SAY IT AIN'T SO

They say that all good things eventually come to an end. But I'm not ready for this to be over. I am of course writing about five-cent Skittles in the cafeteria vending machine. The T-P sports department first discovered the miracle that is cheap candy Aug. 12.

So, Thursday was our six-month anniversary. Since I couldn't take the vending machine out for a nice steak dinner, I thought maybe I'd buy a bunch of bags of Skittles and the department could celebrate together. Maybe even save a few bags for those not working on the anniversary. 

However, when I ventured downstairs for dinner (and to buy the bags), I was greeted with a most horrible and astonishing site. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Alas, no. It was all too real. 

The vending machine was out of order and the bottom rack of candy was taken off its line and pulled forward. Uh-oh, I thought. Not only was the anniversary ruined, but this could be the end of five-cent Skittles as we know it. (The Zero bars behind the Skittles don't make too happy, either.)

I felt so bad. I had only eaten about three bags in the past four weeks. You could say the honeymoon had been over for a while, and we were settling into our everyday marriage routine. 

Seeing this site and having the thought of $1 Skittles, however, made me realize just how much I loved this cheapness. I swear if the Skittles are still five cents when this is all over, I will never take this greatness for granted again. I will savor the fruit flavor with every shift I work. 

Liam and I estimated that the vendor of this machine has lost $250. Now that I think about it some more, it's probably more like $350. It would be wise for him to fix it. There is hope that the error won't be corrected, though. 

The only reason that the candy rack is pulled forward is so nothing can fall all the way to the bottom. See, the machine is out of order, but it is still on. You can still order, but the candy rack will catch anything that falls.

Case in point, those two bags of chips in the bottom right corner. They seemed to be stuck in the Lays rack, third row all the way to the right. That might have been the cause of the out-of-order sign. I don't know. All I know is I shook the machine violently, and the two bags fell and landed on the candy. 

I guess we'll have to stay tuned to see what becomes of our Skittle situation. I hope the divorce lawyers haven't already been called, and we can celebrate the anniversary properly sometime next week. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom and I are talking about the dog incident. She didn't stick around to see how it ended. "What the fuck happened with that dog?" I then do my impression of our across-the-street neighbor. He's protective of his kids. "I've been here 20 fucking years, and I don't know what his kids looks like." (Weird. Because they've been here five years. But still.)

Mom finally cursed about the woman who threw her baby in the lake. "She wrapped up the placenta. She got rid of that. Then she wrapped up the baby in a fucking towel and dumped it in the lake." 

Mom: She was considering adoption. I don't understand what happened. 

Me: Well, she was trying to hide it from her parents. She files for adoption, and with all the stuff that goes with that, they were going to find out. 

Mom: You don't think they know about it now? She's going to fucking jail.

Mom is unhappy with a contestant on Survivor. "Fucking Survivor. The bitch has the fucking immunity fucking right in front of her. But she doesn't have a fucking clue what she's doing. She doesn't know how far 10 paces is. How the fuck did she get on the island?" 

Speaking of islands, mom loved the last four episodes of Lost. Episodes 17-20 of Season 1. "Those four episodes were so good. I have to watch them again. So much shit happened." 

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

Don't know if this is exactly a tip, but it sure as heck has helped Tina and me at restaurants. Whenever we go out to eat, Tina orders a diet coke, and I order a coke. Many times when the drinks come, she tastes her drink and decides it doesn't taste quite like diet coke. Probably a fountain drink thing. 

She then makes me taste hers while she tastes mine. We eventually get it straight, but I feel like Tina is always left confused. The other day at Ground Pati, our waitress told us how to tell the difference. I thought I'd pass on the skinny dip to you fine folks. 

The diet coke is slightly darker than the regular coke. Tina is now fascinated with this concept and pointed out how easy it was to tell now the other day when we went to Dockside. No more taste tests required. Putting two straws in one is also unnecessary. 

We can now eat in peace. I hope you can, too. 

PARTING SHOT

D is proud of himself for his blogging effort Thursday night.

Brick: I'm going to set you up with your own blog.

D: Like The Gene Pool?

Brick: You can compete with The Gene Pool.

JRap: It'll be called D-licious.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five professors at Loyola. 

5) Joan Gaulene. Communications writing. Spring '03.

She really took a liking to Amanda and me. We'd stay after class and chat it up sometimes. 

4) Boyd Blundell. Christian Ethics. Spring '05.

The only class I ever really looked forward to attending. I would be like, 'It's Tuesday. Christian Ethics today. Yes!' Learned a lot, and my mind was challenged constantly. That class had some excellent discussions, and Blundell's mind was amazing. 

3) Brant Pitre. Old Testament. Spring '04.

He took what sounded like a boring class and turned it into one of my all-time favorites, even though it was a three-hour class. If there was ever a time I really thought about switching career paths, it was while I was in that class. Especially when I was writing the final paper. 

2) Larry Lorenz. History of Journalism. Spring '05.

Besides being my landlord for a whopping one month, Lorenz was the best professor ever. Not only does he have the history of journalism memorized, he knew so much about the business. He even gave me his copy of Red Smith's biography because he knew I was so into sports journalism. 

Plus, his sense of history was unmatched. The day after the Heels won the 2005 NCAA title, I was in his class. 

Lorenz: The men's championship was last night, right?

Me: Yeah. The Heels won. 

Nicole: And the women play tonight. 

Lorenz: Oh, the women play every night. 

(That became a catchphrase. Also he loved this phrase from a court case: "Snitch bitch ho." 

1) P. Scott. Maroon advisor. Advanced reporting. Journalism Lab. News editing. Katrina chronology.

All you need to know about her awesomeness is that she embraced her students calling her P. Scott. Short for Professor Scott.  

In her classes, you never felt like you were in a class at school. You were learning the business and how to be a reporter. After all, that's the whole reason I was at Loyola. As Maroon advisor, she always pushed us to make a good product, but she never got heavily involved because she wanted us to fend for ourselves. I wouldn't have it any other way. I felt so prepared for a real job.