WHO DAT SAY HE GONNA WALK TO WORK? 

Chuck and I went to the Saints opener Sunday. My dad won two free tickets in the T-P dealers' raffle. He went with a friend who sits in the lower section and gave both of the T-P tickets to me. I first offered the other ticket to Bert (who turned it down) because he let me sleep on his sofa during Gustav. I had to be at work for 4 p.m., so I parked in the T-P parking lot. Chuck picked me up there, and we headed to his building on Poydras to park for free. Putting the actual game aside for a minute, here's my experience through pictures of the festivities.

Just one block from Chuck's building, we caught this light up ahead SEVEN times. Many cars were trying to turn right, where the National Guard was blocking through traffic. This caused no-moving traffic and much confusion. If you look close, there is a guy on the street between two cars. During one of the red lights, he got out of his car to investigate the hold up. The light turned green before he got back, but it didn't matter. No cars moved. Waiting in line would become the theme of the day. That's called foreshadow, kids.
Trying to blend in with the crowd, Chuck brown bags it on the way to the Dome. His sister bought him the beer for driving her into work early Sunday. He figured he had to drink it because it was a gift. However, he wasn't quite taking to the taste of Heineken and pitched it half-full. Or was it half-empty?
During halftime, I left my seat in search of food and the bathroom. I didn't count on finding the legendary Pete Finney, center, walking the halls of the 600 section. I went to the bathroom first and got in line behind this guy in a stall. I picked the wrong line. I think the dude broke Tom Hanks' record in A League of Their Own (Why is he always pissing in his big-time movies?). Using my better judgment, I decided not to whip out my camera and snap a picture of the record piss. Anyway, as I leave the bathroom on my way to a food line, I spot Finney strolling along. I think he heard I was at the game and since he reads this blog, he knows I'm trying to break his tenure record at the T-P. He was clearly out to get me. Or he got lost on his way back to the press box.
This guy is the 633 section captain. Or is he the 633 section drunk? Same difference. Before just about every defensive play, especially third downs, he led the cheers. He told the rest of us to get on our feet and get louder. He waved his hands up and down at us. Good thing he did. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known when to cheer. One time when Garcia called timeout, he turned around and announced: "That was us. We did that." The Bucs were driving toward our end zone. "This is our end zone. It's up to us." Section captain also bought the last hot dog at the stand right before Chuck's turn to order. Speaking of our section, a group of fans a few rows above us had quite the chant after a questionable call. I couldn't make out the beginning, but it ended with: "Up in the tree, let's hang the referee." Not something I would yell out loud. 
This is the line to get to the exits after the big victory. We then had to wait in line to get on the elevator in Chuck's building. I've waited in line at the grocery store, at fast-food joints and at Major Video to buy concert tickets. But I've never waited in line for an elevator until Sunday. We finally get to the car, and the line to get out of the building isn't moving. After twenty minutes of not moving, we realize the line isn't going anywhere. 

That's when I decided to walk to work. The line to get out of Chuck's building emptied on a street where a block party was taking place. Chuck comes along for the walk with the intention of getting picked up by Bob at the T-P and waiting for the party to end to go back for his car. Twenty-something minutes into the journey, we are approaching the bridge (I don't know the name of it) that leads right to the T-P, which put us about ten minutes out. I think.

That's when I notice one of my bosses drive by us. He catches the light up ahead, and I chase him down. I knock on the window. He's obviously surprised to see me out and about. I was close to finishing the journey, and I wanted to be able to say that I walked from the Dome to work. It was pretty hot out there, however, and so I took the ride. We enter the building, and the boss tells someone: "I found Gene hitchhiking." I wonder how long it took for Chuck to get out of that parking garage. Drop me a line, buddy.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom is worn out by the work we did in the yard Saturday. "I'm so fucking tired."

As I'm leaving for the Saints game, I set the DVR to record the Dolphins-Jets game. Mom was watching something on Demand, so I had to stop that first. "Are you fucking kidding me? A fucking game?"

While I'm sitting in the parking garage after the Saints game, I get a call from mom. She tells me the cake is now in the fridge. "The fucking ice melted off. It got so fucking hot in here."

THE SAINTS ARE COMING

I became hesistant about going to the Saints-Bucs game Sunday on Friday night when I couldn't remember a time I attended a Saints victory. I checked my ticket collection when I got home and realized I'm an idiot again. I had season tickets in 2003. They went 5-3 at home that year. My total record, however, heading into Sunday was 6-13, which includes nine consecutive games that weren't played in 2003. Ouch. Plus, I gave up a rare opportunity for a trifecta. The Dolphins, Saints and Cubs were all on TV at the same time. I could have been in channel-flipping heaven. But the tickets were free, the parking was free, it was the return from Gustav... Wait, I don't need a list of reasons to go to a Saints game. Time for my thoughts on the game.

1) Pierre Thomas runs the ball. He catches the ball. He returns kickoffs. He covers kickoffs. I hear he also caters. (Fine, JRap. I said vehemently Saturday night that PT had no chance of playing Sunday. JRap said he would. I said I'll feel like a real idiot when he goes out there and runs the ball on the first play. Sure enough, on the first play from scrimmage, PT went 4 yards. In my defense, I didn't know Stecker and Deuce weren't playing.)

2) I have never once said the Saints should get rid of Devery or even put him on the end of the bench. Though he only seems to do well against Tampa. Was he showboating by holding up the ball on his touchdown or was he trying to show himself that he actually caught it?

3) Let's not get too excited about the defense quite yet. The unit missed a lot of tackles, and the Bucs receivers aren't exactly the greatest challenge for the new cornerbacks.

4) So far, a few of my bold predictions look good. So far. Jacksonville lost, Cleveland got smashed and Reggie made the winning play for the Saints. I was listening to the Reg-gie! chant at the Dome, and I noticed it sounds like Red Meat! Red Meat! So from now on, I'm chanting for Red Meat. Chuck has promised to do the same.

5) The streak is broken. I saw my first Saints victory live (not in 2003) since they beat the Dolphins in 1995. I don't have much of a memory of that game, but if you think about, I didn't really see a victory. I was cheering for the Fish.

MY WEEKLY CUBS THOUGHTS

-- I only saw two games this week. I didn't have power for a few days and was at work during a few night games. I watched one game on tape. I feel like this has contributed to the slump.

-- Big Z is skipping at least one start. His previous two starts were awful. I didn't wear my jersey either time. See, I'm blowing it for them.

-- The Cubs are backing into the playoffs. That's a no good boss. At least we built up a lead in August.

-- I can't take all the blame. Gillie and Jenna both went to games recently. Both losses. Shame. Shame. (Special thanks to Nick for pointing that out to me.)

-- MVP of the Week: Soriano. He hit three homers Saturday and got his seventh outfield assist Sunday. That's pretty much all that went right this week.

PARTING SHOTS

Chuck and I are in the elevator on the way to the Saints game with a family of four.

15-year-old daughter: "They better win. If they lose, I'm going to kill somebody."

Me (with a sense of fear): "Umm, what section are you in? Because I don't want to die."

(The daughter got creeped out by my first sentence and backed away from me toward her dad. Fortunately, her mom understood the joke and started laughing. Crisis avoided. I should learn to shut up in elevators.)

Bake and I are working up the U.S. Open women's championship story.

Me: Oh, Bake. I didn't give you an inch count on that Serena story.

Bake: No, you did not.

Me: Well, it only needs to be x amount of inches.

Bake: So far I only have y inches.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite five Nintendo games. I played Nintendo a lot when I was a kid. I'm not big on video games anymore. I hardly play. My Nintendo still works, though.

5) Rampage.

You go around destroying buildings with King Kong and Godzilla looking characters. 

4) World Cup.

It's not easy, but you can with the U.S.A. 

3) Baseball Stars.

Still the best baseball game I've ever played. It even has what amounts to franchise mode.

2) Mega Man 2, 3 and 4.

I think I'll waste an afternoon soon beating these games all over again.

1) Tecmo Super Bowl.

The best game ever. I can beat the Bucs using the Saints 100-0, though the scoreboard doesn't go past 99. I also wrote a column about the game's greatness in the school newspaper.

MUST BE FOOTBALL SEASON

I'm not the biggest fan of making NFL predictions. It's such a crapshoot. I'm torn between just picking the same teams that won the division the season before and trying to be creative and making a bunch of crazy picks. And I sure as hell ain't picking every team's record. That's a pointless guessing game. So I'll give you my division winners, playoff guesses (which will probably be way off) and a few random predictions.

Division winners

Patriots, Steelers, Colts, Chargers, Eagles, Packers, Saints, Seahawks

NFC championship: Packers over Saints

AFC championship: Colts over Chargers

Super Bowl: Colts over Packers

Six Bold Predictions: 1) Aaron Rodgers will have a better season than Brett Favre, who will absolutely suck.

2) The Jaguars won't be as good as everybody is thinking, and the Browns won't make the playoffs.

3) Reggie Bush will silence a lot of critics, though he won't be all-world. The Saints will be 10-6.

4) There will be a million different playoff scenarios in the NFC with four weeks left. No one will be able to understand them.

5) At least one of my fantasy teams will finish in the money.

6) Tony Romo will cost the Cowboys yet another playoff game. (Sorry, Bob and Nick.) This time by throwing the ball into the stands on the final play of the game, with Dallas trailing the Saints 23-17.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom opened the new Entergy bill. The bill went down. "How the fuck did that happen? I wonder if they were fucking me over the last couple of months."

The cable guy came out today. Mom talked to him. "He said something about checking the main plant for an instrument to see if the problem is with the main plant. Whatever the fuck that means." (Then later when we discuss not having cable.) "He (the cable guy) starts telling me about all the people that are out of power. Like I give a fuck."

The garbage people also came for the first time today since Gustav. "Somebody put beer bottles in our trash. When they lifted the bags, the bottles fell out, and now there is glass all over the street. A fucking beer bottle. Who the fuck puts a fucking beer bottle in a plastic bag?"

Mom isn't a big fan of the Ike and Tina jokes going around. "That ain't funny. He used to beat the fuck out of her. He's right where he belongs. In the grave."

Mom is upset about the coverage of Gustav messing with programming. "I missed my fucking Swingtown, and it was the last fucking episode."

I don't even know how to set this one up. "What do you call the part between the dick and the asshole? The coffee table. That's the best line on fucking Weeds. I laugh my ass off every time."

Mom and I completed three tasks in the yard Saturday. 1) My basketball goal is held up by a water tank. It has a sizable hole in it, so we patched that up. 2) We tried to adjust the fence, which is offline after Gustav. 3) We drained the water off the pool cover.

Basketball goal: On messing up with a piece of tape: "Motherfucker." I ruined a garbage bag that we were using to cover up the hole and then put tape on it. "Fuck. You broke the fucking bag."

Fence: "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. (It works.) I guess I do know what the fuck I'm doing. ... Katrina is what pulled the fucking cement out of the ground."

Pool draining: I check the street to make sure the water is flowing. As I'm returning to the backyard, I hear mom yell. "I have the laziest motherfucker for a son." Then, an hour and a half into the draining, she says: "Motherfuck. There is a lot of water. ... Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable."

THE GENE POOL DIP (I MEAN TIP) OF THE WEEK

Don't unpack your stuff from Gustav evacuation or take down your boards on the windows. Ike could be knocking at your door step late next week. Several people I've talked to have decided that Ike is simply not coming here. End of story. Unfortunately, that's not how the weather works.

I had a scare Saturday afternoon when I told my mom that the storm could be headed our way. "I'm booking a flight on Monday and getting the fuck out of here. I'm not staying again." Mom stayed for Ivan, Katrina and Gustav. Yet Ike is already scaring her. I guess she knows her history. Ike wants to beat Tina.

PARTING SHOTS
There is a discussion about Gustav.

Marcus (to Sandy): It was going to hit the West Bank, but it got scared when it saw where it was going."

There is a discussion about the possibility of there being two Cutoffs.

D: I didn't know there were two Cutoffs.
Bake: A lot of people have a cutoff shortly after they are born.

Marcus asks Lopes if he will blog the Tulane game next week.

Lopes: I don't know what I'm doing.
Marcus: No. Really?

Arkansas State won 83-10 on Saturday. Lopes announces this.

Someone: What's 83-10?
Me: Tony Randall's age compared to his kid's.


THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five favorite orders at fast food joints.

5) A pepperoni pizza combo at Taco Bell/Pizza Hut.
Or if it's just a Taco Bell, I get the Nachos Belle Grande.

4) A three piece-snack at Cane's.
Or as I call it: Katrina food.

3) The chicken nugget meal at McDonald's.
I haven't eaten a hamburger from there since I was 8.

2) A three piece mild, dark combo / three-piece chicken strip combo at Popeye's.
Depends on what mood I'm in really.

1) A spicy chicken sandwich combo at Wendy's.
For some reason, I can't ever finish the whole thing. I always leave a little piece.

I'M GONNA NEED A HACKSAW

(that title is for you, Bob) 

I've had nobody to talk to upon returning home from work the past two nights. That is in contrast to my time spent in Baton Rouge during Hurricane Gustav. We had six people sleeping in the apartment with one frequent visitor. It was hot as balls soup (Jacob and Allen's words, not mine), but I did come away with some fond memories. I feel nostalgic for those times already. My way to cope with this situation is to compare the people in our apartment holed up with no power to characters on 24. Those people fight terrorism; we fought the urge not to go crazy and start killing each other.

ME: Chloe O'Brian.

Chloe is a wiz on computers. I spent most of my time in Baton Rouge at a computer, especially when we had power. I watched Bob Breck online and updated everyone on the storm constantly, much like Chloe gives Jack updates. Chloe is rarely out in the field. I didn't dare go outside in the middle of the storm. 

ALLEN: Jack Bauer.

Jack spent time on a secret mission in the Middle East. Allen was in Iraq for two years. Both know how to handle adverse conditions. Jack has survived six of the worst days one person has ever endured. About having no power, Allen said: "I'm used to this. I've lived it." Plus, they both have ended their fair share of lives.

PAUL: Tony Almeida. 

Tony is my favorite 24 character. Paul is my best friend. Tony is of Spanish descent. Paul's last name is Cuadrado, Spanish for square. And Paul is trying to date a girl named Michelle, the name of Tony's wife.

DAVID: Ryan Chapelle.

David lives in the same apartment complex as Bert. He often stopped by to hang out during my time in Baton Rouge. Chapelle is the regional director of CTU and often stops by Los Angeles CTU headquarters when he thinks his presence is needed. Chapelle uses his computer knowledge to cause the bad guy havoc in Season 3. David knows a shitload about computers. (That's David's girlfriend, Sarah, sitting next to him. She probably wouldn't laugh if David's life ended like Chapelle's life did on the show.)

BERT: Bill Buchanan.

Buchanan is the head of CTU Los Angeles for three seasons. Bert was the head of our apartment. He taped the windows, busted out all the candles when the power went out, cooked jambalaya Saturday night and told people to cleanup when he sensed a mess building up. 

KELLY: Karen Hayes.

Karen marries Bill. I believe one day Kelly will marry Bert. Karen works for Homeland Security and then as the National Security Advisor in Washington, far away from Los Angeles. Kelly was with her family (apart from us) for about a day before the storm hit. She then returned, like Karen makes her way to Los Angeles to be with Bill in Season 6.  

JACOB: Curtis Manning.

Curtis doesn't take shit from terrorists. Jacob will "end you" if you mess with him. Curtis and Jack have a special bond. Jacob and Allen can have a full conversation by quoting Family Guy lines back and forth. When I was making these comparisons, I asked Jacob if he was OK with being a black guy. "Oh yeah. I really want to say, 'Kiss my big black ass!' "

CHUCK: David Palmer.

OK. So Chuck was in Atlanta. But I think he might cry if I did a 24 comparison and didn't include him. Besides, I talked to him enough while I was in Baton Rouge to make me feel as if he were there. Palmer is the president of the United States. Chuck was the Maroon editor. Which basically makes them equals. Palmer guided the country through several acts of terrorism. Chuck was a rock during our coverage of Hurricane Katrina. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom has been busy since last Friday preparing for Gustav and cleaning up after the Swedish lad left the area. "I'm fucking dead. My neck is so sore."

Paul comes over late last night to watch some DVDs. I tell mom this as he knocks at the door. "What the fuck are ya'll going to watch?"

We still don't have cable. At right is the down cable line across the street. "If that fucking line wouldn't have fell across the street, we'd have fucking cable. (Note: This is the first picture featured in the TCC. What. What.)

Mom tries to adjust the rabbit ears to receive ABC. No dice. She puts the TV back on CBS. "My fucking picture is worse. ... I can't figure out how to hook up the fucking loop. You need it for anything but 4, 6 and 8."

Mom calls Cox to see how long the delay will be. No answer. "Yeah. I think we're fucked on cable."

Our neighbor across the street has also been calling Cox. "Not for cable but for the Internet. He's using his Palm Pilot right now. He's worried about his fucking Palm Pilot. And getting on the fucking Internet."

Mom is parking at Seither's, but a truck is messing with her path. "If I get a fucking nail in my car because of that asshole ..."

This isn't a curse, but I have to tell you this comment my mom made. I tell her that the Chinese basketball team lacks quick point guards because the country is likely to put quick youngsters in the soccer program. Mom: "They play soccer in China?"

SIGN OF THE TIMES

Apparently, the cleaning people aren't the only ones in this building that are incapable of putting together a properly worded sign. The cafeteria posted a note around the building this week asking for people to use one-dollar bills because the cafeteria was running low on them. That's fine. But in a three-sentence note, can't they make sure it is correctly written? 

I think the problem here is that the cafeteria person who wrote the note tried to use too big a word to impress us newspaper folk. Recirculation is nice. Of course, recirculating might have worked just a little bit better. Instead, the second sentence could have simply said: Please pay with $1 bills if possible. Maybe the next note will be the first correct one. Oh, who am I kidding?

DID YOU KNOW?

Did you know that Sarah Palin's unmarried 17-year-old daughter is pregnant? Have you heard about that? This should shake the foundation of the election. Of course, the one time she leaves the country, her daughter gets knocked up. And people are wondering why she just got her passport. 

Seriously though, this pregnancy thing means zilch to me in terms of my vote, which at this time is undecided. Teenagers are going to have sex, and all parents can do is educate them about the dangers and consequences. After that, unless the parents are psycho and keep the teenager under lock and key, the parents pretty much have to take their chances. I do think it's a mistake for the daughter to be marrying the father just to save face for the Republicans in the public eye. She's 17 for crying out loud. This marriage has about as much chance of lasting as me finding my perfect mate on one of those late-night phone lines. I know those chicks on the phone aren't as hot as the woman in the TV ads. Not that I experienced this myself.

By the by, I flipped through the stations at one point during McCain's speech last night. Eleven stations were showing it, not counting Fox, which was showing local news.

PARTING SHOT

JRap is watching the South Carolina-Vandy game.

JRap: Now, on this third-and-4 play. ...

D: Foreplay?!?

Anne is looking for a spoon, and I tell her that D probably has one. D sees her approaching his desk.

D: You wanna spoon?

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My favorite 5 game shows.

5) Password.

This one is before my time, but I love the concept. My generation calls this game Taboo. Password is a little more simple. I need to convince my friends to play this on game night.

4) Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? 

I watched this when I got home from school everyday for about two years. Had a catchy little theme song, and it educated me on geography.

3) Family Feud.

I love trying to guess the No. 1 answer on the board. I think I would be pretty good at fast money. I don't like the points structure on this show, though. Seems like you mainly need to win the triple-point round.

2) Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

Anybody else notice that Regis was trying to help the contestants by the tone of his voice? This hasn't stood the test of time like other big-time game shows, but I would watch re-runs of this thing all day if I could. 

1) Jeopardy!

I've read the wikipedia page for this show. Plus, I had a slight man crush on Ken Jennings. Wrote a column in the school paper on him. What is he doing now?

HOW THE BLOG KEPT GOING

Including this one, I posted four blogs Thursday. But the streak of consecutive days blogging is alive. As you can see on the other blogs, I had one Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

I started Monday's blog early Monday morning but didn't get very far. We lost power in Baton Rouge on Monday afternoon and didn't get it back. Monday's draft, however, was saved in the system. On Tuesday night, I called Chuck in Atlanta, gave him my password and he started Tuesday's blog with these words: Chuck was here.

I got back to the city Wednesday and went straight to work. After the shift, I started Wednesday's blog but was too tired to write anything. I woke up this morning refreshed and got to work at 1 p.m. I then wrote the first three blogs before Thursday's shift started. Derry says this doesn't count as posting on consecutive days. I beg to differ.

The T-P delivered four papers to my house today. Thus, we got Monday's paper on Thursday. Just like you got Monday's blog on Thursday. I didn't have any power, and neither did anyone around me. There was an 8 p.m. curfew in Baton Rouge, and I sweated more than I care to remember in the apartment. To combat the heat, I took my first cold shower of my life. Boy, did that feel good. The T-P publishes come hell or high water, but The Gene Pool blogs come hell or no power. Put that on a shirt and wear it.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

My mom told me she went exploring Tuesday afternoon. "I went driving around. Some sandwich place was open. I went in there, and the line was so fucking long."

I see on TV that St. Tammany Parish wasn't on the governor's list of disaster areas. I ask what's the big deal. "You ask some stupid questions. There was a fucking hurricane."

We still don't have cable. Mom is watching a press conference. "What good is this come February 17. Nobody will be able to watch TV (without cable). Unless they got one of those big motherfuckers on top of the roof. It doesn't make any fucking sense."

We see a truck go down our street with a big tree trunk in the back. "Motherfuck. That is a big fucking trunk."

IT WAS MAY 8, YOU IDIOT

Paul and I are driving around on our way back from Frank's on Tuesday. We listen to 870 for an update on the city. The host gets a distress call from this guy in North Slidell. I'm not sure if this guy was a) in trouble; b) a lunatic; c) a prank caller. Here's what I remember of the conversation. We'll call the caller Trapped in North Slidell (or TNS for short).

TNS: Hey. I'm in North Slidell. The water is going to rise. We are trapped here. And no one seems to know or care. The water is coming. I know because of the May 5 flood.

Host: Calm down, sir. Where are you? Is water coming into your house?

TNS: Not yet. But I know it is cuz of the May 5 flood. We have 100 people trapped here in North Slidell. We were told it was OK to be here. And now the water is rising just like the May 5 flood out of the bayou. I am poor. I have three kids. We need help.

Host: OK, sir. I have Kevin here with the Slidell police department. Tell him where you are, and he'll come help.

TNS: Kevin who?

Host: Kevin so-and-so with the Slidell police.

TNS: Kevin who?

Host: Kevin so-and-so.

TNS: Oh, OK. Kevin. Hey, Kevin. We are trapped here. The water is rising. I'm telling you it is just like the May 5 flood. We need help.

Cop: OK, sir. We are here to help. Where are you?

TNS: Off Highway 11. Between 10 and 12. The bayou is rising just like the May 5 flood.

Cop: Where on Highway 11?

TNS: There is a Burger King, a McDonald's and six gas stations. But no one can get gas cuz we are trapped.

Host: Can you give Kevin your address?

TNS: I am in North Slidell.

Cop: Where at in North Slidell?

TNS: Highway 11.

Cop: What is your address? Give me a number and a street.

TNS: I'm telling you the water is rising. It will be in our house soon.

Cop: How close is the water?

TNS: It's not here yet. But I know it will rise soon cuz it feels just like the May 5 flood, Kevin.

Cop: OK. Now give me a street address, and we'll send someone out.

TNS: We're by Bayou (I forget the name). Right by (some section of town; I forget).

Cop: Oh. That's a little out of our area. What is your street?

TNS: Pine and (some other street name).

Cop: What is your street number?

TNS: The whole damn street!

(I think the host realized that TNS was a lunatic or a prank caller, cut the convo short and moved on.)

MY STUPID MOMENT OF GUSTAV

We didn't have power Tuesday, and the kitchen was dark. So I brought all the ingredients for a PB&J sandwich to the living room: PB, J, a knife, bread, a paper towel and a coke. I start putting the stuff on the table when I notice Bert and Jacob giving me a weird look.

Me: What?
Bert: What you doing there?
Me: Making a sandwich. What does it look like?
Bert: Why you got two jars of peanut butter and two jars of jelly there, buddy?

He was right. I came out of the kitchen with two jars each of PB and J. I told you I'm an idiot. Hey, maybe I wanted to mix two brands of grape jelly and two brands of crunchy peanut butter. In that case, I should have brought two brands of bread and put one on top and the other on the bottom.

PARTING SHOTS

Everyone was pleased to see each other at the return to work Thursday.

"How'd you do?" we said to each other. I heard that question asked 14 times.

There is a discussion on what Chad Johnson will name his kids now that his name is Ocho Cinco.

Jelly: "It doesn't matter. They probably won't have his name anyway. (Then, a few moments later.) If I was having Chad Johnson's babies, I wouldn't want anybody to know about it."

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five Robin Williams movies.

5) Good Will Hunting. 1997.
I like this movie a lot, and he was nominated. But he wasn't the star so I can't put it higher.

4) Good Morning, Vietnam. 1987.
This is Williams at his comedic best in a movie.

3) Hook. 1991.
Run home, Jack. Run home, Jack.

2) Jumanji. 1995.
His most underrated work. This is a fun adventure.

1) Mrs. Doubtfire. 1993.
Warms the heart and makes you laugh. You just can't beat that.

RETURN TO NEW ORLEANS

I played phone tag with Marcus early Wednesday. (By the way, in phone tag, who wins? The person who finally answers the phone or the person who gets the other person to answer? I say it's the person who answers because he broke the cycle.) Anyway, Marcus tells me that I can come into work Wednesday. Paul and I were planning to leave later Wednesday, but I convinced him to come back early. I couldn't take the no power anymore.

We decide to have a final group meal before returning to the city. Allen and I go to Domino's and pick up some pizza. The wait was only fifteen minutes. (I think God struck down this sign with Gustav because the sign isn't updated. The deal is now three pizzas for 5.55, which makes sense because it's the 5-5-5 deal. Get it?)

At right, this is the best shot I got of an uprooted tree. This is on Lee. But that is a huge ass trunk. I only saw one tree that fell on a house, but that picture didn't come out well on my camera. It's hard to take pictures while someone is driving. I did my best.



This is a shot of a cop who was directing traffic at an intersection right before we got on the Interstate. He was eating lunch as we were going through. I was scared to take a picture of him going to town on his sandwich because he was only ten feet away. Can you get in trouble for that? I didn't want to find out. So I waited until he wasn't looking in our direction. Don't know if you can tell, but he is about to take a bite in this shot. The sandwich is in his right hand.


We ran into a little traffic coming into the city, but I made it to work by 4:30 p.m. I didn't see one other car on the road in the city. Not one. I saw two on the way home. Our deadline was 9 p.m., and the wire was down. That made typing boxes a bit of a chore. What would normally take me 12-15 minutes took me an hour and a half. Gee whiz. I got home right after 10 p.m. and went straight to bed. That no power fiasco wore me out. Probably because I hardly slept during it.


THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Mom is talking about the results of Gustav at the house. "The fucking pine cones and tree limbs. There was a tree limb missing. I couldn't find it. Found it on the other side of the fence. A big ol' motherfucker."

Mom sees that I bought something at Best Buy while I was gone for the storm. Yeah, I might be the only person in Southeast Louisiana who has a special edition of season 4 of The Office. "Fucking Best Buy. It was open in Baton Rouge?"

Mom wanted me to unpack quickly. "Pick all this shit up. I don't want any bullshit."

Mom slept on the hallway floor. "I said, 'Let me check the living room.' Good thing I did. Fucking soaked."

We don't have cable at the house. "The asshole from Cox comes on. Answers all the questions but one. (Cox is following Entergy around. But we have power, so how do we get cable back?) We might be fucked. If this happens next year, I won't have any fucking cable."

POKER BONANZA

We played poker Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Five bucks a person. I didn't win a hand the first two nights. But then I came in second Monday and split with Bert Tuesday to finish ahead by five bucks plus some quarters. I haven't been to the casino to play poker for three weeks. This poker marathon helped.

PARTING SHOT

During the drive back to New Orleans, Paul takes note of how far we are away.

Paul: We're still in St. John Parish. (He looks at the parish sign. He apparently only reads the end of it: the Baptist Parish.) This is a Baptist parish?

Me: No. St. John the Baptist.

Paul: Oh. Kind of funny. St. John wasn't a Baptist. But he was.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

My top five turnoffs in a potential girlfriend.

5) Being taller than me.
I have to be taller. That's just the way it is. Or the same height. Or close enough.

4) Use of the world like.
I like can't stand this word. I like hate it.

3) Not being independent.
I don't want her depending on me for everything. This is the 21st century after all.


2) A slut.
Been there. Haven't done that.

1) A smoker.
No way. No how.

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS

Late Monday night and early into Tuesday, we were deciding how to pass the time in the miserable heat. We told a few ghost stories, but that didn't do the trick. That seemed a little too childish. Speaking of childish, we started a discussion on Bloody Mary. I sort of remember that legend from childhood. You do something with turning the lights on and off, flushing the toilet and saying that name three times.

After we move on from that, Jacob, Paul and Allen plotted a secret plot to scare Kelly. Paul didn't exactly fall through the plan. Jacob and Allen blew out the candles we had set up (which was the whole plan), and Paul blurted out Bloody Mary three times as a joke. The joke, however, was on him.


We're all sitting in the pitch dark now. Paul, being the idiot that he is, decides to move around and try to scare people. He tries Kelly first. No luck. But he does stumble coming off the couch. Not learning his lesson, he tries to scare Jacob. There are two versions to the rest of the story (I couldn't see anything), but in the end, Paul's head was split open by a wooden table tray. Apparently, this Bloody Mary thing is real. Just look at Paul's head.

Paul's version is that Jacob pushed him and caused the tray to connect with the corner of his head. Jacob says he didn't touch him at all. I'm inclined to believe Jacob. It was pitch black, and Paul is clumsy. He should have learned his lesson from stumbling not thirty seconds earlier. But I guess he was cursed for saying Bloody Mary, and something bad was bound to happen. Luckily for Paul, he slit himself where wrestlers make themselves bleed with blades. So, there was no long-term pain or significant bleeding.

THE RETURN OF THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Mom is telling me about the plan to have residents return to the city. "I heard on t
he radio something about Tier 1 and Tier 2. I don't know what the fuck that is all about. They didn't explain it."

About our neighbors cleaning up. "Those fucking assholes. They sprayed all their shit over to my side."

NOTHING SAYS AWESOME LIKE A HOT BREAKFAST

Some people got this Gustav hard, and so many are without power. But for the most part, I'm calling the result of Hurricane Gustav survival. Paul and I woke up early Tuesday
morning and decided to drive around again to see if anything happened to be open. Twenty minutes into the drive, the radio host of a local Baton Rouge station says that Frank's on Airline is open. We don't know where on Airline or what the heck Frank's is but Paul immediately turns the car in that direction. We found it pretty easy. It was the building with all the cars and the long line outside.



When we get to the front of the line, I ask the guy at the register how that heck they had this bad boy opened. He tells me that got to the building at 2:30 a.m. to prepare and opened at 6 a.m. They were staying opened until the food ran out or the gas ran out. I'm thinking the food happened first. The only item on the menu was Hurricane buffet for $8. It had scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, grits and a much-hyped biscuit based on this sign outside the joint. It didn't dissapoint. If you're ever on Airline in Baton Rouge, stop by Frank's for a hot meal. Trust me.


TWO MISSING AT THE COMPLEX

One person and one animal went missing after the power outage. I'm talking to my mom on the phone and see this woman scrambling around Monday night. She asks me if I've seen her son run by. I tell her no. She then precedes to walk back-and-forth in a twenty-foot space yelling Patrick in her French accent. Why she wasn't covering more ground, I'm not sure. I tell my mom I have to go and gather the troops to look for Patrick.

Bert and I follow Patrick's mother to the other side of the complex because she thought she heard Patrick's voice. That's when somebody came out of the woman's apartment to tell her that Patrick was safely back inside the apartment. Crisis averted. Except that Jacob and Paul didn't bother to plan out where everyone would look or ask Patrick's mother for a description of the boy. They ended up going all the way down to a gas station down the street because they thought they saw a little kid. Oh, and it was raining fairly hard.

On Tuesday, the major crisis was Jacob's hamster (I think its name is/was Grendel; it's some mythological creature). It chewed its way out of its box and now was gone. We look everywhere in the apartment and no dice. We think it might have left the apartment; we left the door open to avoid the rooms getting too hot. Jacob was really upset. He had the hamster for more than a year. I didn't realize he was so broken up until I saw him sitting alone in his room. After that, I felt terrible about the Bake-ism I had made during the search.

Bert: With all of us moving all around, the hamster is probably scared and hiding. It won't move until we stop moving so much.
Me: Unless it's already dead.

Note: We still have yet to find the hamster.

LONG LINES AND A LONG GAME

To pass the time Tuesday, we played an epic team game of Trivial Pursuit 90s edition. Epic becasue we didn't seem to know a heck of a lot about the decade that we grew up in. Kind of sad. Allen and I were teamed again. We seemed to make a comeback and had a shot to win, but we missed the pink and blue pie every time we landed on it. When we landed on it. I think I knew other people's questions more than I knew mine. Booo.

After the game, we head over to Walk-On's because the waitress there told us Sunday that they would have power using a generator and be opened Tuesday. We weren't the only ones who knew that, though. You had to order food at the bar, and the line almost went out the building. Bert says we should drive around and look for other food. Long story short, Paul and I end up back at Walk-On's an hour or so later in the same line. We didn't order because the place was shutting down soon because of the curfew. I ate a PB&J sandwich.

PARTING SHOT
During the hamster search, Jacob yelled at us for cracking jokes about his pet.

"This isn't funny. I love that little motherfucker."


THE DAILY TOP LIST
My five favorite Beatles songs.

5) That'll be the Day

4) Ob-La-Di, Ob-La Da

3) Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

2) Come Together

1) Nowhere Man

GUSTAV IN THE HOUSE

I wake up Monday to see that the storm's center kind of shifted west and hear that the storm might spare New Orleans. I feel a little better but am still quite worried. Gustav first was heard in our parts at about 11:45 a.m. Monday. The power went out at 12:57 p.m. as Kelly and I were watching the first episode of my Heroes season 2 DVD. That makes two of my DVDs that are still stuck (I'm writing this Thursday) in DVD players in Baton Rouge. I'm an idiot and didn't take out the other one from a the living-room DVD player the night before. (At right, Allen holds up a piece of tile that came off the roof of the apartment. Bert and Kelly were also out there feeling the gusts of Gustav. I stayed inside because I'm a little scaredy cat.)

When the storm cleared at 1:20 p.m., we went for a drive around Baton Rouge to see what was cracking or in this case, to see what cracked. (At right, the gas prices were taken down from all the stations. I didn't know they did that. Is that common knowledge?) 

During our adventure, we saw a bunch of trees that had been

uprooted by Gustav. We had to weave in and out of tree limbs. Some roads were flooded. We drove around the area around the apartment, went to campus and passed by the casino, golf course and other areas. This street at right was completely blocked by a fallen tree. In retrospect, we probably should not have been driving around. But we were curious. And the power lines we drove over didn't electrocute us. So, there. 

During our trip, Kelly kept insisting we get out the car and clean up all these branches on the side of the road. We told her that was

 foolish, but she didn't seem to understand. She then had a real girl moment. "I want to help with the clean up. (We pass Blockbuster.) Oooo. Sex and the City comes out soon." We went to see if Mike was out of his cage yet, and during this time, Kelly picked up all the branches on the road by the cage. Good for her.

While we were by Mike's cage, we ran into Johnny (at right). He was the valedictorian of our senior class. I told you a few days ago that he was working in the LSU gift shop in my entry on Minkus. Well, I was wrong. He used to work in the LSU gift shop. Now he handles purchasing for the athletic department. He said he would probably be responsible for purchasing new tiles for the Field House and other stuff Gustav messed up. Look out.

THE TINA CURSING CORNER (WITH A TWIST)

I only spoke to my mom once Wednesday. At 9 a.m., she told me that water had got into the dining room through a crack in the corner. She was in the process of trying to dry the carpet. At 1 p.m., she reported that a tree limb smacked against the front door. She never lost power.

Mom didn't curse in our brief conversations Monday, so instead I offer you some samplings of the first ever Kelly Cursing Corner. At some point Monday, I realized she sounds like my mother. Keep in mind that Kelly often claims that she hardly curses and several times during my time in Baton Rouge, she swore to never curse again.

"What the fuck is that smell? Jesus Christ." Then, later: "It fucking stinks." She also used the "What the fuck?" three other times Monday. And she told Allen twice: "Fuck you" and another time to: "Shut the fuck up."

I'm taking pictures of Bert. She looks at me. "Motherfuck." (That made me feel right at home.)

A girl living underneath us goes outside during the storm. "She's the mother of a child. Go the fuck inside."

She gets her mom's voicemail but doesn't leave a message. "I should have left a fucking message. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, wait. I'm not supposed to curse anymore."

Two other quick examples. "Fuckin' A." "Son of a cock and bitch."

A GAME OF WORLD DOMINATION

We played team Risk on Sunday night to take our minds off Gustav. Allen and I eventually took over the world by using the age-old strategy of first conquering Australia. Tensions ran high as the other teams griped about our dominance and at each other

 for not stopping us. Jacob put up a hell of a fight for Brazil. He defeated me in a battle, even though I had 16 men, and he only had four. But the dice was with me most of the night. (At right, Paul spills all his Risk pieces before we even start playing. This was yet another reason for him not to be fooling around on Monday night. But more on that in Tuesday's blog.)

And yes, Gillie, this was like the reuniting of our old risk league.

PARTING SHOT

I'm talking to Allen as he is playing Madden '09. Remember he was in Iraq for two years.

Allen (to the computer): Don't you score on me. I will end you.
Me: How many lives have you actually ended?
Allen: Enough.

THE DAILY TOP LIST

The top 5 games I've been to in person and meant something.

5) LSU vs. Florida. October 15, 2005.

I was in Baton Rouge during Katrina aftermath. I bought a ticket from someone in the student section. LSU had five turnovers and still won 21-17.

4) Hornets vs. Mavericks. April 29, 2008.

Went to the N.O. Arena with Lopes, our second game of this series. We went to Dallas for Game 3. Mavs made strong surge at end, but the Hornets held on for a 99-94 victory. Sorry, Nick.

3) LSU vs. Auburn. October 22, 2005.

Same deal as the Florida game. Auburn missed like six field goals, including one to tie the score in overtime. LSU won 20-17. That was some exciting.

2) Hornets vs. Spurs. May 19, 2008.

Went to the game with Bert, Kelly and Paul. Really thought the Hornets were going to make an historic comeback. If Pargo hits that 3 in the corner, the Hornets win. But, there is always this season.

1) Cubs vs. Braves. October 5, 2003.

This has been No. 1 on some other list. It was the Cubs' first playoff series victory since 1908. Sorry, Chuck. Did I mention I have a shirt with the game info on it?