As many of you know, my Independence Day tradition is to watch Independence Day. I started it as a senior in high school, but I didn't realize the custom had epic powers until several years later.
I've adhered to this ritual each year since 2002 except for one: 2005. And we all know what happened after that: Katrina.
So now I watch Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum destroy aliens every Fourth of July for my viewing pleasure and to protect this city. It's my honor and privilege.
Thursday was no exception. Though it wasn't easy. I had trouble waking up and then fell asleep during the first act for an hour.
In order to finish the movie then, I had to watch the rest at Tina's with barbecue lunch. But when I went to leave my house, I couldn't find my keys. Took 15 minutes to locate them.
Where were they? The last place I looked, of course. I searched everywhere in the house to no avail. That's because the keys were still in the key hole outside.
Good thing I live on the safest street in the United States of America. And I still sort of made it to work on time.
While watching, I caught an error I never noticed before. A news cast says the aliens have just set up shop over the capitals of England, India and Germany. Then they show a graphic of a map showing those capitals as London, Bombay and Germany.
(Geography lesson: New Delhi is the capital of India, and Berlin is the capital of Germany.)
On a more serious note, these are my five favorite lines of this cinematic masterpiece:
5. OR as the good reverend would say, Why we are on this particular mission, we'll never know. But I do know here today that the Black Knights will emerge victorious once again.
4. I could've been at a barbecue!
3. No sir. Just a little anxious to get up there and whoop E.T.'s ass. That's all.
2. Fired secretary of defense while being invited to pray: I'm not Jewish.
Judd Hirsch: Heh, nobody's perfect.
1. Goldblum: You really think you can fly that thing?
Big Willie: You really think you can do all that bullshit you just said?
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom came over Monday to work in the yard. She didn't like the condition of the shed's gutter in the backyard. "Mud this thick (spreads fingers about two inches apart). Smells like children's shit."
Nor was she pleased with my garbage cans. "Fucking filled with the shit from two weeks ago." (Oops.)
Mom noted there were bugs swarming the old garbage. (It wasn't really that bad.) "Fucking shit ass bugs."
Back in the house, mom was upset some of the clothes I bought a week earlier were still on the couch. "When you buy new things, you fucking need to learn to put them away."
NERD ALERT!
On Wednesday night after work, I went to David's house to hang. Paul was sharing a Gambino's cake he got for his last day of work at The Palace.
Paul said it was chocolate cake, but it only had chocolate icing. Disappointing.
Bert, David, Jacob and Paul were playing a board game called Hero Quest, which next to Dungeons and Dragons has to be the nerdiest game in human history.
That's the board. They spent their "mission" trying to collect gold while killing mummies. Really all they did was roll dice over and over.
Paul almost died once, but luckily he had a Water of Healing card to bring his wizard character back to life.
I didn't pay attention for the rest of the night, except when David kept telling the other three that they shouldn't have opened that door for some reason or another.
Hopefully, they defeated the bad guy.
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