THE GENE POOL MOVIE: PART II.

It's time for the second casting call of the future cult classic. Today we will be locking up all the parts for the first of two groups from Loyola: The Marooners in order of appearance (or in this case, order of when I met them). Get your notepads ready.

(Note: I should have mentioned this in the first installment, but I'm trying to pick people who still are alive. Also, age and appearance don't necessarily need to match.)

Little Joe: Seth Rogen. Rogen is all the rage in Hollywood these days. Little Joe is all the rage in Arkansas. He even got his picture taken with Miss Arkansas. Rogen gets high using drugs in his movies. Joe gets a high from interviewing all the fine locals for the newspaper. (That's a throwback picture. But it is one of my all-time favorites.) Runner-up: Lou Piniella. 

Bob: Ron Livingston. In Office Space, Livingston plays a laid back gangsta. Bob doesn't let the world around him rattle him. He keeps it on an even keel like Peter. On Sex and the City, Livingston plays an author. Bob once almost was hired to edit a book. Runner-up: The guy with the crazy hair on Lost. Both are compassionate souls.

 

Nick: David Strathairn (guy who plays Murrow in Good Night and Good Luck). Strathairn gave us a brilliant performance as one of the most revered newsman of all-time. Nick didn't back down from good old Bernie Mac (his nickname for school president Bernard Knoth). He didn't blink when threatened with expulsion for trying to gather information on the resignation. He also didn't back down when Officer Vi threatened to expel him for drinking on campus property. Mostly because he had graduated. Runner-up: The guy who does the Mac commercials.

Gillie: Lucy Liu. In Charlie's Angels, Liu's character kicks some serious ass (Or so I hear; I didn't see those movies. Honest.) Gillie, who became adept at kicking ass during our Peace Quad football league days, was this close to kicking the save-the-date guy's ass on Veterans. And call me racist, but I couldn't think of another Asian actress. Runner-up: Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa.

Lisa: Natalie Portman. Both are small and pretty. Portman's character in Star Wars is much younger than her. Lisa still will be carded at bars (to get in, anyway) when she's approaching retirement. Portman plays a queen in Star Wars. You don't think Lisa moved to D.C. just for some journalism job, do you? No truth to the rumor that Lisa will give birth to her first child in a Wal-Mart. Runner-up: That girl who plays Juno.

Chuck: Tony Hale (who plays Buster on Arrested Development). Chuck resembles Buster so much that he made his profile picture on facebook a picture of Buster for a long time. No one noticed the difference. Both know how to make wearing glasses attractive. Runner-up: Seth Rogen pulling double duty. After all, Chuck and Little Joe are frat brothers.

Danny: Robert Redford. Both are sophisticated gentleman. Redford potrayed Bob Woodward in All the President's Men. Woodward happens to be Danny's hero. Redford would barely have to change his approach to do this role. Runner-up: Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy. 

 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom asked me if I had watched the SNL with Michael Phelps yet. I said I was waiting to watch it with her. "The first thing I heard when I turned on the fucking radio in the car was the opening sketch. So then I had to watch it. She's (Tina Fey) fucking hilarious."

Mom is watching the season finale of Desperate Housewives to get ready for the season premiere Sunday. The ending confused her back in May and again Monday. "What the fuck? That doesn't make any fucking sense."

Mom hears the rain starting outside. "Fucking rain. It's supposed to be raining all fucking day."

Mom is not happy about the way I open the mirror thingy in the bathroom. Apparently, I've been leaving my prints on the mirror. "It took me 10 minutes to get the fucking smudges out. And now they're back again. I don't know why I waste my fucking time."

Mom is doing something in the kitchen. "I'm the fucking Engergizer bunny. I keep going and going and going."

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know there is no smoking in the Superdome? It's true. And they're not bashful of letting you know the rule. A sign like this one can be seen in the corridor of the Superdome at every turn. So you see it about 200 times while walking to your seat and out the building. These numerous signs are necessary, though. Otherwise, I would just assume I could smoke in this public place. I also like that they tell you on the sign twice. 

Did you know that the Superdome is a smoke-free facility? At first I didn't. The No Smoking and two crossed-out cigarettes weren't enough for me to figure it out. I needed that second statement for it to get through my thick skull. How many people do you think have actually been ejected from the Dome for smoking? I'm thinking none.

At least none of the words are spelled incorrectly. 

WOLFPACK IN DA HOUSE!

Here's a picture I took at Rocco's last Tuesday. The guy in the center is wearing an NWO red and black T-shirt. That's a wrestling shirt, folks. And I thought the last time this shirt was seen being worn anywhere was in 1999. Apparently, this guy is still rockin' it. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that thing. I thought about throwing up the hand signal at him, but I didn't. 

PARTING SHOTS: RETRO EDITION!

I told you I would start using retro quotes from when I kept a quote book in 2004. I forgot about it though until Sunday. Let's start using it, shall we? Here's a few of the ones I missed.

Sept. 2, 2004

Me: Amanda, I can't believe you don't know Amy.

Brian: Yeah. Come on. Greek Amy.

Amanda: Well, what sorority is she in?

Gene: No, no. Actually Greek. No sorority.

Amanda. Oh.

Sept. 4, 2004

Jelly: If you don't stop it Pierce, I'm going to come to your house next week and sit with you on your couch and nag you during a USC game.

Christian: Sounds like a good night for you, Pierce.

Brick: Now, I want to read that TV column.

Sept. 9, 2004

Nick: Where does she get all those Kaila quotes?

Jenna: From her Kaila head.

Sept. 10, 2004. 

Maroon lede: Award-winning author Jonathan Kozol has more than 40 years of experience in public education behind his belt.

Little Joe: So, we know he has a huge cock.

Sept. 11, 2004

Robbie: You should come hunting with me soon.

Me: Yeah. I don't know think hunting is in me.

Robbie: You don't know if it's in you until you try it.

Me: That's what a gay guy told me last week at Decadence.

(I didn't actually go. It was just a joke.)

Sept. 14, 2004 (on evacuating for Ivan)

Kaila: We'll leave in the morning (as opposed to the dark of night). That way Jenna won't be so fearful.

Jenna: I'm not that fearful (of Ivan).

Kaila. No. I meant of my driving, not the storm.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five Joe Pesci films.

5) Lethal Weapons 2-4. 1989. 1992. 1998.

Without Pesci, the Lethal Weapon sequels would have been missing something. They would have been just trying to fuck us out of our money for going to see them.

4) With Honors. 1994.

A classic bathroom scene.

3) Goodfellas. 1990.

Poor guy thought he had it made.

2) Home Alone. 1990.

This is probably the movie I've seen the second most all-time. Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes.

1) My Cousin Vinny. 1992.

My all-time favorite movie. I have not watched it in 2008. That needs to be corrected. And fast.