CHOCOLATE ICING ON THE BRAIN

I love cupcakes. That's all. I love cupcakes. For the first time in maybe two years, Tina made a batch Sunday, along with some steak. Ate 'em up. I love cupcakes. Yum. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom decided Sunday night to use her Wii for the first time in a year. She forgot how it works. "The Wii's all fucked up." I ask her if she was able to turn it on and play. "Yeah. This morning after I fucked with it. Then I couldn't remember how to fucking turn it off." 

Mom and I went to lunch Monday afternoon. We get in the vehicle. "It's so fucking hot in this car." 

Mom notices the top light is on. She reshuts her door to see if that's the problem. Nope. She pushes the light back and forth from on to off. Nope. Mom: "Is it your door?" 

Me: Um. (I reshut it, and it was.)

Mom: You see me doing all this shit and it's your fucking fault?

Mom hits a bump. "We need to use the fucking tax dollars to fix these fucking streets!" 

We get back to our street after eating. Mom sees a lawn that is freshly cut but used to be really high. "I see the old man finally cut his fucking grass." 

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know there was a Beer Summit at the White House? Did you know that Favre stayed retired? Did you know the Saints are in training camp? 

PARTING SHOT

UNO athletics is not on the rise. 

D: UNO is having select-a-seat night. Should be select-a-section. 

Marcus (imitating a fan): I'll have the lower bowl, thank you. 

A TOP LIST

My favorite five movie twists I didn't see coming. Spoiler alert.

5) Fugitive. 

I didn't know Dr. Richard Kimble's best friend was part of the conspiracy. 

4) Scream.

You never suspect the first person the police arrest. Well played. 

3) Saw. 

I knew the killer wasn't that other dude they wanted you to think. Had no clue it was the dead dude spread out in the middle of the room. 

2) Empire Strikes Back. 

I am your father. Shocking and a classic movie quote. 

1) Sixth Sense. 

A terrific moment in movie history. Though unlike the rest of these movies, knowing the secret severely hurts its rewatchability.