For the fifth consecutive year, LSU and Auburn gave us a classic battle. I kept a running diary of the game, a la Bill Simmons. But the two difference here is he gets paid to do these things and I was working a shift while taking notes. All in all, I made a comment at 66 times. Yeah, I counted.
6:44: I tell Jelly I'm not worried about the game. Because of last year, I'm given them a free pass this season. But I also mention that once the hits start getting put on, I'll probably demand a victory.6:47: Kickoff.
6:49: The first hit is laid. On Byrd after a first down. This shit is so on!
6:50: Mike Patrick: "You better have your big boy pants on tonight." Check.
6:52: Hatch misses Tolliver wide open down the sideline. Would have been 6. Eh, Flynn wouldn't have made that play either.
6:53: The punt coverage downs the ball at the 1. Field position is key in this battle. Looks like we're winning.
6:56: LSU is really stuffing the run. Auburn goes nowhere on third-and-4. And the punt fest is on.
6:59: I'm reminded for the 645th time this week that the home team in the series has won eight games in a row.
7:01: LSU has fourth-and-less than a yard. At own 30-something. They punt. I think Miles has gone soft on us.
7:08: Trindon fumbles the next punt from Auburn. Another LSU player dives over it. LSU eventually recovers. Whew. One turnover could be the difference.
7:12: On third-and-long, Scott gets a nice little run to put LSU in field-goal range. Hatch had the big play on the drive with a lengthy scramble. Auburn calls timeout. It's like they are daring Miles to go for it.
7:16: Colt David makes a 46-yarder to give LSU a 3-0 lead. This reminds me of 2004 when they took a 3-0 at the end of the first half. Uh-oh.
7:18: LSU gives too much time. Auburn gets a big play down the middle to midfield. Marcus: "Can we blitz?"
7:22: Trindon muffs another punt. Recovers himself. This guy is giving me a heart attack. He better not be back there on the next punt.
7:26: Liam sees this running diary. "What the hell you doing? You have a screw loose."
7:29: Charles Scott is punishing people. But he's taking a beating. We need to mix in the other running backs.
7:33: Derry gets back with dinner. Just like this game I'm watching: A Whopper.
7:37: Auburn hits two big plays to make its first trip in the red zone. Danny McCray gets burned. Again. That dude is terrible. I can't believe he's starting.
7:40: Interference on the freshman cornerback sets up Auburn at the 5. Bitches punch it in for a 7-3 lead.
7:49: Scott bulls his way into Auburn territory, but the drive stalls at the 33. I didn't like the third-down play. Should have run a bubble screen to Mitchell/Byrd/LaFell or a screen pass to Murphy to get a few yards. And they probably should have gone for it on fourth down. That was way too long a field goal. David didn't come close on it.
7:51: Interception! Yes. 5:38 left in first half.
7:52: Neither of these LSU quarterbacks are impressing. Not a good sign.
7:55: During a commercial, I realize the current score (7-3) is the same as the 2006 final.
7:58: Offsetting personal fouls. Things are starting to get chippy. I say let them fight.
8:00: LSU calls timeout after stopping Auburn. 1:47 left in the half. They made the tackle at like 1:58. Why did we wait 11 seconds to stop the clock?
8:01: Chad Jones fields the punt cleanly. Yeah! The color guy says that Trindon isn't back there because he muffed two punts. Patrick: "Yeah. You don't want to fumble here." Because before we wanted to fumble.
8:02: One of the worst passes I've ever seen by Lee. Just awful. Dude pump faked a screen pass. And then made this girlie little toss that floated right to the Auburn guy, who takes it to the house. Maybe they should have let the clock run out after all. Auburn 14-3.
8:07: Color guy: "That last possession was really devastating for LSU." No shit.
8:10: Bake and I agree that LSU should have thrown with :23 seconds left instead of running it and calling timeout with 8 seconds left. Hatch doesn't reach the end zone on the Hail Mary to end the half. Liam: "I could reach the end zone on that. This guy has no arm."
8:17: Halftime thoughts. Brought to you by the TP sports desk. (Funny how the second half can completely spit in the face of how you feel at halftime of a game.)
--Jelly: These QBs are inexperienced. It's an SEC game ON THE ROAD against LSU's biggest rival. They're going to make stupid mistakes. It's OK. Everyone has been so spoiled by overachieving quarterbacks (namely, Mauck and Flynn) the past few years, and they seem to forget that now.
--Marcus: No QB. No chance. As Ernest the Cat used to say: SOMEBODY CALL MY MOMMA.
8:36: Auburn is driving on the first series of the third quarter. Liam: "The vaulted LSU defense can't tackle. The Saints are better tacklers." Ouch.
8:39: Personal foul on LSU. They had Auburn stopped on third down. Would have been a pretty long field goal. Instead first down. That's a killer.
8:42: Bring the pressure on third down. Sack. Out of field-goal range. That's huge. LSU still in this thing.
8:47: Hatch takes a hit and isn't getting up. He never saw the guy who smacked him. Uffa.
8:48: I had called for a throw to the tight end earlier. Seemed like they weren't playing with one. First drive of the second half, Boom! First down to Dickson. LSU moves into Auburn territory.
8:51: TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! BRAND NEW BALLGAME, FOLKS! Auburn 14-10. I think Lee was helped by getting hit. The pass was right on the money, and he got nailed as he threw it. If he doesn't get it, the ball is halfway up the bleachers. D: "We got a game now." Brick: "Now we rocking."
8:54: Scratch that earlier thought. Miles hasn't gone soft. LSU recovers an onsides kick. The department completely missed the onsides kick. We turn around to see Jai Eugene go for the Jump Bump record. I counted four. Who knows how many he did off camera. One was as Liam said: A Jump Bump Hug.
8:56: I wonder aloud where Keiland Williams went. He doesn't have a carry.
8:57: The momentum is gone. Wasted with a three-and-out. Lee looks terrible.
9:00: FUMBLE. Damn. Auburn recovers.
9:01: Long play for Auburn. Looked like a pick. LSU dude missed it, though. Crazy ass play. The momentum has officially left the building. Thank you very much.
9:07: Big fourth down. LSU gets to the quarterback. Guy misses him. Shit. Then the quarterback throws. Hawkins, who already had a pick, catches the damn ball at the LSU 11 instead of knocking it down, costing LSU 21 yards. Derry: "Jesus Christ. Have you ever played football before?" D: "He went to Carencro."
9:09: LaFell makes a hell of a catch off a play-action on first down. Throw was high, and he hauled it in. LSU crosses into Auburn territory.
9:10: Play-action again. LaFell catches again.
9:11: Last play of the third quarter. Keiland finally gets in the game. Pitch to Keiland. Yes. He stops, and OMG, it's a halfback pass. TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! LSU 17-14. Byrd gets the winner vs. Auburn again?
9:12: Jelly notes that no one in the department is bitching about LSU's play anymore. Jelly: "I want credit for not having said the game is over." Liam also notes the non-bitching. Coincidentally, this is Liam's favorite time of the day. Weird, huh? If you ask him when something is going to happen or when he's going to do something, he always answers: 9:12.
9:16: For the third time in the game, I thought an Auburn pass was incomplete or picked off. But it was actually caught by Auburn. How do they keep doing this?
9:21: My computer freezes. I reboot during a timeout after an Auburn punt.
9:24: Scott is incredible. How many rushes of 8 or more does he have?
9:25: Liam: "This is a tale of two halfs." Scott runs through a big hole and then makes two nice moves. LSU is threatening again.
9:28: LSU calls timeout before a third-down play. Good decision. Liam: "You can't take them back to the bus with you."
9:31: David makes a 32-yarder to increase the lead to 20-14 with 8:35 left. On third down, Scott almost broke through two tacklers on a screen pass.
9:35: The defensive line continues to get no pressure. Auburn gets a HUGE play down field . Receiver was all alone.
9:39: It's third-and-9 from the LSU 15-yard line. And no pressure. McCray gets burned. Story of the night with that combination. Auburn ahead 21-20 with 6:40 to go. A stop there makes Auburn kick a field goal and leaves LSU ahead.
9:41: I predict a bad call on the upcoming drive. (I turned out to be wrong. On that drive, anyway.)
9:50: Three-and-out for both teams. LSU at its 46 with 4:00 remaining. One timeout. Put up or shut up time. LSU decides to put up and march down the field.
9:54: My heart stops as Lee drops back to throw on first down in the red zone. What? Oh yeah. I forgot. Miles is crazy. But a good kind of crazy. From the camera angle, it looked like the ball was going to be picked. Marcus and D agreed. But LaFell catches it and TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN! LSU 26, Auburn 21.
9:55: LSU goes for two to try to take a seven-point lead. But they run a stupid play. Roll out? Come on. Auburn has 1:03 left to add more lore to this rivalry.
9:56: Jelly expresses concern about LSU using a prevent defense. I respond, "What is this? The Arkansas game from a few years back?"
9:57: 58 seconds left. Auburn at its 36.
9:58: Personal foul on LSU. There's your screwjob call. You knew it was coming.
9:59: Big-time sack by LSU. Al Jones (that's what his momma called him; that's what I call him) busts around the end and retakes the 15 yards he gave up (though he really didn't) on the personal foul.
10:00: Liam tells Marcus I'm taking minutes on the game. Marcus: "If we late on pages, I'm killing that fucking blog." (We weren't late. Everything was under control.)
10:01: Auburn receiver wide open 25 yards down the middle of the field. Yikes. Quarterback misses him.
10:02: Auburn completes a 23-yard pass on fourth-and-25. LSU WINS! LSU WINS! On the play, Auburn's quarterback is smashed by an LSU defensive lineman as he throws.
10:03: The camera shows that cry baby Tommy Tuberville yelling at the ref for a personal foul call. I hate that bitch. I can't read lips that well, but this is how I think the conversation went.
Tuberbitch: Um, we're supposed to get a late miracle call at home in this series. Didn't you get my memo?
Ref: No. I didn't.
Tuberbitch: I e-mailed it to you Thursday. Yeah. We got miracle calls in 2004 and 2006. That's how this works.
Ref: Well. I didn't get it. And it wasn't a personal foul. So quit your whining and get out of my face.
Tuberbitch: You son of a bitch. You'll never work in this town again.
Ref: Good. This place sucks.
Final thoughts
1) I'm not rushing to anoint Lee the starter or join his fan club. He still scares me.
2) Charles Scott is awesome. I hope he doesn't get a big workload in easy games. They need to save him for the biggies.
3) The defense gave up a lot of big plays. The defensive line has to get more pressure. Maybe some credit there goes to Auburn's offensive line. I'm not sure. And the secondary. Esh. Danny McCray blows.
4) The turnaround in this game sort of reminds me of the Florida turnaround in 2004. I think JaMarcus threw a pick-6 early in the game, and LSU trailed 14-0 (14-3 vs. Auburn) and came back in the second half (mostly because of Addai) and won 24-21 (26-21 vs. Auburn) at Florida.
5) I love the trick play stuff. Onsides kick. Halfback pass. Keep 'em coming, Les.
6) At this point, I don't think LSU beats Georgia or Florida. But for now, I'm going to savor this one.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom looks out the window. "Crazy weather. Fucking squirrels don't know what to do."
Mom has been having constant pain in her neck. It's really giving her trouble. So, I give her a quick massage to work out the knots. "That's the spot. That's it. FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!"
PARTING SHOTS
We were all ready for the LSU-Auburn game.
D: I can't do nothing after 6:45.
Marcus: So what else is new?
Liam: What, you missed your nap?
D is reading about the 1958 LSU team.
D: I wonder what the difference between the White team and the Go team was?
Bake: The white team was slower and couldn't jump.
Retro quote: September 20, 2004
I'm watching an afternoon Cubs game in the girls dorm.
Me (to Mark Prior): Throw a breaking ball.
Kate: Is that where he throws it at his crotch?
THE DAILY TOP LIST
Sometimes (OK, a lot of times) I do things or stuff happens to me that even I'm not willing to admit. If these things are brought up by someone, I say: "No. That didn't happen." or "That never happened." I'll try to convince myself that they really didn't happen. I'll deny it to anyone who asks. Heck, I'm about to tell you my top five it-didn't-happen moments, and I will still deny, deny, deny if you ever bring it up. So don't even try.
5) I didn't cheat on a test in the seventh grade.
The math teacher was sick. The substitute leaves the room for like 15 minutes during the test. A few conversations start about how to do the problems. I help a few people. I get help on one problem. Somehow, the substitute finds out about the cheating and makes us retake the test. No one ever admitted to the cheating. Though everyone knew who did it. I didn't want to get into trouble, but since I was the smartest one, people were pissed that I wouldn't admit it.
Even some of the other teachers heard about it. I just kept denying it. Mainly because I didn't cheat. Nope. I didn't do that.
4) I didn't go to a Britney Spears concert. April 4, 2000.
Look, she was really popular. She was really hot. I liked her CDs. Paul and I went to the concert in the 10th grade. Want to fight about it? There were an awful lot of 13-year-olds in the house. Wait a second, I never went to a Britney Spears concert. What am I talking about? That was someone else. Nope. Didn't go.
3) I didn't miss out on a date because of a basketball game. March 22, 2003.
I had a date with a girl named Ashley. Hey, I just realized that I've blown it with two Ashleys. Maybe the third time will be the charm. I was supposed to meet her at the Palace for a movie and then who knows. However, I got caught up in the Gonzaga-Arizona second-round NCAA game. That was a classic. Double overtime. It's still one of the three best games I've ever seen. I figured I could be a little late. Well, she didn't. She left. I was not given another chance.
It's like I didn't know what a VCR was, right? Yeah, but watching classics live is something special. Of course, that didn't really happen. I was just kidding. Why would I skip a date? I wouldn't do that. You know what, I didn't. Never happened.
2) I didn't get my ass handed to me by a girl. September 15, 2004.
During Hurricane Ivan evacuation, we played some football in the yard. Everyone is having a good time. For some reason, we start playing tackle. Kaila challenges me to try to break her tackle. I'm not one to run over a girl, so I takes the ball and go half-hearted at her. In reality, I almost went full speed. She spears me and leaves me flat on my back staring up into an uncertain future (Happy now, Kaila?).
Jenna is talking about the incident the other day. I say that it never happened. Jenna: "Gene, she beat you up." No. No. No. I didn't still feel pain the next day. Nope. Trust me. I wasn't tackled by a girl.
1) I didn't get propositioned by a gay man in an e-mail. May 2004.
This gay guy was really into me. Boy, that was a poor choice of words. He sends me this e-mail about his love. Probably the creepiest thing ever. I saved it in my Loyola e-mail, but now I can't get into it because I don't know my password. Sorry. And no, I didn't respond.
Besides, what was there to respond to? No such e-mail was ever sent. I'm telling you. It wasn't.
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