Tina and I decided to grab lunch Monday afternoon. When she asked what I was in the mood for, the answer was simple.
As part of my new diet, I'm limiting myself to fried chicken once a month. And so since it was the first day of a new month, I couldn't think of anything but chicken.
Tina also had an inkling for chicken, and we headed to Louisiana Purchase, an all youz can eat buffet, featuring fried chicken, on Veterans.
But we received some troubling news at the counter: Monday's shipment of chicken still had not arrived and they weren't sure how much longer. Boo!
We did the next best thing and stopped at Popeye's on Vets and David. I order and get ticket No. 205.
After about five minutes, I got up from our table to wait for our food at the counter. This was their setup: Five people working feverishly to keep up with the drive thru and ONE person at the register inside to both take and fill orders.
There was a line at the register, so the one worker hadn't gotten to the guy in front of me yet, much less our order.
When the worker -- and I feel obligated here to tell you that he wasn't special but really close to it, like he was in a permanent trance -- finally caught a break at the register, he filled the order in front of me.
This took him a solid four minutes for two boxes of chicken and sides. His trance wouldn't let him go any faster.
At this point, it was almost 15 minutes since I ordered, and you could clearly see that they weren't waiting on anything.
Around the 10-minute mark, Tina was pissed and wanted to leave, getting up from the table to insist they had skipped us. No, I said back, it's just going slowly.
Right after that, our stuck in a trance worker started filling the next order on his screen, which should have been ours, but he was putting items in the box we didn't order. No. 207 he then called out.
Me: You just skipped mine.
Stuck in a trance: Oh. What did you order?
Me: Now, my money back.
So, with a full refund from the manager and two free drinks, we stormed out of there and headed to the Elmwood Popeye's.
Tina was none too pleased with our search for chicken and was really hungry now. "First, no chicken. Then, we can't get it served. What the fuck?"
Me: Yeah, and you just took the long way to the next place.
Tina: Great. Another fuck-up.
Me: Well, the routes aren't much different.
Tina: So I didn't fuck up too bad.
The Elmwood Popeye's was the picture of efficiency. The chicken was served on our plates before the register worker finished swiping my card. We scarfed down the chicken like Al Copeland wouldn't believe.
On the way home, Tina started driving back to her house before realizing she had to drop me off first. "Oh. Another fuck-up."
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
Sopranos edition
I'm reading a book about The Sopranos, and I tell my mom that I don't think Tony dies at the end. "Of course he doesn't die. He got shot earlier and lived. He had a fucking hole this big (spreads hands a foot apart)."
I say maybe he did die because of all the death imagery in the final season. One part has Paulie with a strange theory. Mom: "Yeah, he thinks Christopher is in the fucking cat. Hilarious. He's trying to hit it with a broom. Fucking Tony comes in the room, and Paulie pretends like he's sweeping."
I tell mom that HBO once wanted creator David Chase to change something. "And what did he say? Fuck you."
PICTURE THIS
I spent Monday night with the neighbors and Paul. Dinner was at Theo's, but I was more excited about this.
About time. It has said Coming Soon for so long that I thought they had changed the name of the restaurant.
Our next stop was Coldstone. I didn't get anything, but this perturbed me.
Duh. When something costs money, no shit I can't help myself. The brownies cost 59 cents plus tax, not free. Coldstone also would tell me not to take a Mercedes off the lot without paying.
Also, there were no brownies there.
After ice cream, we hung out at the neighbor's house discussing our fucked up families and watching Paul try to beat Super Mario Bros. for the first time in his life. Some nerd, he couldn't do it.
His shirt, however, was about winning. But it offended me. And it should offend you, too.
Shocked the world? Are you kidding me? I sure as hell expected to win, and I hope you did, too.
Besides, you can't shock the world by winning the Super Bowl after starting the season 13-0. Then, they creamed the Cardinals and outlasted a damn good Vikings team in the playoffs. They didn't come out of nowhere.
Yes, the Colts were favored, but shocking the world is for monumental upsets. This was not that. It was a 15-3 team beating a 16-2 team.
It's also about time for another one.
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