AS GOOD AS NEW

At 3:30 p.m. Tuesday afternoon, my phone rang with a number I didn't recognize. I answered it to learn that my car would be ready in 20 minutes at the body shop. Wow. That's a full week before they said it would be ready. 

Before we left, Tina said: "A little fucking damage costs a lot of money and headaches for everyone." On the way to the body shop, she said: "Now just pay more fucking attention when you drive." 

My beautiful car was parked in front of the building and looked like it was brand new. We gave it an inspection and didn't find anything. Tina was impressed with the work, especially since she was dreading the "grand unveiling." 

As I was about to pay the $500 deductible (out of the $4,250 of repair costs) and get my keys back, Tina came into the building and stopped me. She found something. We got a worker out there to show him. This led to a 15-minute discussion with the worker and somebody from Volkswagon on the phone.  

What was the cause of this ordeal that's making me go back in a week or so to get the new part? Yup, Tina realized that one of the bolts under the hood wasn't the same color as the rest. 

There you go. It's like nothing ever happened. Nope. I didn't hit a parked car with the left front of my car. Everything is back to normal now. Well, except the increasing of my car insurance. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom finished watching the entire season of Entourage. "Fucking took them five years to make that shit. I watched it in eight days." Then, a while later. "Fucking Turtle never took his hat off in the first four seasons. Then he takes it off. He shouldn't have done that." 

We run some errands. Mom sees a house has sold down the street. "Fucking home sold already. Only been one month." (There's still six houses for sale in the neighborhood.) 

Mom read the Jonas Brothers story in the paper. "Fucking Jonas Brothers celebrated Joe's 2oth birthday at a skating rink on the West Bank." 

Me: Well, they couldn't go to the French Quarter.

Mom: Why not?

Me: Got an image to protect. 

Mom: Bullshit. 

Mom has been enjoying a new program. "That show Dating in the Dark. Fucking hilarious." 

RANDOM THOUGHT OF EVERY SO OFTEN

Five times a week at the urinal at work, I get the chance to literally piss on my name. And I like to take advantage of that. 

PARTING SHOT

As she was leaving her post at the nola.com desk Monday night, Jelly stopped by her old stomping grounds in the sports section. She stood next to her old desk and said something to Bake. I interrupt. 

Jelly: Shut up, Gene. (And it felt like old times in the Triangle of Trust.)