MUST BE FOOTBALL SEASON

I'm not the biggest fan of making NFL predictions. It's such a crapshoot. I'm torn between just picking the same teams that won the division the season before and trying to be creative and making a bunch of crazy picks. And I sure as hell ain't picking every team's record. That's a pointless guessing game. So I'll give you my division winners, playoff guesses (which will probably be way off) and a few random predictions.

Division winners

Patriots, Steelers, Colts, Chargers, Eagles, Packers, Saints, Seahawks

NFC championship: Packers over Saints

AFC championship: Colts over Chargers

Super Bowl: Colts over Packers

Six Bold Predictions: 1) Aaron Rodgers will have a better season than Brett Favre, who will absolutely suck.

2) The Jaguars won't be as good as everybody is thinking, and the Browns won't make the playoffs.

3) Reggie Bush will silence a lot of critics, though he won't be all-world. The Saints will be 10-6.

4) There will be a million different playoff scenarios in the NFC with four weeks left. No one will be able to understand them.

5) At least one of my fantasy teams will finish in the money.

6) Tony Romo will cost the Cowboys yet another playoff game. (Sorry, Bob and Nick.) This time by throwing the ball into the stands on the final play of the game, with Dallas trailing the Saints 23-17.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom opened the new Entergy bill. The bill went down. "How the fuck did that happen? I wonder if they were fucking me over the last couple of months."

The cable guy came out today. Mom talked to him. "He said something about checking the main plant for an instrument to see if the problem is with the main plant. Whatever the fuck that means." (Then later when we discuss not having cable.) "He (the cable guy) starts telling me about all the people that are out of power. Like I give a fuck."

The garbage people also came for the first time today since Gustav. "Somebody put beer bottles in our trash. When they lifted the bags, the bottles fell out, and now there is glass all over the street. A fucking beer bottle. Who the fuck puts a fucking beer bottle in a plastic bag?"

Mom isn't a big fan of the Ike and Tina jokes going around. "That ain't funny. He used to beat the fuck out of her. He's right where he belongs. In the grave."

Mom is upset about the coverage of Gustav messing with programming. "I missed my fucking Swingtown, and it was the last fucking episode."

I don't even know how to set this one up. "What do you call the part between the dick and the asshole? The coffee table. That's the best line on fucking Weeds. I laugh my ass off every time."

Mom and I completed three tasks in the yard Saturday. 1) My basketball goal is held up by a water tank. It has a sizable hole in it, so we patched that up. 2) We tried to adjust the fence, which is offline after Gustav. 3) We drained the water off the pool cover.

Basketball goal: On messing up with a piece of tape: "Motherfucker." I ruined a garbage bag that we were using to cover up the hole and then put tape on it. "Fuck. You broke the fucking bag."

Fence: "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. (It works.) I guess I do know what the fuck I'm doing. ... Katrina is what pulled the fucking cement out of the ground."

Pool draining: I check the street to make sure the water is flowing. As I'm returning to the backyard, I hear mom yell. "I have the laziest motherfucker for a son." Then, an hour and a half into the draining, she says: "Motherfuck. There is a lot of water. ... Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable."

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

Don't unpack your stuff from Gustav evacuation or take down your boards on the windows. Ike could be knocking at your door step late next week. Several people I've talked to have decided that Ike is simply not coming here. End of story. Unfortunately, that's not how the weather works.

I had a scare Saturday afternoon when I told my mom that the storm could be headed our way. "I'm booking a flight on Monday and getting the fuck out of here. I'm not staying again." Mom stayed for Ivan, Katrina and Gustav. Yet Ike is already scaring her. I guess she knows her history. Ike wants to beat Tina.

PARTING SHOTS
There is a discussion about Gustav.

Marcus (to Sandy): It was going to hit the West Bank, but it got scared when it saw where it was going."

There is a discussion about the possibility of there being two Cutoffs.

D: I didn't know there were two Cutoffs.
Bake: A lot of people have a cutoff shortly after they are born.

Marcus asks Lopes if he will blog the Tulane game next week.

Lopes: I don't know what I'm doing.
Marcus: No. Really?

Arkansas State won 83-10 on Saturday. Lopes announces this.

Someone: What's 83-10?
Me: Tony Randall's age compared to his kid's.


THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five favorite orders at fast food joints.

5) A pepperoni pizza combo at Taco Bell/Pizza Hut.
Or if it's just a Taco Bell, I get the Nachos Belle Grande.

4) A three piece-snack at Cane's.
Or as I call it: Katrina food.

3) The chicken nugget meal at McDonald's.
I haven't eaten a hamburger from there since I was 8.

2) A three piece mild, dark combo / three-piece chicken strip combo at Popeye's.
Depends on what mood I'm in really.

1) A spicy chicken sandwich combo at Wendy's.
For some reason, I can't ever finish the whole thing. I always leave a little piece.