THE GENE POOL PRESENTS A POOL PARTY AT THE GENE POOL

My mom and I co-hosted a summer swimming party Friday night. When I told my mom that Gillie's birthday is Sunday, the party instantly turned into a swimming/birthday party. We already had a cake. Mom always bakes a cake when people come over. She got three candles and stuck them in. After we ate some hot dogs and snacks, we performed a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday."

Gillie leaves the patio area while I'm discussing my Office character comparisons from last week. I tell the group that comparing Minkus to Dwight was the easiest one because they are both so creepy. I mention that Minkus once went into Gill's dorm room and tried to steal her picture. Bob, thinking I'm talking about the Minkus in Boy Meets World and not my friend, says: "Who's Gill?" A couple of us point at the empty seat, and then we make how-can-you-not-know-Gill-she's-been-sitting-right-there jokes. Plus, Bob has known her for like six years. He then realizes I meant my friend Minkus.

Before we jump into the Gene Pool after eating, we went inside to watch Michael go after gold medal No. 7 in these Olympics. To me, it doesn't look like he won, but I won't argue with the censors. Though it is the most tainted record-tying performance since Peyton Manning used a shovel pass for his 48th touchdown in 2004 to tie Dan's record set in 1984. Look, I know the word pass is in the description, but that, my friends, is a running play. The only difference: Instead of handing it off, you flip the ball to the running back. I will forever maintain he threw 48 touchdowns that season. Anyway, Deborah's open-mouthed, frozen reaction to the seventh gold was priceless. And I was glad someone told his sister to wear pants.

We then headed outside, and the Gene Pool party officially got underway. When all was said and done, the party was declared a success. Nothing too exciting happened (although Bob did try to kill me when I was seeing how long I could hold my breath underwater), but everyone seemed to have a nice, relaxing time (at right: My three favorite New Orleans ladies; more on them tomorrow). Also of note:

1) I did try to do the worm underwater, but that didn't work out too well. I floated too quickly to the surface.
2) Paul didn't swim. He sat back on the deck and chilled. He had such a good time he fell asleep for a solid thirty minutes. I think Chuck got a picture, but by the time I told my mom to bring the camera outside for me to get a photo of Sleeping Beauty, the son of a gun came to.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I walk into the living room Friday afternoon, and mom greets me with: "I go out there to do a final cleanup, and it (the rain) fucking starts."

Chuck and Bob arrive to the pool party first. We're discussing the blog when mom comes into the conversation. "Ya'll not reading that shit, are ya'll?" (Chuck was overjoyed to be the first reader to witness a Tina curse. To his and Bob's credit, they kept their mouths shut about the TCC. Thanks, guys.)

I walk out to the patio, and mom is listening to the radio. "Mama said knock you out. Mama said knock you out. Who the fuck is that?"

I'm watching the Cubs game Friday night, and mom is watching a soap opera. She starts laughing.
Mom: They just mentioned an old character named Betsy. Do you know who Betsy is?
Me: No, mom.
Mom: Meg fucking Ryan.

A MISUNDERSTANDING WORTHY OF THREE'S COMPANY

For the big pool party Friday, mom made hot dogs. I talked to Kaila in the afternoon and told her she didn't need to bring anything. I tell her not to eat dinner because we're having hot dogs. I tell her to tell the other gals. After I get off the phone with Kaila, I send this text to Bob and Chuck: Hot dogs for dinner.

A few minutes later, I get this message from Chuck: Buns too or do you have that covered?
My immediate text message response: We gots it all.

After sending that message, I notice I have a new voicemail. I listen to the message. It's from Chuck, a few minutes before I had talked to Kaila. I couldn't make out all of the message, except that he wanted to know if he needed to bring anything.

Unfortunately, I didn't fully grasp Chuck's text message about buns. If I had, I would have been more aware of the word "too." As in: I'm bringing hot dogs, do I need to bring buns, too?

From Chuck's end, he left me a voicemail asking if he needed to bring anything. A little while later, he gets a text message from me saying: Hot dogs for dinner. Bless his heart, the guy went to the store and bought hot dogs for the party. When he thought about it a little while later, he became confused about my message: We gots it all. He then called to clear the air, and we had a hearty chuckle.

PUT ON YOUR DANCING SHOES

Just like any normal American, my favorite Olympian of the Beijing Olympics has been Michael Phelps, especially if you count Deborah as part of the package. Then, there is the U.S. men's basketball team. But my favorite Olympian after that became clear Saturday: Olha Korobka, a super heavyweight weightlifting chick from Ukraine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmV2l2t40d4

That youtube link is the only one I could find of her. We were looking for the quote of the day for the paper, and Lopes found it in a weightlifting story. Olha knew she had no chance of winning the gold medal because the leader was way ahead. So she just skipped her final lift and turned her attention to more important matters. "If there is a disco in the Olympic village, now I have the time so I’ll go and dance."

The image of Olha, who tips the scales at a lean 368, dancing had several of us equal parts disturbed and intrigued. I was reminded of the new Producers movie when Uma Thurman says: "Now Ulla dance." I can just imagine Olha hitting the dance floor and bellowing: "Now Olha dance." And seeing everybody clear out. I wonder if she leads in a slow dance.

Here's some office thoughts on Olha:

Liam (after watching the youtube video): I bet she would wrestle a bear.
Ann (upon looking at Olha's picture): That's a girl?

PARTING SHOT
The office is ripping on Saints cornerback Jason David.

Derry: I honestly believe I can burn that guy.
Sandy: With a match?
JRap (almost at the same time): With an iron?

THE DAILY TOP LIST
My top 5 favorite loser characters in TV history.

5) Toby Flenderson. The Office.
Michael Scott's favorite punching bag. Poor Toby never knew Pam thought he was cute.

4) Meg Griffin. Family Guy.
I don't think any TV father has loved a child less.

3) Spence Olchin. The King of Queens.
One of my favorite TV scenes is Spence trying to interrupt a wedding, only to get there in time to watch another guy interrupt the wedding and run off with the girl.

2) Ted Buckland. Scrubs.
He shares a bed with his mom.

1) George Costanza. Seinfeld.
The definition of a loser.