THINK I'M COMING DOWN WITH A TOUCH OF PNEUMONIA
Bert joined the 29 club Sunday. I had this exchange with Paul on Saturday.
Paul: Is Bert's birthday today or tomorrow?
Me: Um, he was born on 8-4-84.
Paul: Oh. I'll never forget that now.
No shit. That's what I said when I was 10. How can we be 29 before Paul learned this fact. Head in a hole.
Anyway, Bert was excited about his cake, with all its chocolate and caramel. I like those things.
But that I didn't like. At all.
Before I left Bert's party for work, there was a rousing game of Taboo, pitting the guys against the girls.
The score was tied at 49, and we were playing to 50. So whoever got the most points on the next turn would win.
It came down to Kelly and me giving the clues. I knew I was screwed, as Kelly was the MVP of the game up to that point. And calling me average at Taboo is being generous.
I went first and got a pathetic two, which was really one, but we - the guys - cheated it to two. I was stuck on pneumonia, which shouldn't have been that hard. Kelly easily got three for the win despite my trying to distract her.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom has a new favorite song. "The song Blown Away by Carrie Underwood. Somebody masterminded that fucking song. It's about the Oklahoma tornado. Father is drunk and passed out on the couch, and he always rapes his daughter. So she goes to safety and just leaves the motherfucker to get killed by the fucking tornado."
Mom thinks old people in Harahan are slow-moving when they cross the street. "These old people don't know where the fuck their going."
Mom is still stuck on the Jody Arias trial. "What the fuck is going on with Jody Arias? If you're going to convict somebody, have the fucking cahones to give death. Now we need a new jury. Fucking Arizona state laws."
Mom doesn't have happy thoughts at night. "I have nothing to dream about. My mind is just empty shit."
FOUR CORNERS
The comings and goings of my life
-- Reports keep saying there are coyotes in my neighborhood, but I ain't never seen one. I have, however, seen some other animals recently.
On Thursday, I saw a possum emerge from my garden when I arrived home from work. Same thing Friday but with like a mini-pelican or something. I took pictures of both, but they came out terribly.
-- I found enough change on the ground - two quarters, two dimes and a bunch of nickels - at work Friday night to buy a bag of cookies. So, uh, I got that going for me.
-- Kelly and I went to Wendy's during my dinner break Sunday night. I had this exchange with the cashier.
Cashier: Is that all?
Me: Yeah.
Cashier: 10.30.
Me: Whoa. I thought it was only 8:30. I'm really late getting back to work.
The cashier didn't acknowledge that I had spoken, rang me up and asked Kelly what she wanted. Some people just don't have a sense of humor, I guess.
-- The final string of Breaking Bad episodes starts Sunday. Lots of theories out there on how it will end. I have three predictions for what will happen in the finale.
1. Jesse and Walter kill each other.
2. Someone somehow takes over the empire of blue meth, leaving Hank dumbfounded and back on the prowl.
3. Walter Jr. discovers that there are places beside his living room to eat breakfast.
No comments:
Post a Comment