UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

Late in the shift Thursday night, I glance over at Liam's computer to seem him fidgeting with some Internet tool. He's looking at the houses on his street.

Me: How the heck you doing that?
Liam: Google maps. You don't know about this?

I didn't. Apparently, you type in an address on the map option on google, and bam! they show you a shot of it. You can zoom in and stuff. It's creepy and somehow not illegal.

Outside one of the homes we looked at, we saw an old lady in the garden. I was half-expecting Tina to be in our garden when I looked at our house. The shot shows our two cars (Honda and Jetta) in their parking spot. So it was taken within the past two years.

Can you say new stalking tool?

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom tells me that Ryan Seacrest signed a new American Idol contract. "Forty-five fucking million dollars."

Mom reads a story in the paper of a young boy dying while trying to cross Jefferson Highway on the street we lived on before moving to Harahan. "Yeah. He tried to cross over the fucking street."

I'm watching Conan. He has Sienna Miller on the program.
Me: Ma, you know who that is?
Mom: You think I don't know who the fuck Sienna Miller is?

We come back from running an errand. It was hot out. "Motherfuck!" Mom then looks at the thermostat, which is becoming her mortal enemy. "This motherfucker here."

ON THIS DATE IN GENE POOL HISTORY

2008: I compared a bunch of my peeps to Office characters. Lopes as Andy is looking much better for him a year later, now that Ed Helms is a super movie star.

PARTING SHOTS
D does his usual whistle and clap routine that he performs six times a night. We then solve a mystery.

Sandy: D, what is that?
D: It's the beginning of a song.
Sandy: A clap is the beginning of a song?
D: No. It's a drum beat.
Me: The whole time you've been doing a song? What song is it?
D: The Horse.
Sandy/Me: What is that?
Max: That's a Mardi Gras staple.

D is long in the tooth and slightly afraid of the new medium of communication.

D: If I hit the lotto while I'm here, I ain't blogging shit. I'll leave a note. 'Fuck ya'll. I ain't blogging.'