1. I think Weekend at Bernie's takes too long to develop. On Saturday afternoon, I noticed that the movie had started on Comedy Central at 11:36, and so when I turned it on at 12:06, I expected Silverman to be in the middle of some hijinx with the body.
But no. Bernie Lomax was alive and well. In fact, he was yapping on the phone. Granted 20 seconds later, he was killed, but this is Weekend at Bernie's for crying out loud. More than 25 percent of the movie should not be spent with Bernie alive. Ten minutes tops.
2. I think my lawnmower has it in for me. For the second time this summer, it wouldn't start Saturday. My grass is high, y'all.
3. I think buzzfeed and bleacherreport are putting us close to the end of civilization. Bleacherreport is a joke with all its slide shows so that you give the site a million hits. Buzzfeed's list make me cringe, like 30 things that make you feel 30. Then you click on it, and half the things are bullshit. It's all for suckers.
That said, I would work for either site.
4. I think baby equipment is hard to put together. A couple months ago, Kelly and I had a devil of a time getting Matt Jr. out of his car seat. On Saturday, Bert and I couldn't set up his crib.
One of the sides just refused to lock. We tried for 20 minutes, finally believing it to be broken. So we set up the broke side against the wall and hoped for the best.
5. I think Zimmerman should have at least gotten manslaughter. I also think he should post a job on monster.com for a bodyguard.
6. I think I stole this idea from somewhere.
7. There was a discussion at work that led me to an unusual google search Friday night. Let's just say a headline that came up said: HOW TO POOP AT WORK.
I don't think I kept to the proper form of this gimmick on No. 7.
8. I think I'm a headline genius. In Sunday's paper I got sharknado seamlessly into a sports headline.
9. I think Kelly and I developed a new euphemism for having sex.
So our new term is "Oh, they must be on vacation." As in I knocked on the neighbor's door the other day, but no one answered. As I walked back home, I mumbled: "Oh, they must be on vacation."
10. I think Season 5 of "24" is the greatest season of TV ever made. I made the mistake of starting it again Tuesday. It's the only thing I could think about all week.
I watched 9 1/2 episodes Tuesday, 2 1/2 Wednesday, 4 Thursday and who knows how many after I finish this post.
THE TINA CURSING CORNER
My mom was anxious to start reading a book. "I want to know why the fuck it takes a book so long to go from one library to the other." (She got it the next day.)
Mom fears the heat. "I'm fucked if it's always sunny." Then later: "Jesus, fucking shit'll kill you."
A government official is caught as part of a conspiracy on 24. "Government fucking shouldn't be messing around with shit like that."
TOP LIST
On the old blog, I did a top list everyday. Here's the return of that feature.
My current favorite places to eat.
5. Waffle House.
I'm this close to owning one.
4. Louisiana Purchase.
All you can eat fried chicken.
3. Cowbell.
Best hamburger in town. Best sauce ever. It is too expensive, though.
2. Oriental Triangle.
The waitress already knows what I want.
1. Bobby's.
I'm there every Friday for some seafood. Even when the restaurant is closed because the entire work staff is on vacation.
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