TASTE THE RAINBOW OF FRUIT FLAVOR

The sports department has been taking advantage of the five cent Skittles in the vending machine. The cheap candy has been such a big hit, I put a nickel into the machine Saturday night and hit the button on all the other items to see if something else was also five cents. No dice.

We recently figured out that you don't have to put a dollar in the machine to buy the Skittles. You just need a nickel. If you type F4 without putting any money in, the machine says .05. Still, I like inserting a dollar bill and listening to the 95 cents of change clang into the return slot.

This magic price probably will come to an end one day. The vendor has to realize he's losing money at some point, right? Some Good Samaritan might report the error. If so, he'll get a lot of nasty notes from sports. 

I've had about 10 bags this week. And I have two leftover bags sitting in my room. Liam thinks this might be a reverse blessing in disguise, and the Skittles will give us all diabetes. Hmmm.

I do fear it's becoming a drug to us. Trust me, it's tough to resist a snack for five cents when 

every candy bar in the machine is a buck. I can bring a dollar to the vending machines and come back with a coke and eight bags of Skittles. I even used the power of the five-cent Skittles to cheer up Jelly. She was frustrated Friday night (this is captured at right), so I collected some change and went downstairs. I returned from my journey a hero, much like Julius Caesar in his day, with four bags of Skittles that the department split. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I threw out some old bananas last night. I should not have done that. "It's like throwing fucking milk in the garbage."

Dad put the Clarion Herald from last week in our paper. She tells me this when I wake up Saturday. "I was like 'What the fuck is this doing in here?' "

Mom tells me a Sex & the City sequel is in the works. She isn't too keen on the idea. "They (Big and Carrie) can't have no fucking kids. Carrie is in her 40s."

Mom and I are watching Olympic beach volleyball with our Chinese food. It was just a coincidence that we had Chinese food. A U.S. team is taking on a team from Latvia. "Latvia? Where the fuck is that?"

Terminix came out the other day. Since it has been seven years since they started spraying, we had to pay a lot more this time for them to change up the spray. They have to come back out at a later date to finish the job. Today, we got a bill from Terminix saying we didn't pay the usual fee and must pay it now. "They're clueless, huh? It's fucking bizarre."

Mom throws my fortune cookie to me from across the room. She makes a nice throw, and I tell her that. "No shit, it was a nice throw. You think I'm a weakling?"

THAT'S NOT A GOOD SIGN

The T-P cleaning crew was at again this weekend. The crew cleaned the floor Saturday afternoon. As usual, they left a note warning employees about hazardous materials on the floor. Oh, and they botched the note again. At first, I thought they had navigated a simple note 

without making a mistake. Then I read the end.

Apparently, they really wanted me to know that I couldn't walk in the area during the period from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. What is wrong with these people that they can't write a simple sign correctly? Is it in their contract to mess up these signs to keep us copy editors on our toes? Next time they screw up a sign, I'm complaining next time.

AM I THE NEXT WEIRD AL?

I was talking with my friend Kelly about the song, "I Kissed a Girl." We both agreed that the song has a good beat but that the content is cheap. Katy Perry, a somewhat attractive girl, sings about kissing a girl. What a cheap way to get famous. I can't sing along anyway. People will make gay jokes. Whenever I like the beat of a song but not the words, I change the lyrics so I can still listen. (i.e. Sweet Home Harahan instead of Sweet Home Alabama.) Here's my new song: I Played the Wii (with original lyrics in parentheses).

I didn't see this going down (This was never the way I planned)

I didn't want one (Not my intention)

My mom bought it, brought it home (I got so brave, drink in hand)

Put on the wrist strap (Lost my discretion)

I'm not used to the remote (It's not what, I'm used to)

Just want to play some games (Just wanna try you on)

I told my mom let's play (I'm curious for you)

We clicked A & B (Caught my attention)

I played the Wii, and I liked it (I kissed a girl, and I liked it)

The feel of its white remote (The taste of her cherry chap stick)

I played the Wii just to try it (I kissed a girl just to try it)

I hope my Playstation don't mind it (I hope my boyfriend don't mind it)

It felt so good (It felt so wrong)

It felt so tight (It felt so right)

Don't mean I'll play it all night (Don't mean I'm in love tonight)

I played the Wii, and I liked it (I kissed a girl, and I liked it)

I liked it (I liked it)

Let me tell you about Wii tennis (No, I don't even know your name)

Swinging at the ball (It doesn't matter,)

It's my family's favorite game (You're my experimental game)

We are competitive (Just human nature,)

At first I (It's not what,)

Kicked mom's ass (Good girls do)

Not much more after that (Not how they should behave)

My head hurts cuz she beat (My head gets so confused)

Me so badly (Hard to obey)

Chorus

The Wii, it is so wonderful (Us girls, we are so magical)

Wii World, Wii Play, soon Wii Fitness (Soft skin, red lips, so kissable)

Always playing, so addicting (Hard to resist, so touchable)

Too fun to click quit (Too good to deny it)

Mom's little Mii, it's so like her (Ain't no big deal, it's innocent)

Chorus

A BLOW JOB ON AIRLINE IS ONLY 20 BUCKS

http://www.nola.com/timespic/stories/index.ssf?/base/news-30/121825984161650.xml&coll=1

In case you didn't click on this link, a 27-year-old male was arrested for having sex with the family pit bull, Sissy. He allegedly did this twice. The kicker: His mom reported him.

This shit is freaky. Sure, the guy was probably lonely and longed for a companion. That's what hookers are for. Maybe he just needed to get off, and the dog seemed convenient. That's what the Internet is for. I guess it's possible he felt love for the dog. That's what a psychiatrist is for.

PARTING SHOTS

Derry tells me that his wife likes the site.

Derry: My wife is so into it. I'm trying to watch the Cubs game, and she's reading the damn Gene Pool.

Liam calls Bud's to place an order for the group. He asks the lady on the phone for the total.

Bud's worker: Baby, I'll give it to you when you get here.

Liam: OK. How long will it be?

Bud's worker: About 10, 15 ... 20, 25 minutes."

Michael Phelps wins his first gold medal.

Mom: Go. Go. Go. ... Go Michael. Go Michael. Go. Yahhhh!.

Derry: If Gene were a world class swimmer, they could never show his mom on TV.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

The Saints preseason game Thursday has me in the mood for football. Here are my top 5 Saints moments.

5) The River City Relay vs. Jaguars. December 21, 2003.

Saw this one at the Fox & Hound with Bert and Paul. Bert was the dude in the group (and I'm sure there was one with you too) who said, "Yeah, well watch Carney miss the extra point." I threw a salt shaker at him.

4) Saints start 7-0 in 1991.

I got a Cha-Ching T-shirt for Christmas.

3) Finally! Saints win first playoff game vs. Rams. December 30, 2000.

Hakim dropped the ball! Hakim dropped the ball! Finer words have never been screamed.

2) Saints pluck Falcons in Dome return. September 25, 2006.

We had one hell of a party in the office for this one. Who could ever forget the blocked punt?

1) Saints beat Eagles, advance to NFC championship. January 13, 2007.

I had a few tears running down my face for this one. I still have this text message from Bert at 10:20 p.m.: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!