NIGHTMARE ON PARK RIDGE DRIVE

SPLAT!

I had lunch with Rachel at Theo's before work Wednesday. They got this great deal for a small pizza and drink for 8 bucks. 

Since I've been eating smaller portions, I'm able to turn the six-slice pie into two meals. That's $8.70 for a day's worth of meals. In the immortal words of Kermit Ruffins: That'll work. 

Except when I do this at dinner. 

As I tried to maneuver three slices onto two little plates -- resources are low at work -- one plate slipped, and there went a pizza slice. Which sucked because two slices is just not enough for dinner. 

Here's a happier picture:

As Joe said, that's one fine looking couple. But didn't I go to that wedding four months ago? Pretty sure I did. Maybe they wanted to REALLY make sure they were serious about this thing before doing something official like make a paper announcement. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom doesn't like that I have documents and such all over the place. "You ought to buy yourself a real fucking file cabinet. If you get flooded, you won't be able to gather your shit."

Mom got a new air filter. "Fucking 80 fucking dollars for an air filter."

Mom notices a house down the street is for sale. She makes me pull over for a flyer. She looks at the price. "Jesus Christ. What the fuck? They did redo the inside. But 190,000? You gotta be fucking kidding me? Oh, there's a spa."

Mom had to get her air bags replaced. "Remember all that shit that happened with Toyota? Now every time there's an accident, they recall all the cars because they don't that fucking lawsuit."

DREAMS ARE FOR REALS, Y'ALL

Tuesday night I dreamed I was in high school and had gotten into several fights. I won them, but it was all in self-defense. 

The other students wanted me gone, and there was a full trial. My defense was excellent as I had clear evidence of the self-defense. 

But no. Guilty was the verdict. I was expelled. I was devastated. Then I awoke. 

I didn't think anything of it until Thursday when I was called into a meeting room with two big bosses. 

Thinking it was to discuss my schedule during football season, I entered the meeting by saying: So am I scoring a touchdown?

"Yeah," one said. "We need to talk." What happened was several of my co-workers had complained about my attitude. This was a warning of sorts. Just like those students putting me on trial for fighting. 

Hopefully, I'm not expelled for real at the trial next week.