INSTANT KARMA IS GOING TO GET YOU

When I first heard about 3 Doors Down going on tour, I got excited. I was sad to learn, however, the closest stop was Lafayette. I decided against going. Who would go to Lafayette with me, anyway? Add the price of the ticket plus the gas. That's a little pricey. Paul (not a 3 Doors Down fan) tells me he wants to go about five weeks after tickets went on sale. He wants to see the opening bands (Hinder, Finger Eleven). After some convincing, I buy two tickets.

The concert was Tuesday at 6:30 p.m., and Paul and I set off on our adventure to Lafayette at about 3 p.m. I was super excited about the concert. 3DD is my favorite band, and the new album kicked more ass than I could hope for. Mom sees me gathering my water bottle, camera, notepad and Ric Flair book for the trip. "Where you going to put all that fucking stuff?"

We stop at this Shell in Gonzales for Paul to get an energy drink. He's been working 6-7 days a week and not sleeping much. While Paul is standing in line, I decide to go to the bathroom. As we are leaving the convenience store, the store clerk tells the next customer. "Did you hear about last Friday? (No.) We had a shootout here. Those guys were shooting back and forth at each other. One got away. They found his gun under the Shell sign." Under the Shell sign? What he do? Place it on the concrete block? 

We get to the car. The window is down. The keys are in the ignition. Paul asks why I left the keys in the ignition when I went inside. I respond: "It's not like anything bad ever happens here."
Since we are ahead of schedule (plus I don't care about seeing the opening bands), I suggest to Paul we stop in Baton Rouge to say hello to the kiddies. Paul knocks on the door for about a minute with no answer, so he just goes inside. Allen, Jacob and Bert were all in their rooms with the doors closed. Probably doing homework. None of us are too good at locking doors.

I hadn't really talked to these people since the storm (that's the first time I've ever called something besides Katrina: the storm). Jacob tells me that Grendel is alive. His hamster, which disappeared after the power went out during the storm, was found by the people downstairs in a nook nine days later. Grendel was malnourished, dehydrated and had a bad wheel (that's a pun). But he made it. He has since returned to health. I told Jacob: "It's a Gustav miracle."

Paul and I discuss our Kelly situation with Bert. We really pissed her off the other day when she found out we were going to the concert. She couldn't believe she wasn't invited. She called both of us Sunday night and yelled at us for a good while. I tried to explain to her (and Bert on Tuesday) that I didn't decide to go until a few weeks before the storm. At that point, I hadn't talked to Kelly in like a month. I knew she was a fan, but I just didn't think to ask her. That's probably what upset her. We're supposed to be close friends and yet I didn't think of her. 

The not-inviting-Kelly conversation put us behind schedule. We didn't get to the Cajundome until 6:45 p.m. Darn. I might miss Hinder. I didn't miss Hinder, though. In fact, we were early. About a month or so early. What is The Gene Pool talking about, you ask? Oh, the concert was called off. Yup. We drove two and a half hours to a concert that wasn't going down. The same two idiots that once went to the N.O. Arena when the concert was at the Municipal Auditorium have now gone to a postponed concert. I think we can call this a pattern of moronicness. 

Our initial reaction to realizing the concert wasn't happening was to ROFL. Paul pulled over to the side of the road and fell out of his car laughing. My second reaction was to be sad about not seeing my favorite band. My third reaction was that that bitch karma had come back to bite us on the behind for not inviting Kelly. 
The official announcement in lights. It said over several slides: 3 Doors Down / Concert Postponed / Future date to be / Announced. I tried to take a picture of the CONCERT POSTPONED part, but I couldn't time it right with my camera. On both tries, I got this shot. I realized what I was doing wrong, but Paul didn't want to sit there and wait for the announcement to come back around among the other events advertised for the Cajundome. Besides his car was about to get rammed in the back. We were in the middle of the street.

Honestly, I thought about the possibility of the concert being cancelled about halfway to Baton Rouge. I swear. I thought maybe Gustav or Ike did some damage to the building. Or just to be cautious, 3DD put it off for a month. I didn't say anything to Paul. If I had, he wouldn't have fell out the car laughing. He would have been half-expecting it. 

Paul thinks we're not idiots for this blunder. He's convinced there had to be a good number of other people who made the same mistake. In our defense: 1) We don't live in Lafayette. I'm sure it was all over the radio and paper there. 2) I didn't get an e-mail from Ticketmaster because I bought the tickets at Major Video. 3) I didn't hear about the postponing from anyone. In fact, I told several people I was going. They didn't say anything. Kelly didn't know either. I could have checked the band's Web site to make sure. But, who does that?

 

The empty parking lot at the Cajundome was our first tip that the concert was a no-go. We stopped back at Bert's apartment to hang out. I checked the 3 Doors Down Web site to get information on the postponement and the possible make-up date. The concert was not canceled because of Gustav or Ike. Good. I felt like less of an idiot. The actual reason was that Brad Arnold was told by doctors not to sing for a few weeks to rest his vocal chords. The announcement was made Sept. 10, and the rest of the month of shows also was wiped away. No new dates have been set yet. I hope I'm off work. 

To cure our sad feelings about the concert, Paul and I did the only thing you can do in this situation: We went to Outback Steakhouse. Halfway through the sirloin, I felt a little better. But in the end, I still went to a not-happening concert. There's no coming back from that. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom watched the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars on Monday Night. Here are her thoughts on the first episode.

"What a crew. What a fucking crew. Cloris Leachman is a fucking joke. An 80-year-old on fucking Dancing with the Stars. Fucking joke."

"Did you know that Brook Burke has four fucking kids?"

Mom also watched the season premiere of CSI:Miami. "Anyone who is a fucking fan is gonna watch. It was a fucking setup (the shooting of Horacio, I think). I was so disappointed."

I tell her I'm excited to watch the first episode of Heroes. She's still thinking about CSI:Miami. "I hope you're not disappointed. They have all this fucking build up for the fucking new season. And then it sucks."

Cox on Demand was acting up again. "Son of a bitch. We can't go one month without fucking problems." Mom calls Cox and gets the problem solved. "Seems like I got someone who knew what the fuck they were doing. But it's ridiculous. Every two or three weeks it doesn't fucking work."

Mom walks by my bathroom and sees towels on the floor. "Jesus Fucking Christ.  I'm raising a fucking 2-year-old."

I ask mom if lunch is ready. "Fuck you, Gene. How's that for an answer?"

Mom takes a bite of her own cake. "This fucking cake is so good. Better than the fucking bakery."

HE SAID WHAT?

On the way to the concert, Paul and I are discussing TV shows. Shocking, I know. He tells me that he counts hour-long episodes as two because they are twice as long as 30-minute shows. I tell him that the hour-long episodes are a little less than twice as long. He then says, "Well, there are a lot more 30-minute shows than hour shows, so that's why I count hour shows as two episodes." Come again. That's what she said.

I tell him that he is way off. There are definitely more hour-long shows. So he starts listing all the 30-minute shows. He refers to CBS on Mondays and NBC on Thursdays. I count what I know of Monday's lineup and get 7-5 in favor of hour-long shows. He counters with, "Well, you have to count all the game shows." Um, from the game shows I can name, it's pretty even. He doesn't believe me. Next came the best part. "What about soap operas? There's a lot of soap operas." OK. Out of the eight soap operas in the U.S., one is half an hour. 

Paul: "You know somebody has probably already counted this. We can just look it up to see which has more." I'm sure he already has forgotten about that statement, but not me. I looked this up. I didn't find a site with the count, but I went through all the shows in the primetime TV lineup for the Fall season. The count: 68-22 in favor of hour-long shows. And that doesn't count cable, which I'm sure would make this an even bigger blowout. Plus, four of the 22 half-hour shows are animated. Are we even counting those?

The moral of the story is this: Don't argue with me about TV.

FANTASY FEVER

I suffered my first loss of the fantasy season in Week 3. Dos Agateers took it on the chin. Our best player Brian Westbrook left his game early with an injury. So, it was pretty much over right there. We picked up the wrong quarterback to replace Tom Brady. We got Matt Cassel instead of Jason Campbell. Oops. Plus, we played against Michael Turner. Oh well. We're still 2-1, and Westbrook should be OK.

The Gene Poolers, on the other hand, are barreling through the competition like Sonic the Hedgehog. I won this week by 85 points to improve to 3-0. I have the most points in the league. What I thought was the weakest part of my team (wide receivers) has become the strength of my team. Santana Moos (No. 1 receiver in my league), Greg Jennings and Roddy White? I wasn't expecting this much production.

PARTING SHOTS

Paul has an extra ticket to the 49ers game. His first option to take is Michelle (they've been on three dates). His second option is Jacob, whose birthday is Monday. Somehow, I'm third. But that's not the point.

Paul (to Jacob): You're No. 2.

Me (to Jacob): It's your birthday. I think you should be No. 1.

Jacob: I think I should be too.

Paul: That's what you are. No. 2.

Jacob: No. I want to be No. 1.

Paul: You said you wanted to be two.

Jacob: No. I said I should be one too. T-O-O.

Retro quote: September 23, 2004

My boss Billy Turner is talking about covering prep volleyball games for the first time. I should also mention that sometime after this quote, he became a reverend.  

"Well, I did play volleyball when I was in college in Reno. But unlike that game, I was surprised to learn that in high school games, you're not allowed to have alcohol on the court."

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five orders at a restaurant. 

5) Cheddar cheese burger with fries.

Thick and juicy. Well.

4) Chicken fingers with fries.

Been hanging with this order since I was like 6.

3) Veal parmesan.

Baby cow is some good.

2) Seafood platter. 

Boiled shrimp. Fried shrimp. Catfish. Crabs.

1) Steak. 

Sirloin or rib eye.  Filet mignon on special occasions.