THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I was still up when my mom woke up Friday. She recalls the previous day's incident of me leaving my bag on the couch. "I was laying down. I think he's starting his car. He'll come back. Then I'm like, 'What the fuck is he doing?' I look outside. The fucking car is gone. You went to work without your fucking bag. How far were you? You didn't notice you didn't have any of your fucking stuff? You're lucky I fucking got up. I almost fell asleep. You would have been fucked. ... Luckily you had your fucking phone."

Mom shows me a text message she got yesterday from the JP employers. It says her FCU benefits have run out, and she needs to call this number immediately.

Mom: What the fuck you think this is about?

Me: Seems like a scam.

Mom: I was going to call it from your phone.

Me: Don't call this number.

Mom: What? They trying to get information?

Me: Probably.

Mom: I thought it was very fucking strange.

I tell mom about the scammer from Bruno's the other night. "He probably does that every fucking night."

We are watching old highlights of me playing basketball when I was 8. "You look the same. Just like me. People recognize me from fucking grammar school. ... (Looking at the footage:) Are you fucking chewing gum? You are. You're like, 'Fuck ya'll.' "

All those quotes were before I went to bed early Friday morning. When I wake up, mom was steaming about Wal-Mart. "I got caught in the fucking rain. They didn't have anything. No ground meat. No chicken. Nothing. What the fuck? The storm pushed everything back that much? What's the fucking hold up?"

Then later. "They didn't have shit. I'm like, 'What the fuck is going on?' Then I found the Sam's water hidden and the other water on this big display. I got so frustrated. Fucking had nothing."

I REMEMBER WHEN I WENT TO THESE GAMES 

(This item was meant to be the first one, but I can't figure out how to copy and paste on the blog when using my Mac.)

One of my big duties at the T-P is compiling the prep rail on Friday nights. The first one of the season was Friday, pushed back a week because of Ike. The rail has the player of the week, the play of the night, quote of the night, a list of the top rushers, passers and receivers and other notes from local area high school football games. I basically have to go through every prep story we run in the paper and scan them for stats and the such. 

This is the fourth year of the prep rail's existence, and since 2004 (Katrina canceled the rail in 2005), I am the only person to be assigned the task. A vote of confidence or a punishment. You decide.

Not that I mind doing it. I actually have come to like it. Though during the prep season, I count down the number of weeks until I don't have to do it anymore. The rail poses a challenge. We don't get our first prep story until around 9:20. The rail needs to be finished around 11:20. So the process becomes a two-hour adrenaline rush. 

I remember panicking a good bit in that first year. Now, I still feel the rush, but I never sweat it. Also, during the first year, I gave Marcus headaches because I was - how do I say this? - mistake prone. Once I sent the file over to him, and the leading rusher was Name, School. I forgot to type in the kid's name and school. I still say Name, School is the best player in prep history. 

I have a bit of a routine when it comes to the prep rail. I wear my best shirt to work to tell myself psychologically that I'm performing an important task. I start chewing a stick of gum at 9:05 p.m. to help put on my game face. But the most important action I take to get ready is to have the following conversation (or one similar to it - we like to mix it up) with Lopes, who has been a big help to me the past two years. The interaction is inspired by DX, a wrestling group in the late 1990s. 

hattrick246: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

Gus5087: BOYS AND GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES

hattrick246: the tp sports department proudly brings to you

Gus5087: The Gene Pool Gene Guillot

Gus5087: The Lopes Dogg Andy Lopez (Can you say new nickname?)

Gus5087: AND THE WEEK.... 3.... RAAAIL!

hattrick246: and if you aint down with that

Gus5087: we got two wooooooords for ya

(long pause while I think of something appropriate to type.)

Gus5087: PREP IT!

(For a variation, I added this Friday night.)

hattrick246: and if you're not down w/ that

hattrick246: tina's got three words for ya

hattrick246: what

hattrick246: the

hattrick246: fuck

(or possibly)

Gus5087: You

Gus5087: Fucking

Gus5087: Idiots

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

If you are thinking about watching a well-known movie you've never seen before, look up some information about it first. The year it was made. The actors in it. Maybe read a review. Just because it's a big-time movie, doesn't mean you need to watch it. I learned this the hard way the other day with Breakfast at Tiffany's. I've been trying my best to see as many films from before my time as possible. So far, I've seen: The Breakfast Club, Fletch and Stripes.

I taped BAT's the other day and sat down to watch it Wednesday night. Unfortunately, I'm an idiot. I thought BAT's was a 1980s teen movie, along the lines of Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink. I based that on the name of the film. It seemed like something that would have Molly Ringwald in it. Also, I knew the song Breakfast at Tiffany's from the late 1990s. "And I said, 'What about Breakfast at Tiffany's' " ... "We both kind of liked it." Seemed to me that the singer was recalling watching the movie in his teenage years in the 1980s. 

So imagine my surprise when the movie starts, really old movie music is playing and I see the elegant Audrey Hepburn walking down the street. I did find the movie somewhat humorous, but the pace was incredibly boring. If I had known what I was getting into (by looking up some info or by, you know, having a freaking clue), I would not have taped it at all. I tell my mom Thursday about my folly. 

Mom: Do you even know what Tiffany's is?

Me: Yes, mom. I watched the movie. 

Mom: Fucking Tiffany's is a jewelry store.

Me: I know. I got that from the movie.

Mom: What did you think Tiffany's was before you watched the movie?

Me: I thought it was the place where Molly Ringwald falls in love while eating breakfast.

Mom: That was fucking stupid.

PARTING SHOTS

I ask D why he bought two bags of Skittles.

D: That's on stockpile. In case a hurricane hits.

We are discussing the word of the day: pabalum (look it up).

Marcus: When you run into issues, you have a pa-ba-lum.

Trey is upset at a writer during the first Friday prep night.

Trey: I'm going to ring his neck. (Then he makes a punching motion.)

Lopes: So you're going to ring his neck and then punch him?

Retro quote: September 19, 2004 (just back from Ivan)

Father Frank: Fathern Minh can't swim, but he told me he wasn't worried about the city flooding. I asked him why. He told me that if the city floods, he would use me as a flotation device." (Note: Father Frank is not a small man.)

THE DAILY TOP LIST

I went to the casino Thursday for the first time since Aug. 14. Aren't you proud of me? During a hand I was not in, I got to thinking about my all-time memorable hands. Here are the top five.

5) And Three Nobody Remembers. Summer 2007.

I have pocket queens, and I get involved in a huge pot pre-flop. The flop is 3-5-J. There is minimum betting on the flop and the turn, a 7. I think I may be winning until the river 2 hits, and there is a bet, raise and re-raise. I fold after the first raise. The guy who bet had A-J. The raiser had pocket aces, and the re-raiser had pocket kings. The point is: I had the third best starting hand possible and was in third place before the flop. That don't happen often, folks.

4) First Casino Visit. November 10, 2004

I got to the casino at 11:55 p.m., five minutes before I turned 21. Yeah, that's right. Like so many others, I won on my first night. The first hand I won with was Queen-deuce. I was in the big blind, and the flop came Q-2-2. Too bad it hasn't always been that easy.

3) We Three Kings. Summer 2006. 

I have pocket kings and raise pre-flop. I get a few callers. The flop is K-9-5 rainbow. Perfect. I bet. One call. Turn is a 5. I bet and get raised. I have a full house, so I re-raise. Obviously, the other guy has a 5. The river is the fourth five. Well, shit. I go down in flames. 

2) Five Suits in a Row. April 2008.

I have 9-7 of clubs. Four people in the hand. The flop is 5 clubs-6 clubs-8 clubs. That gave me the first straight flush of my life. There is a bet and two calls before me. I just call. Turn is an 8. There is a bet and re-raise before me. I just call. The river is the deuce of clubs, putting four clubs on the board. There is a bet and a re-raise before me again. This time I re-raise. I get re-raised (which was the last possible raise in the limit game). I call and so does the other person One guy had the ace of clubs for a flush; the guy who kept raising had 8-6 for a full house. 

I then went on a straight flush flurry, getting three more within two weeks, including in a tournament. 

1) Crazy Eights. Summer 2005.

I'm playing 3-6 limit. My table is moved to another one, which is full. I have 11 dollars left. Instead of just leaving, I get 40 more dollars so I can keep playing. I'm the big blind on the first hand and already have three dollars in the pot. The dealer accidentally flips over my second card (a king) and thus, has to give me another second card. 

I have pocket 8s. The first person raises to 6. Fold. Call. Call. Call. Call. Call. Raise to 9. Small blind folds. I call. Original raiser makes it 12 (final raise). Everyone calls. So there is $97 (eight players) in the pot before the flop. To this date, that's the second-most I've seen in a 3-6 game. With all that raising, I need an 8 on the flop to have any chance. You figure someone has pocket aces or pocket kings (though my king that flipped up is not available). Or both are out there.

The flop: A-8-5. I check. Original raiser bets $3. Raise to 6. Call. Raise to 9. Fold. Fold. Call (the person who raised to 9 before the flop). I call. Original raiser makes it 12 (last possible raise). Everyone calls. Six people still in there. To recap: $169 total has been put in (though six of that has been taken out for the house). I have $24 of my $51 in there. But I have three 8s. I'm afraid one of the raising people has pocket aces. But I can't fold. 

The turn: K. I check again. Original raiser bets $6. Call. Call. Raise to 12 (same person who raised to 9 on the flop). Fold (person who raised to 9 before the flop. I think he had pocket jacks). I call. Original raiser calls. (For the first time, he doesn't raise. I no longer think he has pocket aces.) Call. Call. To recap: $229 in the pot (really $223). I have $36 of my $51 in there.

Also of note: All four suits are on the board. No one can make a flush. Somebody could have 6-7 and be hoping for a straight. So, I'm worried about pocket aces still. Maybe pocket kings. And a 4 or a 9 coming on the river.

The river: 2. I can only be beaten by pocket aces or pocket kings. Keep in mind, one of the kings is unavailable, so the person would have to have the other two kings left in the deck in his hand. I check again. Original raiser checks. Check. Check. Person who's been really pushing the action bets $6. I call. Original raiser calls. Call. Call. To recap: $259 in the pot (really $253). I have $42 of my $51 in there. It's time to show the cards, folks. 

Person who's been really pushing the action turns over first. A-10. Like that had any chance to win this huge pot. Why did he keep betting? Idiot. The original raiser and the guy after him (who raised on the flop to 6 and just called the rest of the time) turn over next at the same time. They both have A-K for top two pair. I can see why they stayed. They had a good starting hand (actually both were suited), hit top pair on the flop, got second top pair on the turn. Really they can only be beaten by pocket fives or pocket eights.

Speaking of pocket fives, the other person who had just called every time then turns over his pocket fives thinking he won. Until I turn over my pocket 8s for the win. Funny that the two best hands didn't push the action once. $253 (in the pot) - $42 (what I put in) -$10 (tip) = I made $201 on the pot. I now have $252 total in front of me. Not five minutes before, I had $51 in front of me and already had lost like $90. 

I left the table and the casino immediately.