SLOPPY SECONDS: MY FIRST IDEA FOR THE LSU HEADLINE 

After that performance against State, I really hope LSU doesn't get ranked No. 2 in the new poll. Sure it would be great to be in that spot. The Tigers, however, don't deserve it. If they are No. 2, that just shows me how little the voters pay attention to games. But because LSU got off to a 17-3 lead and the game was never in doubt, I think they'll put them at No. 2.

Who deserves to be No. 2 behind the Sooners? Missouri? They ain't beat nobody. Nope. The answer is, gulp!, Nick Satan's Crimson Tide. For all that arguing, Marcus, LSU can still play the No. 2 team in the country. They'll probably both lose before that game, though. 

Quick thoughts on Saturday's game.

1) I wasn't sold on Lee after the Auburn game. The State game proved me correct. He consistently (I estimate 10 times) threw behind receivers. Especially on the interception. He threw behind and high to Dickson. I'm in favor of a platoon system with a healthy Hatch.

2) Brandon LaFell is a stud. I was ready to just cut his ass last year. Now I'm not sure if he returns for his senior season. He's getting open. He's catching everything thrown in his vicinity. He's making people miss and picking up a lot of extra yards after the catch.

3) Charles Scott is a tough son of a bitch. I can't say enough good things about him. He might be the best I've seen at LSU. 

4) For the record, Derry, I don't think Dickson should get a TD reception. I agree with what you were saying. It just seemed like they are saying they got the stat from an NCAA rule book. I'm just trying to get it right. Cool?

5) LSU looked like a JV team in the second and fourth quarter. The only thing the Tigers did right in the even quarters was Byrd's long touchdown. Good throw. Good catch. Good run. Bad everything else. State had huge running lanes. There was no pressure (once again from that supposed super talented line). Receivers were wide open. We couldn't get first downs. We had two turnovers. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is reading the story about the Causeway officer who was going 112 mph. "They give him a fucking citation. If that would have been my ass, I would have been in fucking jail." (Not two minutes later:) "My ass would have been in fucking jail."

Mom is worried about one of her favorite shows. "When's fucking Nip Tuck start? I can't find a commercial or anything. Like it fucking fell off the face of the Earth."

Mom is really concerned with the financial state of our country. She's panicking. 

-- "Even fucking Oprah is moving her fucking money."

-- "That's the big joke. Put it under the fucking mattress like the old fucking people used to do."

-- (After I say something about bailouts.) "What do you think is in your fucking savings account? Fucking cash!"

CUTTING IT CLOSE

This has been my routine on days I work the past few weeks: Start blog at work. Write a little bit of it. Finish shift. Then, either stay late at work to finish or come home, kick back and finish. On Saturday night, however, the blog site wouldn't let me sign in on my work computer. At first, I didn't think anything of it because that happens often. But this time, it didn't eventually let me on.

I forgot about it after the LSU game ended because we had to make the newspaper. When we finished at about 11:25, I started chatting with some co-workers about this and that. At 11:32, I tried to sign in again. Usually, the site works after 9 p.m., but not Saturday. 

Like that old saying goes: When the blogging gets tough, the tough get blogging. And I am tough, dammit. I quickly pack up, cut off a conversation and sprint to my car. You see, if I don't start the blog by midnight, there won't be an entry with that date posted. And, God forbid, the streak would be over. I had 28 minutes to get to my car, get home and get on the site on my laptop, which is always able to log in right away. Who do I talk to at work to fix this problem? 

Me: Yeah. I'm having a problem with this Web site.

Boss: Is it work related?

Me: Um. Yeah. It's work related.

Boss: What's the site? Maybe we can get someone to work on your computer.

Me: It's, um, my blogging site. I have a daily blog. 

Boss (steam coming out of head like in a cartoon): And you're doing it during work time?

Me: Sort of. I kind of just start it here. And write on it when I'm not busy with work stuff.

Boss: Yeah. No. And don't let me ever catch you blogging unless it's on NOLA. 

How serious was I about getting home by midnight? On my way out the building, I didn't stop in the cafeteria to fill up my water bottle. I can't recall the last time I didn't do that. At 11:35, I start my car. It takes me about 20 minutes to get home and another two or three to start my computer and get to the site. I also don't know the time difference between my cell phone and blogspot. 

So I figure I need to leave time to spare. This means speeding home. In my rush, I put it in reverse and hit the gas to back out of my parking space. One problem. There's a car five feet behind me. I turn my head to see where I'm going as I'm backing up. First thing I see is the other car. I slam the breaks and put it in drive. I'm fairly certain I didn't hit the other car. On the way home, the blogging gods were on my side because I didn't catch any of the long lights. 

I made it with five minutes to spare. I have to thank: 1) The police force for not having any officers on my route home; 2) My reflexes for realizing I needed to rush home; 3) My ability to go against my natural instinct at the end of work, which is to yak for a long while with co-workers. Just think what else could be possible, if I, but a simple blogger, can overcome all the odds in such dire conditions to do Saturday's entry. World peace. Universal health care. Britney Spears resurrecting her career. 

PARTING SHOTS

D is talking to Jelly about going to Saints games.

Jelly: I was on kiss cam once.

D: It was your husband, huh?

D is reading a prep story.

D: Is it Grace King or just King?

Derry: I always say Grace.

Marcus: I bet you do.

Marcus is giving me advice on how to deal with Ashley's boyfriend.

"You need to friend him up. Buddy him up and say look here, 'Me and Ashley, we getting it on.' "

This next one really got the office going. We'll be talking about this one for years. Sandy and Marcus are discussing their teamwork on the Harris. Derry chimes in. The "he" is Mike.

Derry: He made me his partner for everything last night.

Derry and I start a feud on whether Dickson's touchdown was a receiving one.

Marcus: OK. Nobody can go until Derry and Gene do a Jump Bump.

Derry: Well, folks. You're going to be here a long time.

Brick: Come on. Start bumping.

Marcus (weirded out): Nevermind. Do goobs. 

Retro quote: September 27, 2004

I'm on my way out of my Parables class when I see the professor talking to Ann, who needed to take a makeup exam, which the professor promised would be tougher than the original.

Dr. Richard: Do you think you can pass this test?

Ann (slightly whimpering): I'm gonna try. 

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five personal sports victories. 

5) Soccer tournament. 

I've played a lot of soccer games in a lot of leagues, so I'm not quite sure how old I was or in what tournament this game took place. I think it was during 10th grade on my Lafreniere team. We were trailing 2-0 with only five minutes to go. Then we scored. Then I scored one minute later. It was a crazy comeback because a 2-0 lead in soccer with five minutes left is a blowout. 

Our team was jumping up and down like we won. I yelled on the way back to our side. "No. No. One more. We need one more." We got it, too. With about 30 seconds left. That was an insane ending, and with the win, we advanced out of pool play and into the semifinals (a loss). Scoring three goals quick like that to win is like the soccer version of the Bluegrass Miracle.

4) Every basketball title.

When I was 6- 10-years-old, my team won the championship every season and when I was 8, I won two titles because they let me play in the 9-10 league. Of course, I don't have proof of one of those 8-year-old titles because the tape now shows Brandon LaFell scoring the winning touchdown against Auburn.

3) Intramural flag football championship. October 2003.

In my sophomore year of college, the Slackers took the Loyola rec league by storm. In the title game, we beat some frat 20-6. I had two picks and eight receptions (including the final touchdown), but the highlight came from Bones Jackson.

We're up 13-6 in the fourth quarter and trying to bleed the clock. He catches a short pass on a second down, makes two people miss and sprints to the end zone. Nobody is going to catch Bones, but as he slows up near the goal line, he trips and falls at the 1-yard line. Sometimes I don't call him Bones. For a change of pace, I'll say, "What's up, Trips?"

2) Rummel vs. Brother Martin. January 2002.

In my senior year, Rummel, Brother Martin and the Jays were pretty even. The first time we played Martin was at home, and most people thought they would win. We played 100-plus minutes of scoreless soccer to go to penalty kicks. I came the closest to scoring in regulation. I hit the crossbar from right outside the left corner of the penalty box. 

Our goal keeper morphed into a superhuman in penalty kicks. He blocked four of Martin's five kicks. The Saders didn't miss wide or high. He dived and blocked the kicks. He said after he knew where each Sader was aiming before the Sader did. I believed him. 

The TP didn't cover the game. If it was Jesuit, they'd have been out there. 

1) St. Christopher vs. St. Edwards. Fall 1996. 

The city semifinals in the seventh grade, the greatest game in which I played. Hollywood couldn't write a better ending. Matt Liuzza (future LSU catcher, two CWS appearances) was their quarterback. LSU's current best tennis player, Kevin Dessauer, was also playing for St. Edward. They were killing us. Actually, I forget the score, but I know we were down 19 points with five minutes left. 

During a timeout, our assistant coach says: "This isn't over, guys. Hey, pick your heads up. I'm serious. You can still win this. It ain't over yet." We all looked at each other. We believed him. The offense scores quickly. Down 12. On defense, we force a three-and-out, which included an incomplete pass. Still, the clock was on their side. We have all three timeouts.

On our first play, our quarterback drops back and throws a deep pass. Our receiver blows by the defensive back, makes the catch and sprints to the end zone. We're now down by 5 with a little less than a minute left. 

We get another three-and-out on defense and call time out after each play. After the punt, we're pushed pretty far back in our territory WITH 32 SECONDS REMAINING. On the first play, we run the same play as the previous possession. I remember watching this play unfold like it was yesterday. Several St. Edwards' defenders point at our receiver, telling each other to watch out for the same play as before. Uh-oh. The quarterback drops back and throws the ball as far as he can. He must have overthrew our receiver (who was double covered) by 20 yards. 

I take my eyes off the sailing ball to look at our receiver. I just wanted to see how far the QB had overthrown him. What I saw still is the greatest sports moment of my life. The receiver had this crazy, determined look on his face. He wanted the ball. He left the defenders in his dust and outstretched his little arms as far as he could. He catches the ball on the edge of his fingertips and stumbles forward. He keeps his balance and coasts into the end zone. All the St. Edwards' defenders were way behind him, having given up on the ball when they saw that it was way overthrown. The touchdown put us ahead by one.

St. Edwards still had 17 seconds left. On the next play, Liuzza drops back from his 10-yard line (the field was 70 yards) and launches the ball into the end zone. We bat it down. Two seconds left. On the final play, our rusher pulled Liuzza's flag before he could let go of the ball. Ballgame. Thanks for coming.