SHE TOLD ME TO TURN OFF WRESTLING

FINDING THE HUMOR 4

My mom slept from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. yesterday. Not a bad gig if you can get it, right? And then she slept from 11 p.m. to 10 a.m. Tuesday. 

I learned from a nurse that tumors had entered mom's brain, and that's the reason she speaks non-sensically now. 

Here are yesterday's highlights:

-- Gene, you're so full of shit. Unbelievable. So full of shit. (Pause). So full of shit.

-- I want my cake now. 

Me: You have cake? Where?

Mom: Down the street. 

-- Mom told some story I wasn't completely paying attention to. I came in at the end. 

Mom: So you gonna text him?

Me: Who?

Mom: Muhammad Ali. 

-- I think the food comes out a shoot. 

-- Let's play happy games today. Gene happy games. Gene happy games. 

-- There was lots of baby talk. 

Where's the baby?

Me: What baby?

Mom: My baby. 

She then asked if the mother -- no longer mom's baby apparently -- was keeping the baby and if the father was OK with it. She was really worried about the baby and wanted to leave to go get it. 

Mom: So the baby's ok?

Me: Yup. 

Mom: Well that's good. Wish someone would have told me a lot fucking sooner. Give me a bag of candy.