IT'S ALL PART OF MY FANTASY

On Friday night, we had our fantasy auction draft at David's house from 8:30 p.m. to 1 a.m. We didn't start right away because we had to settle some arguments on how the league was to be setup. 

You see, I wanted it one way, and everybody else wanted it another way. I didn't like it at all, but I had to be that guy of the group, like the lone juror who votes not guilty. Basically, I was a dick, but a necessary dick, if you ask me. 

Issue #1: Last year with eight teams in the league, we had six teams make the playoffs. You know who ended up in the championship? Yeah, the fifth and sixth place teams. I made it my mission to not let such a travesty happen again. 

OK. Slight curveball. We upgraded to 10 teams this year, so people thought this wouldn't be an issue. I don't think so, buddy. I made a stand. 

This was my reasoning: a) If the sixth-place team out of 10 makes the playoffs, you're giving a team that finished in the bottom half of the league (aka, a loser) the chance to win the title with a couple lucky weeks at the end. I wanted four teams to make it. b) In the NFL, only 12 out of 32 teams to make it. These people would want 17 teams to make it. 

We then voted on this issue. How many people voted with me for a four (or even five-team playoff)? None. 9-1 in favor of letting the sixth-place team make the playoffs. The playoffs are a honor. Something that is earned. Ugh. 

My dick moment: "I'm thinking about quitting the league if we don't do something about this." Childish? Yes. Necessary? Yes. The compromise: The team that finishes with the best record is at least guaranteed to get his money back. 

Issue #2: We started the auction system last year for the purpose of being able to keep two players. I made a really good draft pick of Roddy White for five points and was glad to be rewarded by keeping him for years at a cheap price. 

However, this became in jeopardy because it was "unfair" to the new teams. I even accepted a compromise where the newbies would get to select one player from the list of unkept players to start their team. 

My dick moment: "Fuck the new teams." 

The vote: 8-2 in favor of completely starting over. Only Paul voted with me. Ugh. 

Anyway, here's the new lineup for the Gene Poolers. 

QB: Peyton Manning (I overpaid for him. That's on me.)

QB: Chad Pennington: (Dolphin!)

RB: Adrian Peterson (No. 1 player)

RB: Maurice Jones-Drew (Could be the best RB duo in our league)

RB: Thomas Jones (A steal as a backup)

WR: Roddy White (Had to pay 23 points to get him back)

WR: Ted Ginn Jr. (Dolphin!)

WR: Nate Washington (Last pick of draft)

WR: Robert Meachem (Hey, it was one point)

TE: John Carlson (A sleeper according to ESPN)

Kicker: David Akers 

Defense: Saints (Shh.)

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom left her sun roof open today during the downpour. "Now I got to wait for my fucking car to dry." Later in the day, she looks outside. "Still fucking raining." 

Mom reads the story about the guy getting sentenced for fighting during a little league game. "That's bullshit." 

Me: What's wrong with not shaking hands? 

Mom: They fucking 8-year-olds. 

Mom's temporary tooth fell out Friday afternoon. She said "fuck" six times and "motherfuck" once. 

Mom gives one of her theories on driving. "I drive in the middle so nobody can fuck me." Anything else? "I hate fucking 18-wheelers." 

Mom went to a big store early Friday. "I went into Macy's for the first time today. That motherfucker is large." 

I tease mom about her phone bill. "Fuck you, Gene." 

RANDOM THOUGHT OF EVERY SO OFTEN

If you use the nickname thing where you call somebody by their two initials, my name would be G.G., which sounds like a girl's name. Though it did work wonders for Gordon Gekko.