HUMP DAY

Here's the timeline for my Wednesday.

11:30 a.m.: Wake up, watch Tuesday's edition of the World Series of Poker

12:30 p.m.: Watch Jeopardy!

1: Watch Millionaire, start eating lunch

1:30: Watch Conan, finish eating lunch

2: Flip through the channels, talk to Tina, plan the day

3: Write story for the T-P. Look out for it in a paper near you in the next week or so. 

5:30: Make phone calls to plan Sports Saturday football. If two wrongs don't make a right, how many maybes make enough people showing up to play?

6: Watch start of Cubs-Reds game. Bad start. Shower. 

7: Leave house to meet Little Joe at Bruno's. 

7:30: Watch Cubs lose to Reds and a pitcher who hadn't won in three years. Take advantage of Bruno's 75th anniversary half-off appetizer special. We split a chicken finger basket and fries for $4.90. I ate a full meal with a drink, tipped well for the service and paid $6. Note to self: Hit that up again. 

9: Continue my Yat-athlon with Joe. Two rounds of darts, both won by Joe. Though if you don't count the bull's eye portion, we split. The second match was a classic. Then, it was onto shuffleboard, where we split two games a la air hockey last Friday night. Still to come in the athlon: pool, ping pong and an omelet eating contest at Camellia. 

10:30: Meet Paul at Palace to watch a late movie. More on that Sunday. 

1 a.m.: Talk to Paul in Palace parking lot about a variety of topics. Paul: Did Dan Morgan retire or is he still on the team? Paul: What ever happened to Mike McKenzie? Paul: Did the Saints sign that rookie yet? He's playing safety, right? 

2: Start Wings Season 5 marathon before falling asleep. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

The Young & the Restless shows an old clip of Paul and Nickie. My mom: "That was 30 fucking years ago." 

I tell mom that Billy Jefferson was found guilty on 11 counts and mention that they first invaded his house just more than four years ago. "Yeah. I remember all the fucking money in the freezer."

At 6:49 p.m., mom is confounded by the thermostat. "This is fucking ridiculous. It can't be 79 degrees in here. Fucking thing has been running all day."

PARTING SHOT

In the Palace parking lot, I end up making a joke perfectly in the style of Chapter 4 of the classic sitcom textbook. Yes, I made up the textbook. 

Paul: I met Steve McNair once. 

Me: He dead. 

(Pause.)

Me: Shot four times.

Paul (almost at the same time but right after): Why'd she do that?

Me: Cuz she wasn't sure if the first three bullets did the job.