NEAR HOME RUNS AND DICE ROLLING

Saturday was an eventful day for me. Let's break it down.

10:15 a.m.: Wake up to the sound of a thunderstorm, putting Sports Saturdays in jeopardy once again. Have I done something to piss off the rain gods?

Noon: My dad and I arrive at the Jefferson Playground baseball field, with the rain miraculously a distant memory. I take three rounds of hitting, and pops takes one.

The fence in left field is 295 feet away. Pops got into one real good, and it landed about 20 feet shy of the fence. You can tell that in his day, he could have put the ball way out. As for me, most of my good hits were screaming line drives, though I did crush one that landed about two feet in front of the fence.

12:45 p.m.: Bert and Jacob show up, and Bert and I play catch until Kelly and Nicole arrive. The gals got there a tad bit late because Kelly drove past the field and ended up near New Orleans before calling Bert for help.

1:15: Bert, Jacob, Nicole, Kelly and I took turns hitting a softball on a little field next to the baseball field. I felt like a monster on that field. As far as defense, I made a nice diving catch of one of Nicole's hits and an exhilarating, long running catch of one of Bert's blasts.

The main thing I have to show for my afternoon of baseball/softball is four blisters on my left hand. The baseball bat I used with my dad doesn't have grips anymore, and my racquetball glove didn't exactly do the trick as a batting glove. Hopefully, that heals for football this Saturday.

3:30: After getting dropped off (I feel like I'm 15 again with peeps driving me around) at home and taking a shower, I (using Tina's car) met the gang (now joined by Paul) at McAlister's for lunch. I just snacked on some of Kelly's nachos because I had a bigger dinner with me for work.

4:30: Work time. Blah. Blah. Blah.

11: I meet Kelly, Bert, Nicole and some others at the Big Easy bar in Elmwood just in time to split some fries with Kelly. They had a trio of old dudes rocking some classic tunes. Not bad.

1 a.m.: Our group decides to take our party downtown to the casino. This wasn't my idea, but I said, what the heck, I'll go. And I had a casino first. I DIDN'T GAMBLE. Let me write that one more time in case it didn't quite sink in. On Saturday night at Harrah's, I DIDN'T GAMBLE.

I watched Bert win $107 at craps. Before Saturday, my experience with craps was only on the casino episodes of TV sitcoms, where a character always ends up at the craps table going crazy. Craps be complicated, but now I understand some of it.

3:30: After Nicole ran out of credits on some party themed slot machine, we headed for the exits by passing through the Masquerade. As soon as we walked in, a fight broke out. One dude must have made a move on another dude's girl because those two went at it, with a huddled mass surrounding them.

3:45: We were able to avoid getting caught up in the mess. I think the highlight of the fight was a chick trying to break it up by stepping in front of her man as both dudes had their fists up. Not smart. I was so exhausted from the day, I fell asleep in the back of Kelly's car on the way home.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

I walk out to the patio Monday afternoon.
Me: Your paint is peeling.
My mom: No shit.

Mom is upset with a soap opera. "Fucking Guiding Light has five weeks left, and they can't come up with any good storylines. Fucking sad."

Mom looks out the window to see the wet pavement. "Fucking rain."

Mom and I watched Millionaire from Sunday night.

-- On expert for the evening Connie Chung: "Fucking expert, my ass."
-- On a question about a cactus: "I thought cactus didn't have fucking water."
-- On an ad during the show for a new show called Shark Tank: "They come up with some bullshit every fucking year."
-- On getting a question correct about the colors of the google letters: "I don't even use it, and I fucking knew that."

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that Michael Vick is back in the NFL and signed with the Eagles? Did you know he went to jail for a dogfighting ring? Did you know that Obama's health care hasn't been met with universal praise? Did you know that tropical storm season has started to pick up steam?

PARTING SHOT
The Steelers sent us a press kit, and in it was some of Troy Polamalu's hair. We give the kit to resident Steelers fan Phil.

Marcus: You know, Phil. That hair's not from his head.