I HOPE THIS DOESN'T COME BACK TO BITE ME IN THE ASS

Two weeks ago I met a girl named Ashley after the Molly's concert. I blew it and didn't get her number. After doing some research, I found her on facebook and requested to be her friend, hoping for a second chance. By last Tuesday, I had given up on her accepting and posted an entry detailing our now infamous encounter.

I also posted a poll asking you the reader if you thought I should send her a link to the entry. In a tight race, No. Don't send the link won 8-7. That was close. I would have done it too. I am here to serve you.

When I got to work last Friday for the first big prep night of the year, I checked my e-mail before the party got started. In my inbox is a message from facebook saying that Ashley accepted me as a friend on Thursday evening. Holy Moses. I grab Lopez by the arm as he's walking by to tell him. He stays, and we glance over Ashley's profile. She likes Scrubs. I like Scrubs. She likes Journey. I like Journey. She has a boyfriend. I have ... Wait a second.

I was reading her movies, music and TV shows. Lopes' eyes went straight to the relationship status. He puts his finger on the screen by her status. "That's not good." And he walks off back to his desk. That was a shot to the gonads. As I'm trying to recover, Marcus yells out, "All right. Meeting in the conference room. Everyone. Let's go."

I had to see him, so after the meeting, I click on Ashley's photos to get a look at the boyfriend. I got a disturbing look. If that dude ain't gay, I'm not a sports fan. Lopes and Liam both agree. He looks like D.J. Qualls (nerdy kid in Road Trip). It appears the relationship has been going for at least three years. He graduated from Nicholls. Don't know where he currently resides. But it seems like a long-distance relationship. Lopes: "Dude, you got this. That is a fake relationship. He is a fake boyfriend. He ain't real. She's looking for something better." Perhaps Lopes is right, I thought. After all, she didn't mention a boyfriend in our conversation.

I sent her a facebook message. Later I thought maybe he is gay, and the relationship status was a playful joke between friends. Like Ha. Ha. You're gay, but this says we're in a relationship. My message read like this: "Hey, it was nice to meet you last Friday at the Molly concert. Unfortunately, our conversation got cut short. If you would like to continue our talk (which I thought was going well), let me know." I couldn't think of a joke to throw in there. Perhaps I should have taken lessons from Dmitri, right Chuck?

I'm posting this entry because she has not responded. I figure no response after six days means to get lost. Paul says I should wait until mid-October because you never know. OK, buddy. But what if she hasn't noticed the message yet, sees it in the next few days and responds positively to it? Then she happens to read through my profile. You can link to this site through my facebook profile. Wouldn't that be some shit?

Seriously, though. She had to know that by accepting me as a friend on facebook that she would then be receiving a message from me. Right? Why accept me as a friend if you don't plan to respond to my message to continue our talk? I just don't get it. Might as well not have friended me at all.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is discussing House with me. We didn't watch it together. "What was with the fucking PI? He was listening in on House? What was the fucking diagnosis? It wasn't really her brain?"

Mom and I went to Best Buy and Wendy's on Thursday afternoon.

We walk outside. Mom sees a page of a newspaper floating in the wind. "Look at the fucking newspaper."

We get in the car. "Fucking September. It's not supposed to be this hot. At least it's cool in the morning."

We are driving down our street. "See that house. Those are the windows (shutter) I wanted. Then I could just roll down the motherfucker."

Mom talks about CBS comedies. On New Adventures of Old Christine: "Fucking Christine is hilarious." On Two and a Half Men: "I laughed when I saw the kid. Looked just like fucking Charlie." (On a side note, they should change the name of that show to Two and 3/4 Men.)

Mom sees a big white bus at K-Mart. "What's a fucking bus doing here? Dropping off shoppers?"

Mom sees a full parking lot at Best Buy. "What the fuck are they giving away?"

Mom is upset that seasons 2 and 3 of Two and a Half Men aren't on sale. "They're not on fucking sale."

On the way home from Wendy's, mom recalls watching 24 for the first time. "I was like fucking shaking. I needed a Xanax."

Back at home, mom is talking about the clerk in Belle Chasse who got caught stealing a winning lottery ticket from a customer. "Fucking clerk. How you think you get away with that? Stealing some one's fucking lottery ticket."

Mom tells me ER is in its 15th season. Damn. "Fifteen fucking years. Jesus."

I ask mom how she feels about the Marinello trial getting pushed back. "That motherfucker. It just keeps getting pushed back until he fucking dies or gets off. Killed that poor fucking woman. Left the child motherless. Fucking old fart."

I'm taping the season premiere of My Name is Earl. I start the recording on the DVR one minute early. "You don't think it's going to fucking start on time?"

INJURIES IS PRONOUNCED IN-JRIES

The injuries have been piling up for the Saints. Lopes and I (mostly Lopes) did a chart in Tuesday's paper of all the Saints who have been hurt this season. We had 22 people in the chart. The Saints have 14 players on the injury report this week. I can't take it no more. Just like this month three years ago, I've been singing Green Day's "Wake Me Up When September Ends." On Thursday, however, I got an idea to change up the words. Hit it, Billy Joe.

Deuce and McKenzie first (Summer has come and passed)
Training camp became a curse (The innocent can never last)
Wake me up when the injuries end

Against Tampa the bug bum (Like my fathers come to pass)
Got to Colston in his thumb (Seven years has gone so fast)
Wake me up when the injuries end

Hamstrings and groins again (Here comes the rain again)
Falling in two games (Falling from the stars)
Shockey's got pain again (Drenched in my pain again)
Rehabbing bloody shame (Becoming who we are)

As the season moves on (As my memory rests)
We'll get better and never quit (But never forgets what I lost)
Wake me up when the injuries end

(Bridge)
(First verse repeat)

The biggest loss so far (Ring out the bells again)
Scott Fujita is a star (Like we did when spring began)
Wake me up when the injuries end

(Repeat third verse)
(Repeat fourth verse)
(Bridge)
(Repeat first verse)
(Repeat second verse)
(Repeat song title two more times)

BOLD PREDICTION OF THE WEEK

This week's craziness comes from the mouth of Derry. "You heard it hear first. Florida is going undefeated." For clarification, that includes the SEC and BCS title games.

PARTING SHOTS
Lopes calls the guy from Venice to do the fishing report.

Venice guy: The wind has been blowing like a porn star.

Oregon State is beating Southern Cal 14-0.

Liam: Man, they are taking it to them.
D: The Beavers. They busy.

Derry is doing the baseball roundup.

Derry: Jon Lester flirted with a no-hitter.
Brick: Does his wife know?

Retro quote: September 25, 2004
It's a crazy night in prep sports.

Christian: Shams is running a tight ship over there.
Tommy: That's the problem. He can't even fit on it.

THE DAILY TOP LIST
The top five shows I refuse to watch. No offense if you watch these.

5) Desperate Housewives.
OK, maybe if the TV is on mute.

4) Ugly Betty.
I've heard great things about this show. It is, however, a chick show. Call me jealous. But in its first season, it was beating The Office in ratings. I won't stand for that kind of behavior.

3) Any reality show.
I hate 'em. I hate 'em. I hate 'em.

2) Grey's Anatomy.
Paul said he heard so many girls blabbering on about this show that he just assumes every girl watches it. I give brownie points for the girls that don't.

1) The Oprah Winfrey Show.
Just because Oprah says to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it. (Bubbles bursting.)