ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

I missed a call from Greg today a little before 2 p.m. I call him back, and he delivers the most shocking news I've heard in some time: My friend Amy is engaged. He saw it on her facebook relationship status. I suggest it could be a gag, but he says all kind of people are congratulating her on her facebook wall. I'm flabbergasted. Amy just got back from being in Greece for six weeks. She had no boyfriend when she left. She never posted a facebook status saying she even had a boyfriend. So at this point, I know it happened in Greece.

I go on facebook and read the status and the messages. She even posted that it wasn't a joke and that she is, in fact, engaged. This means that three of my gal pals are now engaged.

(Above and to the right, Amy in the winning costume from my come-as-your-favorite-NBC-character birthday party last year. She came as the Biggest Loser.)

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I tell my mom we are going to host a pool party in a few weeks. That reminds her of the recent rain. "The fucking rainwater messed with my chemicals." Don't worry, we'll put new ones in before the party.

Mom and I played some Wii play today. I kicked her ass in the shooting range, air hockey and ping pong. She got the best of me in pool. But she messed up her break shot. "Fuck. The ball barely fucking moved."

The TV had a momentary glitch. Mom yelled: "What the fuck?" She also is unhappy with the guide on digital cable because it doesn't give you any details on movies. "They don't give you the courtesy of a fucking description. At least give me the main two actors and the year."

I tell mom about Amy's engagement. She recalls her wedding. "I planned mine for January thinking it would be cold. I was wrong. It was fucking hot."

GREG GOES ALL PROTECTIVE ON OTHER GREG'S ASS

I called Greg to see if he can switch his work schedule to make the big Yat Together two-year anniversary bash Wednesday night. He tells me he'll try and fills me in on some details

from Tuesday night with Jessica. He said the night ended well (which probably means a little makeout action).

The kicker is that he had to have some words with the other Greg who also has a crush on Jessica. Greg noticed that when he took his turn in pool, other Greg was trying to sweet talk Jessica. He looks over after one of his shots and sees that other Greg has both of his hands on Jessica's lower hips. Greg wasn't standing for that. He yells: "What the fuck you think you're doing? Take your fucking hands off her."

Other Greg then pretended like he wasn't doing anything and played dumb. But he didn't go near Jessica the rest of the night. Good for Greg. I think. Not like it's going to get him anywhere.

IT WAS ALMOST AN ACCIDENT

On the way to work today, I almost smashed into another car. I'm turning, in the turning lane, off River Road onto Shrewsberry (spelling) by the Rivershack Tavern. As I'm making the turn, a car, not in the turning lane on River Road, decides to make the turn at the last minute. The car then decides it didn't want to turn off River Road and immediately starts to turn back to River Road.

I slam my brakes as she swoops around me, and I miss by a few feet. The 40-something-year-old lady in the bright yellow Mustang had a combination look on her face that said: That was close, and that was a really dumb move by me.

Here's my question: If I smack into her car as she is turning back to River Road, am I at fault? Do I get the ticket? I don't know how these things work. I mean it's definitely her fault, but I would have been the one doing the smashing.

Marcus doesn't let evacuation time go to waste. Way to set an example, Big Guy.

ATTENTION. ATTENTION. AN EMERGENCY HAS BEEN REPORTED IN THIS BUILDING.

That was the sound that came from the PA system at work at 9:15 on Saturday night. It repeated about seven or eight times. We all leave the building (as you can see at right) and are waiting around outside. Marcus, not letting this "emergency" make him lose work time, brings down a page to proof. I take this picture of him (hopefully, he laughs at this because he thought it was hilarious that I got a pic of JRap) and show it on my camera to Jelly. As I'm showing it, we hear this conversation.

Derry: Liam, whose voice do you think is saying (the warning)?
Liam: Some sexy black guy.

Thus, Marcus' new nickname is SSBG. This also could be the name of a ship: The SS Black Guy.

BY THE MOVIE NUMBERS

I pay a good amount of attention to how well movies do at the box office. Not as much as Paul (who checks the money totals daily). But a good amount. I did some quick research, and I'm here to bring it to you now. I don't think you could read this anywhere else.

In the history of the box office, 29 movies have made more than 300 million in the U.S. Of those, 20 have been since 2001. 1994, the greatest movie year of my time, is the only year before 2001 with two such movies (Forrest Gump and the Lion King.) Here's a breakdown of the 300 million movies since 2001.

2001: 2. 2002: 3. 2003: 3. 2004: 3.

2005. 1. 2006. 1. 2007: 4. 2008: 3.

So 2007 had the most (the third Shrek, the third Spider-Man, the third Pirates and Transformers). I don't think there's another movie out there this year that can make 300 million, except the Harry Potter film.

I ALWAYS FORGET THE LYRICS. SORRY, WAYNE BRADY

I had one line from a song stuck in my head all day. I kept singing it at home. I ask my mom if she can name that song. She can't. I tell her the song. She informs me I'm singing the wrong words. There's a shock.

I was singing: Ricky plays the mamba. From Starship's We Built this City. Apparently, it's Marconi plays the mamba. Whoever Marconi is. Then, I wondered why I was saying Ricky because it sounds nothing like Marconi. It's probably in reference to Ricky Ricardo. Of course, he played the conga drums. Oh, what the heck. I'm sticking with Ricky. Has a better ring.

PARTING SHOTS

Jelly and Liam are discussing the WNBA being off until August 28. The other day they didn't realize it was because of the Olympic break. Now they do.

Me: What else could it be? Too many of them got pregnant?

(A little insensitive yes. But WNBA jokes are fun. It's not like any of you are watching the games.)

I don't know the context of this next one, but Jelly thought it was hysterical, as you can see at right.

Derry: Saturday nights: Time to wash the poodle.
(Just say this line to Jelly. She'll start cracking up.)

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top seven personal sports accomplishments. Yeah, I was that good.

7) I bowled a 246 (if you count bowling as a sport).

Thus the 246 in hattrick246.

6) I made a diving catch on concrete playing Wiffle ball.

It was at Loyola. I made a mad dash to the ball and laid out on the sidewalk. I slid across the concrete and caught the ball with my right hand just into the grass on the other side of the sidewalk. Was there blood on my arms? A little. But it was worth it.

5) I won the 1996 East Bank 3-point shooting contest.

4) I scored the most points in Harahan history for a 6-8 year old.

This may have been broken by now. But unlikely.

3) My flag football team the Slackers won the Loyola title.

I was chosen the league's Most Valuable Defensive Player. In one game, I had four interceptions. The winning shirt at right.

2) I had the winning assist in the 11-12 year old Parish soccer tournament.

The banner for our team still hangs in the Cleary gym. We won the title game 2-1. I was in the TP's Players of the Week during the regular season at Cleary. I had 15 goals in the league. There were six games, and we lost one of them 1-0.

1) At St. Christopher, we won the jr. varsity city flag football title.
I had an interception in the end zone in the championship. In the quarterfinals, the score was tied at 12 in the fourth quarter. I then intercepted two consecutive passes and took them to the house for a 25-12 lead. I was in the T-P's Players of the Week after the victory.

The bottom pic is for the 15 goals in the season at Cleary. The top is for the flag football interceptions. These were both in 1996. I don't think too many kids have been featured in Players of the Week twice in the same year.