I'VE BEEN STAYING WITH HER

IT WAS A GOOD DAY

On Thursday, mom felt better than she has in the past four weeks. It was short-lived as Friday was not such a good day. 

But Thursday she felt good. We even left the house. She wanted eggs and bacon, so off we went to Waffle House, where she got that plus hash browns and a pecan waffle. 

Mom said she wants to eat three more things before she goes: rocky road from the chocolate factory in Clearview Mall, barbecue shrimp and filet mignon. 

We stopped at Clearview on Thursday to knock out the first one before heading to a hospice house to take a tour. An eventful day for her all in all. 

I was glad to see her moving a little bit and get out the house. Might have been the last time for that. 

THE TINA CURSING CORNER

Along with her feeling better and getting out and about, my mom's famous mouth was on fire Thursday. Enjoy. 

Mom got a new credit card bill for $5.13 even though she payed the previous bill in full. "Fucking credits cards. I wasn't even gonna pay the fucking thing last month."

Mom was pondering her situation. "How does God decide who gets cancer? The lady across the street when I was a kid smoked Camel cigarettes non filtered and drank Dixie beer every day of her fucking life. She lived to her 80s."

She kept going. 

"Or Keith Richards. He did every fucking drug on earth. Gets to see his fucking great grand kids."

New apartments are going up on Hickory. "This is a fucking mess." Then to the guy directing traffic. "Get the fuck out of here."

An 18-wheeler almost hits me switching lanes as I hit the horn several times. "Fucking truck drivers."

CHECK THIS SHIT OUT

As you may know, I went to a Saints road game in October 2010 and caught a ball that Robert Meachem tossed to me after he scored a touchdown. 

Lopes' girlfriend said she could get it signed, and I gave it to her. She didn't get it signed and didn't give the ball back to me until October 2011. 

I was so happy to have my ball back I didn't let it leave my house for the next few years. But October 2014 came, which is four years later. And ... 

Nicole found out through the Twitter that Meachem does signings just about every week. He was at Fox and Hound this week, and Nicole got there early to be first in line. So without her, it would still be sitting on my couch unsigned. 

Of course, the pen he used at first didn't work fully. He had to get a second pen and go over the few marks the first pen made before finishing his signature. 

Also, he wasn't as excited as you would hope he would be about the ball. 

Me: You caught this ball for a long touchdown at Tampa four years ago.  

Meachem: I did that?

Me: Yeah. I've been waiting four years to get you to sign it. 

Meachem: OK. 

I'M NOT TOO BRIGHT

I was signing up for 5 percent back on credit card purchases at Best Buy for the next three months. 

I typed in my card number and was listening to the system explain the restrictions, which are so obvious. 

Me: No shit. 

System: You have chosen not to accept 5 percent back. Thank you for your call. 

Me: Operator just said I declined the offer. 

Mom: Yeah, cuz you said no shit. 

Me: Oh.