucking scam."

PARTING SHOT
We're discussing the history of UNC basketball. I tell Marcus that Tyler is the best in school history.

Me: He's going to be the all-time leading scorer in ACC history.
Marcus: Does he have a ring?
Me: He will.
Me: You proposing to him?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top five male musicians who are known by their name.

5) Eric Clapton.
Have a pick from his concert that he used.

4) Elvis Presley.
Even though he learned that dance move from Forrest Gump.

3) Rod Stewart.
Kicked soccer balls into the crowd at concerts. Awesome.

2) Elton John.
Really liked his last album in 2006. Good stuff.

1) Lenny Kravitz.
When I was flipping through the booklet in his last album, Tina said: "I'd fuck him."