CRUNCHING THE NUMBERS

I've been cheering for the Saints for as long as I can remember. I've kept running stats in my head for just about any athletic competition whether I'm playing or watching since I played basketball at 6-years-old. And I've been involved in compiling stats for the T-P for four or five years. I do drive charts for Saints games and work up more charts than your local physician. 

While I am telling you all this - besides to creep you out, of course? All this stat stuff means I'm fairly familiar with the Saints media guide, having skimmed it and used it countless times to make charts, most recently one on Brees' place in Saints history. So, you can imagine my excitement when I learned Thursday that we had just received our batch of 2008 Saints media guides. The cover is cool: an image of Brees directing a huddle inside a Saints helmet. 

For all the good that the media guide does for me, there is one glaring problem. The damn book is filled with typos and bad information. For the most part I can trust the info, but the first thing I did when I opened the 2008 guide is check to see if the fine folks at the Saints office fixed the glaring mistakes I noticed in the 2007 version. You guessed it. No. 

Apparently, they just update the new information. No genius over there bothers to check for previous information errors. JRap suggested that we compile all the mistakes and send a letter to Benson, saying don't blame us for errors when you can't put out a complete media guide. He also suggested doing some other stuff to Benson in the process. But that's for a different entry. I do think I should send this to the Saints office. This shit is embarrassing. Though I haven't found anything super major (i.e. an incorrect score or that they once won the Super Bowl). Of course, JRap is probably the only living being that could catch an incorrect score in there.

Here's a list of things I found in the 2007 media guide.

In the year-by-year stats under 2004.

The leading passer? Aaron Brooks, you say. Nope. Drew Brees, who I believe played for San Diego that year. Unless I missed something. Instead of printing the 2004 passing stats, they reprinted the 2006 passing stats. Did you know Reggie threw an interception for N.O. in 2004?

In the individual records under career touchdown passes.

4) Jim Everett - 60. 1994-95. That means Everett threw 60 TD passes in two seasons with the Saints. This might be believable on another team, say the Colts for instance. But Brees set the single-season record last season with 28 TD passes.

Under longest scoring run

tie 4) Mario Bates 74 yards against the Lions. 9/21/9. You get that? The year 199?. I remember that year. I had it pretty good. For Christmas, I got a um, um, um. When I tell JRap about this, he responds immediately: "Oh, that was 1997. Ditka's first year."

These are just the mistakes I caught. I didn't read the whole book, and I don't have Saints stats memorized. You think other NFL teams have media guides with errors like this? 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Mom gets into a discussion on the phone with the lady from Bobby's who always answers when we order on Fridays. Turns out, they went to Riverdale together. Mom takes out the old yearbook to look her up but is unable to find Lisa Rodriguez. "What the fuck?" By the time, I returned home with the food, mom had found her. "I was looking up the wrong fucking name. It wasn't Lisa. It was Felicia."

I ask mom a question about the pool party. She tells me I need to get ice. 

Me: I've been on a roll back there.

Mom: What. Looking up fucking porno.

Me: No. Writing my blog. 

HEY, MR. VENDING MACHINE MAN. PUT SOME SKITTLES IN FOR ME.

As of Thursday night, the Skittles had not been restocked from when Sandy smacked the machine to release the final bag Monday night. I'm really starting to get worried. I think I may have a problem. (At right, the Skittles go between the Twix and the Butterfinger.)

RUSSIAN SLUTSKYS ALWAYS USE BUTTER

I gambled a little last night. Here's some notes.

-- I was up $120 but left ahead $48. Should have left sooner. Four times, I folded a bad hand, and it would have made a winning full house.

-- I had a dealer named Bernard Joseph Slutsky. I kid you not. He understands the humor of his name, as his name tag read: BJ Slutsky. He's been my dealer before, but I didn't realize his name until another player noticed it Thursday night. Someone asks him if he had it tough growing up. His response: "Imagine what my sister went through."

-- A Six Beers sits next to me. In the two and a half hours he played with us, I think he stopped talking for a total of 39 seconds (not counting the times he got up). He was already drunk when he sat down and had six more beers while with us. With all that talking, Six Beers only did and said one thing of note. One time, he folded the dealer button instead of his cards and didn't realize for several seconds. He had an interesting theory to clear up our trouble in the Middle East: "Tell those damn Russians to get out of Georgia and invade Iran. Just take over. That will end terrorism right there." McCain doesn't have a running mate yet, right?

-- A player wins a pot and yells, "Finally. Now I'm going to need butter because I'm going on a roll." The guy next to me, who is about my age, starts laughing and says he's never heard that one before. What? I couldn't believe that. I guess not everyone my age grew up on ESPN.

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

Zephyrs games are a relatively cheap form of entertainment, even for a full family. But I'm here to tell you that you can make the experience even more friendly to your wallet.

For starters, don't buy anything from the concession stand. Too expensive. If you want to bring snacks or a drink, put them in your pocket or a woman's purse. Trust me. They don't check. I usually bring a bag of sunflower seeds and a coke.

Never ever never pay to park. That's three extra bucks right there. You might use that on an ice cream cone at the game, which is hard for me to resist in the late innings. It's hot out there, and soft serve always hits the spot. There are two ways to avoid the parking fees. 1) Show up after the fifth inning. The parking attendants are gone. You drive in and park for free. It's not like any of us are invested in the W-L record of the Z's anyway. You get four free innings (that's more than an hour) and on Fridays, free fireworks. I don't think you have to pay for a ticket using this strategy, either. 2) Park across the street or in the LaSalle Park parking lot (accessible from Airline or David Dr.) and walk. Save three bucks, get some exercise. 

Always buy the cheapest ticket available. Z's games will be at best half-full. So you can sit anywhere you want. Buy a $5 ticket and sit in a $10 seat. That's how you really stick it to them.

PARTING SHOT

"Fucking bastards. They just trying to run me out early. They know I'm leaving in three months."

-- A Harrah's dealer to the table of players after her manager gave her sass for asking for scotch tape. A player's glasses broke, and he wanted to tape it together.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

In honor of tonight's Gene Pool party: the top 5 Gene Pool moments. We have had a pool in the backyard since I was 6.

5) Filling up the pool. Summer 1991.

We emptied the water out of the pool and then refilled it. I got to be in the pool as it slowly filled up. It was fun running around in six-inch deep water, pretending I was a superhero. 

4) Creating an unstoppable whirlpool.

Several times at these parties, my friends and I have made a whirlpool. I've been a part of a few great ones. No specific one comes to mind, but these things are always fun when you try to swim against the current.

3) I make a smooth move. Summer 2004.

Maybe the craziest Gene Pool to date. Fair amount of drinking. I get some courage and make a move on this girl. It works. We'll stop the story there. Nothing developed after that night, though. Note: It's a good party when it ends with four drunk people watching Miss Congeniality. 

2) I make a smoother move. Summer 1995.

After many tries, I pull off my first behind-the-back, through-the-legs dunk off the deck on the floating goal in the Gene Pool.

1) I do my best Charlie Hustle impression (that one is for you, Bob). Summer 1999.

I had a girl in the Gene Pool. And I got to second base for the first time. Very nice. High five.